Bruce's Rules of Thumb

#16: If your blood alcohol content exceeds your age by 40 percent or more, do not attempt a boating expedition with your two-year-old.

According to court documents, Holly Spreen, 34, allegedly dropped her son, identified in court documents as E.V., while boarding the boat at approximately 1:50 p.m. last Friday. While doing so, one of her son's legs fell between the boat and the dock, causing the ship's crew to become concerned and call police.

"I observed Spreen's eyes to be bloodshot and glassy and she was unsteady on her feet," said Portsmouth Police Officer Charles Raizes in an affidavit filed at the Portsmouth District Court on Monday. "I noticed that Spreen's speech was slurred."

Raizes reported that Spreen initially refused to take a portable Breathalyzer test to be administered by Raizes, allegedly telling him, "I'll blow it." Spreen was later transported to Portsmouth Regional Hospital, where police say she recorded a .49 blood alcohol concentration during a blood test -- more than six times the legal limit to drive in the state.

Point-four-fucking-nine??? Yikes!

I haven't seen anything approaching those numbers since around 1985 or so, in the waning days of The Jumbo (a "wonderful dive" according to the Tufts alumni magazine) in Teele Square (Somerville, MA).