Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Corpus Scumabg

In summary:

An armed, violent scumbag breaks into a woman's home.

Once inside, he ties up the woman and her 14-year-old son.

Scumbag threatens repeatedly to kill the pair.

Woman frees herself, and retrieves her husband's gun.

Woman hands gun to her son, and a struggle ensues with the aforementioned scumbag, who tries to force his way into the bedroom where the mother and her son had been tied up.

The woman's son proceeds to shoot this piece of subhuman fecal scrapings in the head, reducing his IQ (ever-so-slightly) to zero, saving both their lives in the process, and bringing the scumbag's life of predatory violence against the innocent to an abrupt end.

Massachusetts gubernatorial candidate Deval Patrick immediately files a federal lawsuit over this egregious violation of the man's constitutional right to terrorize, rob, and stab innocent people in their own home.

Dianne Feinstein expresses her outrage that a woman was allowed to CHOOSE not to be stabbed to death.

Ted Kennedy issues a statement condemning the actions taken by the woman's son, saying the child should have put the evil gun down on the ground and allowed himself to be killed along with his mother...for the good of children everywhere.

Chuck Schumer appears on 'Meet the Press' to publicly reprimand the boy for "escalating the cycle of violence".

Rosie O'Donnell shits her pants upon hearing the tragic news that a lowly commoner's life, and that of her child, was saved by the legal use of a privately owned handgun. Then, immediately gets on the phone to the head of her children's armed bodyguard detail to make sure they're OK.

Massachusetts State Senator Jarrett Barrios reassures the people in his district that he'll sleep soundly tonight, knowing that if a similar situation were to play out in his hometown of Cambridge, the woman and her son would likely be brutally slaughtered, but at least they'd die on their knees as good, obedient liberal subjects Democrats.

Boston Mayor Tom Menino and Mayor Bloomberg of New York hear about this "tragedy" and seize the opportunity to launch knife buyback programs in their cities. The website is born.

Local blogger is forced to go shopping for a new dead horse, after finally beating his into a thin layer of bone dust.

(link via reader, Gary S.)