Tuesday, May 02, 2006

24 - The Morning After

Episode 20: 2:00 AM to 3:00 AM

Bruce's Five-Point Review

1. Go, Chloe!

Q: What could be possibly better Chloe knocking out some drunk, obnoxious dickhead with a stungun? I mean, other than this.

A: Knocking out said dickhead with a stungun twice, of course.

2. It's a damn good thing the show's not set in Boston. That bar would have been closed an hour ago. She'd have had to make her way to the Kinvara Pub in Allston (which I hear is closing soon, if it hasn't already). If there was one place you could count on to facilitate the picking up of drunk, loose women - not that I'd know, of course, being such a morally upstanding citizen serve you a Guinness at 2:00 in the morning, it was the Kinvara.

3. The Vice President is going to be awfully busy issuing presidential pardons when this day is over.

"Let's see...hijacking a plane, assaulting a federal air marshal, shooting an innocent woman in the leg, breaking and entering, kidnapping, stealing a police car, and discharging a scary firearm in the state of California? Ehhhh...no biggie. You're free to go."

4. I'm sensing a little Romeo and Juliet kinda subplot thing developing here.

Martha over-medicates and drinks herself into a coma. Secret Service Agent Aaron "Kryptonite" Pierce, freshly rejuvenated after a breakfast of 10d galvanized nails, finds her lying in her suite and assumes she's committed suicide. Distraught over the fact that he never got a piece of the first lady, who TOTALLY wanted him, he takes out his service weapon and calmly puts a .40-caliber slug between Logan's eyes.

Mrs. Logan regains consciousness just in time to argue with Aaron over his choice of handgun caliber. Turns out she's a big fan of the .45 - who knew? Aaron explains that in his line of work, he needs the extra magazine capacity made possible by opting for the smaller caliber cartridge.

Mrs. Logan says, "Yeah, whatever." And they make crazy monkey love on the rug while Mike Novick hauls President Logan's corpse out to the dumpster to burn it.

5. No, you're eyes and ears did not deceive you. We actually made it through one whole episode without Jack saying, "Henderson has escaped!". Don't worry, there's still plenty of time for him to spring himself from custody. I figure he's got at least one more escape in him. He'll have to if he's going to be the one who kills Logan (and Miles, for good measure) at the end of the season.

And seein' as I sill owe you one from last week.

6. Why was the baggage compartment even pressurized to begin with? Must've been a lot of duty-free scotch down there, and they didn't want any of it to meet an untimely end. This is good news for Not-the-Bad-Guy and air marshal guy. If I'm on a plane about to shot down, I'd want my last drink to be a fine single-malt.