Here's a New One

First, as we all know, it was the guns' evil doings.

Then it was poverty.

Then, at some point, it was the boredom brought on by the lack of midnight recreational programs (as opposed to the dangerous environment previously created by the presence of the same.

Then, at various times over the last few years, it's been t-shirts, iPods, high gas prices, children, tourists, 18th century bayonets, and naturally, law-abiding citizens.

Sound confusing? Well, fear not, gentle readers. City officials in Brockton, Massachusetts have finally figured it out. Yes, my friends...

Convenience stores cause crime!

BROCKTON -— City officials are asking all-night convenience stores to close for a few hours before dawn after a Brockton man was killed outside a 24-hour gasoline station early Friday.

City officials were delivering letters Friday to businesses with common victual licenses -— such as convenience stores and many gasoline stations that sell food -— asking them to close between 2 and 5 a.m. daily to discourage early morning crime that has plagued parts of the city, Mayor John T. Yunits Jr. said.

"It seems to be where our worse problems are -— and when our problems are," Yunits said. "They are always between 2 and 5 in the morning."

Letters requesting the closures were crafted after authorities noticed an increase in the number of violent crimes -— including cases of shots fired - near or outside several 24-hour convenience stores and gasoline stations.

You gotta believe me when I tell you how much I wish I was making this shit up.

UPDATE (12/4): I can't believe I missed this one: leaves.

[/rolleyes]

See you Monday.