Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Some Things Never Change

mAss Backwards (4/13/05): The Meningrad Chronicles (cont'd.)

Boston Globe:

Mayor Thomas M. Menino is planning to crack down on sky high prices at private parking lots around Fenway Park, saying he will seek authority to cap fees and stop what he called the gouging.

Some bitter asshole blogger:

Yes, it's Mayor Thomas "I've never met a proposed tax increase or fee hike I didn't like" Menino rallying against price gouging. The irony is almost too painful to bear.

And from today's Boston Herald:

$90 to park - Not including peanuts, Cracker Jack

The cost of driving to Fenway Park to watch the Red Sox play has skyrocketed higher than a David Ortiz moonshot.

Fans headed by car to Fenway for today'’s home opener are in for a rude awakening, with at least one lot charging $90 for a parking space.

Of course (just as it was last year, and the year before, and the year before, etc.) the simple solution to avoid paying such a high price for parking is to PARK SOMEWHERE ELSE!

Rocketing rates for parking spots has been a continuous problem at Fenway in recent years. Last year it was enough to outrage Mayor Thomas M. Menino, a Sox season ticket holder. The mayor said he would seek to install a price cap on private lots around the historic ballpark.

Listen up, comrade, just because you think you own the property, that doesn't give you the right to use it in any manner you see fit. You'll do what the mayor tells you, dammit! Now, shut up and get back in line!

Filthy peasant!

But Joe Kelly, executive officer of the off-street parking facilities board for the Boston Transportation Department, said the city doesn'’t have the authority to crack down on high prices. "We can't institute price controls," he said. "“They can basically charge whatever they want."


Property owners being allowed to freely make use of their private property! Who let this subversive crackpot through the concertina wire? SECURITY!!!

Boston City Councilor John Tobin called the rates "criminal."

Yes, in the eyes of the esteemed city councilor here, a property owner, exercising his right to control what happens on his private property = criminal.

Though, quite franky, I'd expect nothing less from the gang that brought us Rob "The government should track your guns by satellite" Consalvo and Paul "Let's tax people for driving into Boston" Scapicchio. Makes me long for the days when our politicians at least tried to blend a little subtlety into their totalitarian agenda.

"I'm all for free enterprise but...

Being a statist prick means always having to say, "but".

"I recognize the need to reform auto insurance policy in the Commonwealth, BUT..."

"I understand the voters overwhelmingly voted for a rollback of the state income tax rate, BUT..."

"I support school voucher programs for underprivileged schoolchildren, BUT..."

And, my personal favorite, "I support the right of the people to keep and bear arms, BUT..."

...but when you'’re gouging families like that you should be ashamed of yourself,"

Well, then what say we let these families, oh, I dunno, CHOOSE NOT TO PARK THERE!!! Christ almighty! These idiots would have us believe that people are jumping out into traffic, dragging cars full of unsuspecting baseball fans into their lots at gunpoint, and forcibly ripping the money from their hands.

Maybe someone can help me out here. I've been reading the state constitution, and I still can't find the part where it guarantees the people of Massachusetts the right to park within 100 feet of Fenway Park on gameday without "undue financial burden". Perhaps, the on-line version just hasn't been updated in a while.

"You see prices like that and it almost makes you ill," Tobin added."

Yeah, I can see how it would have that effect on some of our more "progressive" officials. Citizens of a free state using their privately-owned property to earn extra income. How sickening indeed. And, the fact that the city's coffers aren't seeing one dime of the profit generated by the same? Why, that's downright nauseating.

If that were my lot, I'd put up a big sign advertising parking at $5,000 a spot. Sure, no one would take me up on it, but to see the local pols shit themselves in righteous indignation over such a vulgar display of free-market capitalism would be so well worth it.

4x8 sheet of plywood: $15

Red and white paint: $10

Causing Mumbles & Company to fly off the proverbial handle and act like bigger bumbling morons than usual: PRICELESS

UPDATE: I must be slipping.

I forgot to include Chucky "Pornogate" Turner, Maureen "Lock up all gun owners" Feeney, and Michael "Let's outlaw illegal guns" Flaherty in my above list of illustrious Boston city councilors.