Feel-Good Euphemism of the Week
Gotta keep the crime stats in check.
"As this graph clearly shows, there has never been a single home invasion in the 302-year history of this town."
I'm guessing street robberies will now be known as "unwanted no-interest loans", and car thefts, "unauthorized test drives". Wouldn't want to bother the good people of Brookline, Massachusetts with all this crazy talk about inherently bad people sharing our planet with us.
They already have more than their fair share of terrifying invaders to worry about down there.
UPDATE: Call me crazy, but if I woke up to find some psychopath in my bedroom at 4:00 in the morning (as an unarmed ward of the state living in liberal la-la land), and was able to chase the guy out of my house, my first phone call would not be to my father living some 20 miles away.
Way to give the guy a good head start.