Thursday, August 10, 2006

Free Advice

The following is being provided today, free of charge, for any candidate opposing Attorney General Tom Reilly in the 2006 race for governor in Massachusetts, who wishes to put together one of the most effective political ads of all time. Of course, if you have no interest in doing that, and aren't serious about actually becoming Governor, you are equally free to ignore this post entirely. It's you're call.

(cue voice-over)

This fall, the voters of Massachusetts will be asked to make a choice. A new governor will be elected this November to lead the Commonwealth into the future.

Attorney General Tom Reilly wants that job.

Attorney General wants to define that future.

So, as one would do with any job applicant, let's have a look at his resume and relevant work experience, shall we?

As the top law enforcement officer in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, Attorney General Tom Reilly has...

...taken a tough stance against drunk driving.

Unless, of course the people driving drunk happen to be the children of a prominent campaign contributor.

...cracked down on the ease with which Massachusetts residents can obtain of dangerous weapons.

Like $5 plastic slingshots being sold at Toys 'R' Us.

...been honest and straightforward with the citizens of Massachusetts.

Except for when he has to lie through his teeth to garner support for whichever piece of bleeding-heart legislation is the latest to work its way through Beacon Hill, like last year's bill designed to give college tuition discounts to illegal aliens.

...has been a staunch ally of small businesses throughout the state.

Unless those business owners had the audacity to want to sell cranberry sauce to their neighbors on Thanksgiving.

...has been a strong supporter of individual rights.

But, only those rights, which he believes, the peasant class is worthy of being given by a totalitarian regime with a proven track record of infringing the rights of the most decent, law-abiding citizens.

...has come down hard on those individuals caught defrauding the Commonwealth by not paying their taxes, as required by state law.

Unless, of course, the dishonest, fiscally irresponsible tax cheat in question, happens to be the person he once chose to be his potential running mate.

...has had a dramatic effect on the availability of handguns in the Commonwealth.

Of course, he's only really concerned about the availability of handguns for law-abiding, licensed gun owners, who have the nerve to want to protect their families from harm. Gang members, drug dealers, and rapists in the inner cities of Massachusetts will continue to carry guns in record numbers, regardless.

...has fought long and hard bringing to justice those insurance companies found guilty of bid-rigging and price-fixing in the insurance market.

Just so long as you're talking about commercial insurance, and not the sacred golden cow of state-regulated auto insurance.

Tom Reilly for Governor: A million illegal
aliens, tax cheats, drunk drivers, drug
dealers, rapists, and insurance company
lobbyists can't be wrong.