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Just another weekend in the land of the "most effective gun laws in the nation".

Five Teens Arrested, Charged With Armed Robbery

Five teens will be arraigned in the Boston Juvenile Court on charges of delinquency to wit and armed robbery.

Excuse me.

"Delinquency to wit"?

Oooh, I'm sure that's got 'em shaking in their Timberlands. I don't suppose "delinquency to wit" would bear any resemblance to "aggravated assault", or "assault with a deadly weapon", by any chance, would it?

The five boys, a 14 and 15-year-old from Roxbury, a 16-year-old from Avon and a 15-year-old from Boston, are accused of robbing a victim at gunpoint on Boston’s Boylston Street and Park Drive Saturday night. The victim says the five teens approached him, pointed a gun at his abdomen and the back of his head, took his bag and fled the scene.

Damn, that wasn't very nice of them at all. There should really be a law against doing shit like that.

But hey, at least we won't have to worry about these little choirboys a year from now, once they've been sprung from juvenile lock-up. With the kind of record they'll be carrying, they'll never be able to get a License to Carry a Firearm in this town.

Problem solved.

By the way, you all did purchase the extended warranty service plan, as I recommended, when you had your sarcasm filters installed, right?

Meanwhile...

Day of violence: Slaying followed by multiple Hub shootings, stabbings

A violent weekend in Boston was punctuated by the murder of a homeless man who may have been brutally gunned down in a case of mistaken identity.

[snip]

The homicide was followed by two early-morning shootings and a stabbing in Dorchester and stabbings in Roxbury and the Fenway neighborhoods. A 26-year-old black man was shot twice on Floyd Street in Dorchester at 4:10 a.m., witnesses said. An hour later, a 38-year-old woman was stabbed at the intersection of Hampden and Kimball streets in Roxbury, Boston police said.

Damn it! Someone get me Attorney General Reilly on the phone, I have a consumer complaint against Ruger Firearms I'd like to to file with his office. My new gun is defective. I've had it for a month and a half, and it hasn't caused any crime yet.

UPDATE: Oops...missed one.

Boston Police Investigate Fatal Shooting Of Teen

An 18-year-old is dead after he was shot on Bragdon St. in Roxbury last night. When police responded to the call of shots fired, they were told that the shooting victim drove off. The teen’s was later found inside the vehicle on Columbus Ave. and Cedar Street.

Stay tuned for the press release from Mayor Menino's office expressing his outrage (form #23-B) over this latest shooting - to be immediately followed by calls for additional restrictions on my ability to protect my family from the more violence-prone faction of his voter base.

UPDATE (10/24): It's getting hard to keep up.

From the Boston Herald police logs:

A 20-year-old man walking near Harvard and Gleason streets around 1:30 p.m. yesterday was riddled with bullets and taken to Boston Medical Center, where his injuries were miraculously said to be nonlife-threatening. The victim, a Dorchester resident, told police he didn't recognize the shooter or the gun blasting away in his hand.

I'll start a new post for Monday's shootings.

UPDATE (10/25): Damn it, I missed another one.

A man brandishing a handgun tried to rob a 13-year-old and an 18-year-old from Roxbury as they walked to church Sunday morning.

The victims were on Clifton Street in Uphams Corner when the would-be robber shoved the boys up against a wall and pressed what appeared to be a silver semiautomatic handgun into the back of their heads, police say. "Empty your pockets," he told the teens.

When the two boys showed the attacker they didn't have any money in their pockets, he fled up Clifton Street.

No need to be alarmed. The mayor assures us that this one incident of armed assault is just that - ONE incident. Now run along.

And remember...vote Menino! He knows what's best for you.