Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Accident, My Ass

Woman Hurt In Train-Car Accident

BEVERLY, Mass. -- A Peabody, Mass., woman is being treated for minor injuries after a commuter train clipped the rear of her car in Beverly.

MBTA spokesman Joe Pesaturo said Carol Freedman was trying to cross the tracks off Route 1A on the wrong side of the road -- where there was no gate to block her.

The car spun around, but Pesaturo said Freedman, 50, wasn't seriously hurt.

Freedman was taken to Beverly Hospital after the 8:40 a.m. accident.

Accident? No.

Entirely predictable consequence of the actions of a complete moron? Yes.

This may come as a surprise to some, including Ms. Freedman here, but if you drive around a railroad crossing gate, it's entirely reasonable to expect to encounter a moving train while doing so. Apparently, she thought those pesky crossing gates were merely "suggestions" providing drivers with a set of vague guidelines. How was she supposed to know an actual train was coming?

I smell lawsuit.

This is as much an accident as my jamming a pencil through my eye socket to write the initial draft of my lawsuit against Dixon Ticonderoga on the inside of my skull would be.

But, there's more. We're just getting warmed up.

That story PALES in comparison to this one out of Orlando, Florida. It seems some idiots (and that's being kind) there have come up with a new form of boredom relief - jumping across the rooftops of 6-story parking garages. Well, one of these rocket scientists (in his own words) "just didn't make it".

At least his parents don't have to worry about clearing some wall space to mount his Darwin Award...yet.

ORLANDO, Fla. -- Teenagers in Orlando, Fla., are leaping between 80-foot high public parking garages in a new trend called "garage jumping," according to a Local 6 News investigation.

Local 6 News reported that the thrill seekers are vaulting themselves between garages in downtown Orlando.

Tim Bargfrede told Local 6 News that he was following friends when he attempted to garage jump and did not make it to the other side. Bargfrede fell six stories and was knocked unconscious on impact.

Hey, Timmy, if your friends all jumped off a tall building, would you? Oh, never mind.

"I just didn't make it," Bargfrede said.

Bargfrede survived the 80-foot fall but was injured.

"The first time I came to the garage after my son's accident, I looked over and I just about broke out in tears," the boy's father Tim Bargfrede said. "I can't believe he actually survived. He looked like he was near death."

Again, not an accident. It's not like a gust of wind came along and blew this retard off the building (apologies to the mentally retarded men, women, and children of the world, the vast majority of whom have the common sense not to jump off a friggin' six-story building).

And, of course, the city and the garage owner are being sued for failing to prevent this moron from attempting suicide by deceleration trauma (aka: concrete poisoning). The best thing any judge could do in this case would be to have young Timmy here committed to a nice, comfy, padded cell. You know "for the children".

Otherwise, it's only a matter of time before he and his reject friends find something else to do the job the six-story drop failed to do.

"Hey, Timmy, I'll bet you a can of Mountain Dew you can't swallow your Gameboy."

Seriously, would you want any of these kids to be driving on the same streets as you? Would you want them dating your daughters?

As to Timmy's dad's reaction, I'd break out in tears upon hearing this bit of news, too - for being such a failure of a parent and raising such a STUPID kid.