Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Freedom Equals Death

It has been a while since I've read such a pathetic anti-gun column as this one. From the business section of the Boston Globe, comes this hyperbole-laden, Chicken Little-inspired, "The Sky is Falling" piece of blather from Globe columnist, Steve Bailey. You can almost taste the irrationality, fear and hatred in his words.

Live free and die

Yes, folks, according to this enlightened "progressive" thinker, freedom now equals death. I was woefully unaware of that until now - must have missed the memo. Thank you, Mr. Bailey for duly enlightening me as to this stunning new development.

WEST LEBANON, N.H. -- In the manic environment of the first shopping weekend after Thanksgiving, the competition was fierce. We hesitated and lost out on a lovely, slightly used grenade launcher, bargain priced in tax-free New Hampshire at $190.

I'll assume, based on his vilification here of "grenade launchers", that Mr. Bailey would also advocate the banning of small, single engine aircraft, seeing as they could be used to drop explosives on innocent children playing outside. A grenade launcher without a grenade is a metal pipe. I guess you could beat someone to death with an unloaded grenade launcher, but I suspect that's not the point he's trying to make here.

Not to worry. The dozens of dealers at the Fireside Inn gun show came well armed.

Gun dealers at a gun show? Dozens of them? With guns? AAAGGHHH!!! THE HUMANITY!!! I'm shocked the gun show didn't register at least a half-dozen homicides that day. Yet, none of these guns managed to jump up and kill ANYONE? Who would want to go to a gun show to buy such defective firearms?

Andrew Heggie, a Randolph police officer, spotted a Bushmaster, similar to the rifle he carried in two tours of duty in Afghanistan.

Yeah, just like a Honda Civic with a low front spoiler, a whale tail on the back and a bunch of "Type R Racing" stickers on it is "similar" to a Formula One race car.

And he found an AK-47, the same gun the enemy carried.

Doubtful. Even if it was a full-auto AK, the sale and possession of such a weapon would still be highly regulated by existing federal law. But, why let those silly facts ruin a good fit of hysteria. You've got uneducated people to scare, damn it!

There were military sniper rifles...

Clearly, we must act now to ban these excessively accurate firearms.... FOR THE CHILDRENTM!!! The world would clearly be a be much safer place if all guns were made to shoot at least a foot high and to the left at a distance of 50 yards. Besides, who, other than a crazed, maniacal killer, needs a rifle that can actually deliver a round to its intended target?

...and an M-16-type "machine pistol"...

Not sure what that might be, exactly, but it sure sounds scary. I think I peed my pants just thinking about it.

...capable of firing off 100 rounds before reloading...

Unlike any firearm that can accept a 100-round magazine.

...the kind of gun only an angry high school student could love.

When did I become an "angry high school student"? Someone has got to get my name on the distribution list for these important memos I seem to be missing on a regular basis.

Saturday night specials were cheap and plentiful.

What? You mean poor people are actually allowed to exercise their Constitutional rights in some parts of the country? Get me Senator Kennedy on the phone! Now, damn it! This loophole must be closed at once! How dare the peasantry demand equality!

In the end, we settled on a .38-caliber revolver, a trashy little thing popular with thugs in cities like Boston.

And liberal, gun-grabbing senators from San Francisco. But again, why let reality interfere with a good fear-laden rant?

Made by Connecticut's Charter 2000 Inc. in New England's "Gun Valley," the revolver retails for $349, but my fellow New Hampshire shopper, Walter Belair, picked it up, cash and carry, for just $240. It took Belair, a former prison guard, less than 20 minutes to fill out the federal forms and get approved over the phone. It took me longer to buy a refrigerator at Sears a few weeks ago.

And that's a relevant comparison, how, exactly?


It's amazing people like this can muster up the courage to leave the house in the morning without suffering a fatal fear-induced heart attack.

(thanks to loyal reader, Reginleif, for the link)