Monday, September 19, 2005

Gee, It's Been a While...

...since I've done a "More Stupid Fucking Dead Fucking Stupid Kids" post. This latest case of voluntary pavement poisoning comes from over the border in the Green Mountain State of Vermont.

Police: Man dies while mimicking TV show

WEST RUTLAND, Vt. --A 19-year-old Shrewsbury man died after he jumped from a moving vehicle while imitating a stunt from the television show "Jackass," the Vermont State Police said.

Police are treating the death of Adam Page as an "apparent accidental death."


A friend of Page videotaped the stunt from the front passenger seat and then grabbed the wheel. Two unidentified juveniles were sitting in the back seat of the car, one of whom was also videotaping the stunt, police said.

Let's recap - Deputy Dimbulb here "accidentally" jumped from a freakin' moving vehicle (while he was apparently the one driving it!) while two of his rocket scientist drinking buddies in the back seat "accidentally" had their camcorders trained on his stupid, soon-to-be lifeless ass. How fucking "accidental" of it all.

After Page jumped from the car, the friend, Adam Cota, 18, turned the car around and drove back to where Page was laying in the roadway.

Well, they did turn around to scrape him up see if he was OK. That was awfully nice of them. I'll tell you, the ghost of Charles Darwin must have been smiling down on the rest of these little bastards. They're lucky they didn't all become guardrail garnish.

They called for an ambulance after realizing Page was unresponsive. Page was pronounced dead on the way to the hospital.


Alright, let the hate mail commence - especially that which attempts to dismiss this behavior as normal adolescent horseplay, and includes the phrases "Like you haven't done something like that!", and, "Who are you to judge him?" Or, better yet, my all-time favorite, "He was the smartest, most caring person you could ever hope to meet."

I stand by my words. This kid was a friggin' moron (heavy emphasis on "was").

UPDATE: Here's more.

Police say Page was driving at about 30 miles an hour yesterday when he set the cruise control of his car and then jumped out the door.

Gee, I take it all back. He was a fucking genius, after all. It's a real shame he won't be around to date my daughters in 13 years. He could have tutored them in Newtonian physics.