Friday, November 28, 2008

Like Momma Always Used To Tell Me... is like a box of f***ing morons.

WEARE, N.H. -- A man that police said was accidentally shot by his brother in a moving car in Weare underwent surgery Friday afternoon.

Police said that three brothers were traveling in a vehicle near the corner of Route 114 and Short Street when Josiah Dean, 18, of Merrimack, started unloading a revolver while sitting in the back seat. The gun discharged and a round struck the front seat where Dean's brother was sitting.

Let's review the events leading up this "accident", shall we.

1. Mr. Dean was in possession of a loaded gun in a motor vehicle (which, if he does not have a NH pistol license, is a misdemeanor offense).

2. Mr. Dean was pointing said gun in the direction of his brother in the front seat.

3. Mr. Dean's finger, for whatever reason, pulled the trigger rearward, discharging a round into his brother's back.

Not sounding all that "accidental", if you ask me.

Unintentional? Most likely.

Negligent? Abso-friggin'-lutely. Violate two or more of the Basic Rules at the same time, and seriously bad shit can happen.

As to his claim that he was in the process of unloading the gun at the time, all I can say is I still haven't found the needle of my Bullshitometer that popped off and sprung across the room the first time I read this article.

Substitute the phrase "screwing around with" for "unloading" in the first paragraph there, and I suspect you'd get a little closer to the truth.

UPDATE: Speaking of morons and "accidents"...

CHICAGO HEIGHTS-- A man accidentally shot himself in the head Thursday afternoon in front of others during a Thanksgiving Day family gathering

William Agee, 30, of Buena Vista Ave., was pronounced dead at St. James Hospital and Health Centers in Chicago Heights at 5 p.m., the Cook County Medical Examiner' aid.

The incident happened at 1661 School St. in Chicago Heights at 4:35 p.m., according to Chicago Heights Police Lt. Michael Romano.

“He thought the safety was on, put the gun to his head, squeezed the trigger and that was that,” Romano said.

This was an "accident" in the same way that Dahmer "accidentally" cooked and ate the flesh of his victims.

UPDATE II: It seems morons come in threes.

Ohio Police Chief Shoots Himself While Teaching Daughter Gun Safety

MONROE, Ohio — Police in southwestern Ohio say a police chief mistakenly shot himself in the thigh after giving his daughter a gun safety lesson.

A police report says 54-year-old Middletown police Chief Greg Schwarber was preparing to clean his Glock .45-caliber pistol on Friday and didn't realize the gun was still loaded.

For 50 bonus points, what possible gun control law could be enacted to prevent this kind of "accident" from happening again? I mean, other than a high-capacity moron ban.

(H/T cyberlogicx and Reptile @ NES Forum)

UPDATE III: WTF? Has it been raining dumbass dust this week?

Giants WR Burress suffers accidental gunshot wound

New York Giants star wide receiver Plaxico Burress accidentally shot himself in the leg Friday, according to multiple media reports.

Burress was hospitalized with gunshot injuries Friday night that were not believed to be life-threatening, FOX reported Saturday.

The Giants released a statement on the condition of Burress, who was released from the hospital Saturday afternoon at approximately 2 p.m. EST, according to the team

“We are aware of the fact that Plaxico was involved in an apparent accidental shooting last night,” the statement said.

Let's play "Predict the Bullshit Story".

Whoever comes closest to Burress' actual bullshit story gets a fresh, hot-off-the-press "Know the Real Enemy" bumper sticker.