Monday, June 02, 2008

Welcome to Bonnie Erbe's America

Please check your freedom at the door.

This weekend in my own neighborhood I observed one guy driving a Maserati with his top down. I counted three Hummers and I spied one couple pulling a powerboat behind a Cadillac Escalade. Far as I can tell, if Americans had any common sense, such behavior would have been banned years ago. Either that, or taxed into oblivion.

Freedom of choice? We don't need no stinkin' freedom of choice. At least, not for something so politically incorrect and deplorable as actually allowing commoners to choose which vehicles they want to drive.

I’m not talking about banning gas guzzling agricultural or commercial vehicles. They are necessary to everyone’s economic wellbeing.

But given our present situation, the fact that people could be allowed to drive Maseratis as street vehicles or to spend $1,500 (as one newspaper recently recounted the cost) to fill up the tank of a power boat while the rest of us can barely afford $4 for regular gas, is obscene.

What's obscene is the fact there are meddling, socialist busybodies like Ms. Erbe here, who think the government should have the power to prevent American citizens from choosing how to spend their own money and to dictate to us which recreational activities will and will not be permitted.

Gas tax policy must be revised to reward Americans driving fuel-efficient vehicles and take an “off with their heads” approach to profligate guzzlers.

Because, the people buying the million-dollar speedboats she mentioned above simply aren't paying their "fair share" in taxes already.

Seriously, I don't even know how to respond to such offensive, Communistic, anti-freedom claptrap as that. What other activities do you think Ms. Erbe would find offensive and have them subjected to government regulation in her Utopian world?

Should we be "allowed" to run our barbecue grills on two consecutive days, or will that require a special permit from the Federal Bureau of Carbon Output Regulation?

How about if we want to take our kids on vacation out of state? Will we need to apply for permission to travel outside of our pre-approved "carbon radii"?

In her fantasy world, will we be able to send in our home thermostat logs by traditional mail or by e-mail only? Or will armed agents from the Department of Heating and Air Conditioning Compliance come into our homes to inspect and record our home heating habits?

On what days, and under what conditions, will we be "allowed" to perform basic landscaping tasks with gas-powered lawn equipment? Or will the Lawnmower Enforcement Squads be taking those away as well?

How about the fact that many of us have more than one child contributing to our households' petroleum-based product usage rate? I hear China has a great "common sense" way of dealing with that problem.

This is the most pathetic piece of garbage I've read in a long, long time. Bonnie Erbe is a walking insult to every American who believes in the inalienable right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

Obligatory Second Amendment-related side note:

This is the same self-proclaimed arbiter of common sense who, eight years ago, opined:

"Women buying guns for their self protection have gone completely bonkers[.]"

Yeah, you'd have to be "bonkers" to want to defend yourself against a violent predator who only wants to abduct you, tie you up, and rape you. After reading her column today, I have to assume that she's OK with the tying up and raping parts, just so long as the abducting is done using a hybrid vehicle.

UPDATE: Here, let me rework that first quote a bit:

This weekend on Entertainment Tonight I observed one rock star living alone in a 25,000 square foot house. I counted three swimming pools and I saw one movie star with his own private jets literally parked in his driveway. Far as I can tell, if Americans had any common sense, such fossil fuel-wasting opulence would have been banned years ago.

I hereby decree that before any citizen is forced to change his driving habits or made to buy some "government approved" lightbulbs, all celebrity homes valued at more that 3-million dollars are to be turned into homeless shelters and in-house drug treatment facilities and have their pools filled in with dirt and turned into vegetable gardens to feed the new occupants.

How could any decent, self-respecting "progressive" such as Ms. Erbe object?