Once Upon a Time In Scotland

There used to be this breed of man, known as Scots - honorable and courageous men with great big balls under their kilts - who lived and died fighting the tryrannical rulers of the day who sought to oppress them and strip them of their freedom and natural-born rights.

Sadly, those noble men have seemingly been replaced by this sackless bunch of pussies.

The Scottish Executive's crackdown on knife crime could lead to a rise in the use of guns [which were, of course, cracked down upon previously], a government adviser has warned.

Justice department officials have been told of a possible influx of illegal firearms into the country [BLAME FRANCE! - ed.] a result of the high-profile campaign to get knives off the streets.

Ministers have introduced a series of measures to make it harder for criminals to carry knives, including a licensing scheme for the sale of non-domestic knives and tougher sentences for people caught carrying bladed weapons.

Knife licensing and scissors control. Yeah, that'll help. I can practically smell the ensuing peace and tranquility from here.

How sad.

How utterly fucking sad.

What's worse is, we've got a bunch of bumbling idiots like Tom "Manhole" Menino, Jarrett "Fluffboy" Barrios, and Tommy "Slingshot" Reilly watching all of this unfold and taking notes.