Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Mayor of Portsmouth (NH) Tries His Hand at Satire

...I think.

For fiscal responsibility, NH must elect Democrats

AT ALL LEVELS of government, the record of the last 15 years is clear: If you care about fiscal responsibility, if you care about a government that knows we must live within our means, then you must elect Democrats.

Come again?

He's being serious?

Holy cerebral disconnect, Batman!

Where to begin?

How about the unprecedented 17 percent increase in state spending the Democrats pushed through upon achieving their majority in the State House this year? Did I mention they're not really sure where the money's going to come from to pay for it all?

If that's Marchand's definition of "fiscal responsibility" and "[living] within our means", I'll pass, thanks.

Here are some of his other "compelling" reasons to vote Democrat.

In terms of which party is more concerned with the world we leave the next generation, the choice is even clearer. As a U.S. Senate candidate earlier this year, I heard the anxiety of countless residents concerned that the direction of the Bush administration -- supported by Sen. John Sununu and most Republican leadership -- was disastrous for the next generation.

A war with no plan, and no end in sight.

As opposed to the State-sanctioned rape rooms, torture chambers (no "panties on head" treatment here), ethnic cleansing, and mass executions of women and children which would still be operating today "with no end in sight", while the perpetrators thumb their noses at the international community, enjoy the life of luxury, and starve their own people while they hoard relief supplies and food shipments intended for "the children".

And, not that I agree with his fifth grade-level assessment of the current status of the war, but I'll take "no plan" over "Let the U.N. handle it" any damn day.

An economy with a shrinking middle class, and over $9 trillion in debt -- much of it owed to China.

Given that the Democrats in Congress are now pushing for an expansion of government-run health care for "poor" people making more than $80,000 a year, and one of them is running for president on the promise of increasing the tax burden on the "rich" people making $98,000 a year to fund Social Security, I'm surprised there's still a "middle-class" left.

At the rate they're going, if a Democrat makes it to the White House in January of '09, not only will the middle class not exist, but the goalposts defining the middle class will finally pass each other like lost ships in the fog, and their Socialist workers' paradise will at last become a reality.

An environmental policy that creates the false choice of growing our economy vs. protecting our environment. (To the contrary, a strong 21st century economy will be driven by innovation in environmentally friendly technology.)

As if the Democrats are all about letting the free market drive the development of new alternate energy technologies. As Teddy "Wind Farm" Kennedy or Hillary "Excess Oil Profits" Clinton about this one.

Please. What a joke.

Two words: Carbon offsets (make checks payable to Albert Gore, Jr.).

A disdain for Americans' civil liberties, from the Patriot Act, to government intrusion in a woman's right to choose.

A woman's right to choose what, exactly?

Where to smoke?

Where to send their kids to school?

Which talk radio shows to listen to?

How best to spend their own money?

What kind of car to buy?

What kind of donuts to eat?

Whether to own a handgun?

Gimme a freakin' break! The Democrats cornered the market on government intrusion into our private lives decades ago.

This guy's living in some kind of George Costanza "opposite world". There's simply no other logical explanation. What's really scary is he probably thinks he's got his finger on the pulse of mainstream America.

A health care policy that has seven million more Americans uninsured today than when President Bush entered office in 2001.

Of course, that number includes a lot of folks who are in between jobs, or have just started new jobs and don't qualify for their employers' health benefits quite yet.

And, let's not forget all those Americans who can afford to purchase private health insurance, yet CHOOSE not to. Now, I thought we were supposed to respect and celebrate their right to choose.

I'm confused.

OK, one more before I hit the sack.

Moving back to the belief that deficits do matter, particularly to our children who will inherit the debt that comes from this generation's lack of leadership, is about leaving behind the strongest, most dynamic economy possible for our children. They should not be held captive, through indebtedness, by the Chinese.

Democrat presidential candidates being "held captive, through indebtedness, by the Chinese."?

No problem.

Pass the duck sauce.