Friday, January 21, 2005

mAsshole of the Week

Meter maid rage: Hummer-driving halfwit scalds her with Starbucks

A hulking Boston bodyguard was arrested yesterday, accused of hurling a scalding Starbucks coffee at a meter maid who slapped a ticket on his illegally parked Hummer in the Back Bay.


Noviello wrote a $55 ticket, and slid it under the Hummer's windshield wiper - apparently enraging its driver, Francois Youhanna.

"He started yelling, `I don't accept this ticket!' He had a Venti-sized cup of black coffee in his hand, and he flung it right in my face," said Noviello, just hours after she was treated for first- and second-degree burns on her face and upper torso at New England Medical Center.

"Venti-sized"? Behold, people, reason #3 why I don't buy coffee at Starbucks.

What the hell is a venti? The last time I was in a Starbucks, I discovered that their "tall" cup of coffee is what us uneducated commoners who buy our coffee at Dunkin Donuts or 7-11 would call a "small". Can I assume then that a "venti-sized" coffee is either a medium or large? Or would that be extra-small or extra-large?

Don't answer that. Ignorance is bliss, and with this being Friday, I could use a little blissfulness. Anyway, back to the story at hand.

Starbucks employees rushed out of the store with wet cloths to soothe the burns, as cops arrested Youhanna for assault and battery with a deadly weapon, the hot coffee, which is a felony.

Youhanna insisted he spilled the coffee on Noviello by mistake after slipping on some ice and falling, a story his female companion echoed. But witnesses said Youhanna - who is 6-foot-2 and 200 pounds - charged at the meter maid and was very close to her face when the coffee was thrown.

Um...she fell...ON the dagger...twice. (20 bonus points for cultural reference ID, anyone?)

Last year, 16 meter maids were physically assaulted and another 48 were threatened or harassed, said Tom Tinlin, deputy commissioner of the Boston Transportation Department.

"It's appalling. This behavior should not be tolerated in a civilized world,'' Tinlin said yesterday. "Christi is one of the nicest people I know. For her to be subjected to such behavior while performing your job is a disgrace."

Look for a proposed legislation in the near future to regulate the maximum temperature at which coffee can be served in Massachusetts. Surely, Attorney General Tom Reilly can do something to curb this violent epidemic. It's FOR THE CHILDREN!

Besides, no one NEEDS scalding hot coffee.