Friday, November 03, 2006

Boston Globe Redefines "Stylish"

Adam at Universal Hub takes the Boston Globe to task over their ridiculous, and pathetically unoriginal, Top-25 list of the most "stylish" Bostonians. If nothing else, it makes for a good, light-hearted Friday Fun post. So, here's my expert analysis of what passes for being stylish in Boston today (click pics to enlarge).

Boston city councilor Michael P. Ross said style means "Feeling comfortable, but appropriate."

Nice vest, McFly.

Actor and clothing designer John Malkovich said he feels as though all fashion is a reference to something. He finds influence for designs in anything that may spark inspiration.

All I see is a reference to neckwear purchased from the discount bin at Dorks' Wearhouse, and a $12.99 white button-down shirt from Costco that's at least two inches too wide across the shoulders.

Anne Keffer of Back Bay says she has high-fashion influences from magazines around her office, but ultimately wants to feel good in what she wears.

I'm sorry. I'm unable to critique this outfit right now, on account of my being too creeped out by her backwards ostrich knees. Eewww!

Architect Stephen Chung conforms to the "architects wear black" code.

Yeah, real cutting edge there, pal. Most of us call that the "everyone in Allston was wearing that same dumpy-looking crap back in 1986" code. I guess, maybe, it becomes stylish twenty years later if you dress like that and stand on the table like a third-grader making some kind of anti-broccoli protest statement.

Francois Bardonnet, owner of Antiques Period in Beacon Hill, admits that even as a Fenchman...

Gotta admire those fashion-conscious Fench.

...he admires Princes Philip and Charles of Great Britain's distinguished styles.

Which explains, somehow, why he's adopted a look that any guy with $100 and afternoon to kill can have after a quick trip to Supercuts and J.C. Penney. Seriously, I can get dressed in five minutes on a Saturday morning for a trip to Home Depot to buy paint and be more "stylish" that this.

Television judge Maria Lopez said she can't resist a big sale. She finds them often, and goes on four or five shopping sprees a year.


"For work I have a stylist," she said. "Her name is LaToya, a very sensuous woman with impeccable taste. She dresses me in these bright-colored shirts that were actually made for me by Ascot Chang. She took me there and had me fitted and had two-dozen different-color blouses."

OK, if you make it past the age of 50, and still lack the acumen required to dress yourself nicely, there's something seriously wrong with you.

Former fashion retailer and buyer Marilyn Reisman said she'd kill anybody if they touched her things.

I guess the Globe's definition of "style" now includes, "AAAAGH! What the fuck is that? Get the kids inside!". Halloween's over, Skeletor.

Well, there you have it. The evidence is clear. I'm simply not the Boston Globe's "standards".

Then again, what the hell do they know?