Wednesday, October 18, 2006

I'll Take "Greasy Palms" for $1,200, Alex

Here, you do the math.

City may banish TV dishes from view

The Boston City Council, citing a proliferation of satellite television dishes across the city, is considering banning the devices from the front of buildings.

I wish I could find this news remotely surprising.

Saying that the dishes are potentially dangerous and increasingly hard to overlook in parts of the city where some buildings are festooned with them, councilors plan to consider a measure to confine the satellite television receivers to the back of buildings, out of public view.

"Potentially dangerous"? Is this the new standard to be employed when determining which inanimate object will be subject to future city-wide bans? Can anyone think of an object that couldn't be described as "potentially dangerous" in Councilor Flaherty's "Dictionary for Dummies"?

Why, I just finished eating a "potentially dangerous" turkey and swiss on a bulkie roll. I could have choked to death! BAN SANDWICHES!

Oh, wait, never mind. They tried that already.

What about that commuter rail train I took to work this morning? How "potentially dangerous" can you get? Those things could mow down children and puppies by the hundreds. And, don't get me started on all these "potentially dangerous" office supplies and writing implements on my desk.

Why, it's nothing short of a miracle that I made to 40 in one piece.

"For some, it's an eyesore," said Council President Michael Flaherty, who sponsored the measure.

"Oh, and pay no attention to the $1,200 in campaign contributions I've received from company executives at Comcast, the city's cable TV provider."

(click to enlarge)

"This is a public safety issue, people! We've got assault satellite dishes raining down from the heavens! Pleeeeeease, think of THE CHILDREN!"