Tuesday, August 08, 2006

This Just In!

Drinking too much carbonated sugar-water can make you fat!

No shit.

Americans have sipped and slurped their way to fatness by drinking far more soda and other sugary drinks over the last four decades, a new scientific review concludes.

Where would we be without "scientific reviews"?

But, as is so often the case with stories of this nature, this one predictably goes from reporting the obvious to spewing the inane.

"We tried to look at the big picture rather than individual studies," and it clearly justifies public health efforts to limit sugar-sweetened beverages, said Dr. Frank Hu, who led the report published Tuesday in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition.

For those of you might have misplaced your Official Busybody Do-Gooder Translation Guide: public health efforts = governmental control over what you get to eat and drink.


Personally, I can tell you this. In September of 2003, I was laid off from my job, as a consequence of the company I was working for seeing its workload diminish. And, as a result, I got to spend three quality months raising my kids full-time, collecting my unemployment check, and NOT going out to lunch every day (i.e. I gave up KFC, Wendy's, chinese food, etc. - cold turkey).

Well, without even trying, between not eating fast food (with the Biggie-Size Cokes) on a regular basis and chasing my kids (who had just begun walking) around all day long, I dropped close to 30 pounds without even trying. I've since named this tried-and-true weight loss plan the "Unemployment Diet".

And, it wasn't as though I didn't have the extra weight to lose, either. We've got pictures from a vacation in Maui we took in 2001, before the kids were born, and let's just say, I wasn't exactly svelte.

As far as drinking soda goes, I have yet to suffer a full-blown Coke addiction relapse. In fact, I had a 12 oz. Coke this past week, and it was friggin' nasty. I can't believe I used to drink that shit.

Mmmmm...sickly, sweet syrupy goo![/homer]

That said, I do support efforts to limit [read: eliminate] the spending of public dollars for sugary soft drinks for kids, as well as limiting their availability in school vending machines, where the parents' ability to control what their children are eating and drinking is greatly diminished.

But, if any of you over-bearing assholes at the CSPI (e.g. food nazi extraordinaire Michael Jacobson) ever try to restrict my right to choose to drink that garbage, I'll have a stern "Go fuck yourself!" waiting in the wings for you, along with a swift shitkicker to groin.

UPDATE (sorta): I wrote this last night, but hadn't published it yet. And, then I saw this Boston Globe story this morning.

HOPKINTON, N.H. --Teaching kids proper nutrition is one thing, but a proposal to also ban sugar drinks from the faculty lounge or dictate what can be sold by school fundraisers goes too far, say some parents and teachers.


If the policy takes effect, people holding fundraisers would be encouraged to sell nutritious foods. Foods not meeting the guidelines would be eliminated. Drinks available through vending machines and snack bars, including those in staff lounges, would not include soda or fruit drinks of minimal nutritional value.

Hey, as long as the teachers are buying the soft drinks with their own money, and not dipping into the school district's budget to purchase their crappy, sugar-laden beverages , I say, "Drink up!" Last I checked, most of the teachers (well, OK, some) in our public schools are responsible adults capable of making their own decisions pertaining to what they eat and drink.

It's that pesky "pro-choice" concept, again, that those on the left love to selectively employ so much, whenever it suits their needs.

Now, 13-year-olds, like Hopkinton High School sophomore Katie Jackson, on the other hand...

"We should have our own choice to decide what we're going to eat and not going to eat," she said. "For teens who are active, if we want to eat junk food, that's what we want. If they got rid of it, I'd definitely bring it on my own."

Hey, if your mom and dad want to send you to school every day with a couple packs of Ding Dong's and a 2-liter bottle of Jolt, go for it.