Tuesday, July 12, 2005

This Would Qualify As Satire

...if it weren't so close to reality.

In a comment to this earlier post, Jay raises some excellent points:

He probably bought the box-cutter in a neighboring state with lax box-cutter laws.

Wonder if it was one of those high-capacity box-cutters that have upwards of ten razor-sharp blades in reserve?

I think we need a 15 day waiting period for box-cutters. Certainly anyone looking to scrape paint off their windows won't mind waiting over two weeks if it saves just one life...

That does it. I'm convinced. I'm going down to the police station this afternoon and turning in the assault weapon I've been wearing on my belt. Maybe I can get a Nike gift certificate for it. I honestly had no idea I've been carrying around such a lethal baby-killing machine. Let's review its many deadly attributes, shall we?

Quick change blade mechanism

This allows for rapid-fire schoolyard slashings.

Lightweight aluminum handle with clip

Textured space-age material provides a fingerprint-resistant surface, making it harder for the authorities to prosecute all the crimes committed with these weapons of mass destruction. And we all know how dangerous weapons with "clips" are.

Knurled thumb knob for easy one-hand opening

Clearly facilitates spray-slashing from the hip, enabling the user to indiscriminately attack large crowds of people.

Folds like a pocket knife

Creating a weapon that can be too easily concealed on one's person. There's no way for the police to tell who's packing one of these "cop-killers" or not.

And if that's not enough to get the Dianne Feinstein's and the Sarah Brady's of the world all tangled up in a sea of twisted panties, check out this high-capacity magazine that Jay was alluding to. I find it absolutely shocking that anyone can just waltz into a Sears store and walk out with such a deadly arsenal.

In the name of all things sweet and cuddly, won't somebody please think of the children?

All kidding aside, there is one gun control talking point that does apply in this case - and I'm being serious here for a minute. Though, it was the type of knife pictured above, and not the feared .50-caliber rifle, that was the "weapon of choice" for the 19 terrorists responsible for murdering more than 3,000 civilians over the course of a few minutes.