Thursday, September 15, 2005

Puppy Prozac

File under: IWIWMTSU.

Just when you thought you'd heard it all, we're now putting our pets on Prozac.

Dog Bites Girl, 4

BOSTON -- A 4-year-old Cape Cod girl was bitten by a dog and suffered severe cuts to her face. She was rushed to Children's Hospital in Boston by helicopter Wednesday night, where she was recovering after four hours of surgery.

NewsCenter 5's Gail Huff reported that doctors operated on the girl's face after she was brought by helicopter from Marstons Mills on the Cape. The girls's grandmother told NewsCenter 5 that the child will likely require plastic surgery.

Police said the girl was mauled by a springer spaniel at someone else's home. Her parents had gone to buy a wood stove, they said, and the girl was left alone at the house with the dog.

Bad parents dog!

Springer spaniels are known to be good with children, an affectionate breed. In the past several years, the breed has become more popular in the United States because President George W. Bush is often photographed with his springer spaniel.

But some veterinarians said the gentle dogs can sometimes develop a condition called Springer Rage Syndrome, which primarily affects show dogs. Affected dogs are sometimes known to attack people without provocation. The syndrome is diagnosed by an animal behaviorist and can be treated with medication, such as Prozac.

"It wasn't Muffy's fault, your honor. Ever since that traumatic tennis ball incident down on the West Dennis Beach back in '98, she's been suffering from Springer Rage Syndrome. Here's a certified letter from her animal behaviorist affirming this. She must have forgotten to take her medication yesterday."

Some vets, however, dispute whether such a syndrome exists.

Only "some"?

The dog involved in Wednesday's attack has been quarantined for the next week pending the results of an investigation.

Springer Rage Syndrome? You fucking gotta be fucking kidding me!

How about "Criminally Negligent Parents Syndrome"? What kind of idiotic parent goes out shopping and leaves a four-year-old child unattended at someone else's home - regardless of whether a dog is present or not? There's a focus for your investigation. Morons!