Post Mortem Equine Flagellations

Looking back at some of the local news items from just the last couple of weeks, it's becoming more and more clear what a blissful world of peace...

Once inside, they put the woman in a kitchen chair and tied her up with rope. After the thieves threatened to hit the woman with a flashlight, she lead them to a paper bag that contained $55.

...joy...

NEWTON, Mass. -- Newton police arrested a man early Friday morning for allegedly breaking into a neighbor's house and stabbing a man and his wife.

...love...

DEDHAM -- An Everett man is the third person to be arrested and charged with forcing his way into a Dedham home last week and mugging a man inside, according to police Sgt. Robert Nedder.

[snip]

Nedder said since all three are accused of hitting the man, they are charged with armed burglary, even though they had no weapons.

...harmony...

LAWRENCE, Mass. - A 64-year-old man was tied to a bed with a telephone cord, beaten and left to die by a New Hampshire couple who then plundered his bank account, authorities said. The man was saved when his landlord found him 36 hours later.

...buttercups...

TAUNTON — A man was beaten and stabbed Wednesday evening during a fight at a sub shop on Washington Street.

...and sugarplums...

Van Callender, 46, 269 Broadway, was arrested and charged with assault and battery with a deadly weapon after allegedly hitting a man with a hammer.

12:50 a.m., a Berkshire Place resident reported that as he was exiting the 7-Eleven at Main and Portland streets, two men approached him, showed a knife and took $35. The suspects fled down Portland toward Broadway.

12:36 a.m., a Hastings Square resident reported that she was walking in the area of Pear and Cottage streets when two men showed a knife and took her cell phone and bag. The men fled toward Central Square.

...we would live in, if only we could make all the evil...

The victim was shopping inside Village Baby, at 23 Harvard St., around 3 p.m. on Dec. 20, when a man allegedly took her wallet, hit her and threatened to cut her if she did not get out of his way when he tried to leave the store.

...bloodthirsty...

He drove to a Wal-Mart in Framingham and saw a 25-year-old woman settling her 2-year-old son in his car seat. He jumped into the passenger seat, shoved a chef’s knife against her, and forced her to drive, threatening to kill her and her son if she didn’t do as he said, police said.

...mind-controlling...

On Dec. 19, a suspect in his 20s, armed with a knife, robbed a male resident as he crossed the footbridge over the Massachusetts Turnpike in Allston, according to a police report. The incident occurred around 8:45 p.m. The victim was not injured.

...guns...

A man is being treated for non-life threatening injures after Boston Police say he fell out of a window on Northampton Street while trying to escape from a suspect armed with a knife.

...disappear.

Right before Nikhil Dhar began beating and stabbing professor Mary Elizabeth Hooker outside her Cambridge home last Thursday evening, he told her, "Now I will have to go back to my country," according to police testimony at a court hearing yesterday.

All we need now is a way to blame New Hampshire and Vermont for all of this, and we'll be all set.