Please, PLEASE, Tell Me This Is a Joke

Because, if it isn't, the "reset button" is a lot closer that I thought.

Washington Times: Want some torture with your peanuts?

Just when you thought you’ve heard it all...

A senior government official with the U.S. Department of Homeland Security (DHS) has expressed great interest in a so-called safety bracelet that would serve as a stun device, similar to that of a police Taser®. According to this promotional video found at the Lamperd Less Lethal, Inc. website, the bracelet would be worn by all airline passengers (video also shown below).

This bracelet would:

• take the place of an airline boarding pass

• contain personal information about the traveler

• be able to monitor the whereabouts of each passenger and his/her luggage

• shock the wearer on command, completely immobilizing him/her for several minutes

The Electronic ID Bracelet, as it’s referred to, would be worn by every traveler “until they disembark the flight at their destination.” Yes, you read that correctly. Every airline passenger would be tracked by a government-funded GPS, containing personal, private and confidential information, and would shock the customer worse than an electronic dog collar if the passenger got out of line.

Oh, but don't worry. The manufacturer has passed along this most reassuring update.

We wish to clear up any misconceptions regarding the EMD Safety Bracelet for Airline Security.

The bracelets remain inactive until a hijacking situation has been identified. At such time a designated crew member will activate the bracelets making them capable of delivering the punitive measure - but only to those that need to be restrained.

Such as any "unruly passengers" who might be in the process of beating the shit out of a would-be hijacker?

We believe that all passengers will welcome deliverance from a hijacking, as will the families, carriers, insurance providers etc.

I believe you and any bloated government-employed stooge who would even think that this as a good idea can go into a dark corner and self-fornicate.

The F-16 on the wing-tip is not to reassure the passengers during a hijacking, but rather to shoot them down. Besides activation using the grid screen, the steward / stewardess will have a laser activator that can activate any bracelet as needed by simply pointing the laser at the bracelet - that laser dot only needs to be within 10 inches of the bracelet to activate it.

Well, thanks for clearing that up.

I feel better now.

I mean, what could POSSIBLY go wrong?

Strap me in.

And, in case you need reminding.

But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.

UPDATE: Not a joke, but a misunderstanding, of sorts.

Michelle Malkin has the info.

Color me semi-placated.