Tuesday, May 13, 2008

A Super-Sized Helping of Impossible

The headline pretty much says it all.

Soccer City robber shot with own gun smuggled from Mexico

A robbery suspect was shot with his own gun when he tried to rob a west Phoenix soccer store Monday night.

That impossible!

Armed robbery is illegal.

Alberto Perez, 22, told police he had come into the United States illegally to get money to take back to Mexico.

That's extra-impossible!

It's against the law to come into the country illegally.

He had smuggled his gun with him.

That's super-extra-impossible!

Everyone knows that it's the NRA and the law-abiding gun owners in this country who are responsible for the "iron pipeline" of guns flowing INTO Mexico FROM the United States, not the other way around.

Perez went into Soccer City near 35th Avenue and McDowell Road at about 5:30 p.m., showed his gun and demanded money from the owner.

That's super-duper-extra-impossible!

Everyone knows that these "undocumented workers" aren't coming here to commit violent crimes, but to do the jobs that Americans can't be bothered doing for $50 an hour.

The owner managed to grab the gun from the suspect and the two got into a fight.

That's super-duper-extra-ultra-impossible!

Everyone knows that criminals are the only people skilled enough to take guns away from anyone, especially law-abiding citizens. This nonsense about mere mortals disarming highly-trained criminals is ridiculous.

The gun went off, hitting Perez in the leg and stomach.

He collapsed at the scene and was taken to a Phoenix hospital where he is recovering.

The owner was not hurt.

That there's just super-duper-extra-ultra-crazy-impossible!

Everyone knows that unless you cooperate [read: surrender] and "give your assailant any and everything that he wants", you will be gunned down in a spray-fired fusillade of hot lead.

It's pretty clear the incident described in that article never actually took place.

What kind of gullible idiots do they take us for?

UPDATE (5/15): Another "impossible" story about a gun in the news.

Kevin Eber had thrown a partially full beer can, striking Von Pohle's car. Von Pohle asked Eber why and Eber became violent, telling Von Pohle he was going to kill him. During that exchange, Shelton attacked Von Pohle, striking him with closed fists and slamming his head into a parked car.

Von Pohle attempted to fend off the attack but realized Eber was closing in on him as well. Von Pohle drew his concealed 9mm revolver (for which he had a weapon permit) and pointed it at both subjects telling them if they came any closer he would shoot. The suspects stopped their advance. Von Pohle also had called 911 to notify police.


No shots fired?

No fatalities?

Everyone knows that guns are only capable of killing as many people as they can. That's what they were designed for. There's no way anyone, including the guy who drew his gun, could have survived what should have been a bloodbath of monumental proportion.

When will these newspapers and TV networks stop lying to us?