You Gotta Measure Off the Asshole Chart...

...to do this.

Investigators say a Philadelphia teenager wrapped a cat in duct tape, put it in a shopping bag and left it in a neighbor’s backyard.

Simple solution, really.

Find the kid who did this, slather him up with beef gravy, and throw him in a roomful of hungry lions and tigers (throw in some jackals for good measure), armed only with a roll of duct tape.