Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Definition Dependence Syndrome

As always, it all depends on one's definition of "accidentally".

MANCHESTER, N.H. -- Police said that a man playing Russian roulette shot and killed himself Monday night.

Witnesses told police that Anthony Santiago Cadiz Jr., 19, pulled the trigger of a gun once and nothing happened. He tried again, but the gun went off.

Attention, passengers! The Darwin Express is now boarding on Track #4. This is an express train - no stops.

And, what's with this "but the gun went off" bullshit? As if that was some kind of far-fetched, highly-unpredictable outcome of pulling the trigger of a loaded handgun. Try this one on for size...

...and the gun went off, just like it was designed to do.

There, was that too hard?

Police said Cadiz accidentally killed himself while playing Russian roulette with a .357-caliber Magnum revolver. The shooting happened in front of friends in an apartment in the city.

Personally, I'd have gone with something like this.

In his attempt to commit suicide, Mr. Cadiz accidentally forgot to manually advance the cylinder one notch, after loading the revolver with just a single cartridge, and had to pull the trigger a second time to achieve the desired result.

But, that's just me.

And, of course, you can be sure the choruses of "Blame the gun!" will be ringing loud and clear from the liberal blissninny camps, for they like nothing better than infringing the rights of millions based on the reckless, utterly fucking retarded behavior of a relative few.

Though, they're well aware (unless, they really are as stupid as they appear) that there is no legislative action possible, nor executive order, of any kind, short of involuntary commitment to a psychiatric facility, that will stop someone as idiotic as the late Dr. NASA in the story above from removing himself from the gene pool.

And even wrist restraints in the room with bouncy wallpaper is no guarantee.

You're talking about an individual whose IQ is hovering somewhere around the square root of his favorite football player's jersey number. Left to his own devices, it's simply not a question of "if". It's "when".

UPDATE: From the Union Leader:

Cadiz Sr., sitting in his living room, shook his head in disbelief. He and other family members are trying to figure out where Santiago got the gun.

Where's the mystery? This is New Hampshire we're talking about. Obviously, he just stepped outside, walked into the woods, and picked it off a handgun tree.

Anyone of his mental capacity (or lack thereof) who spends more than five minutes listening to Boston Mayor Tom Menino discussing the topic of "illegal guns", will likely think that's where they all come from.

Because, they certainly aren't coming from the crime-free streets of Massachusetts (the #1 source of crime guns recovered in Massachusetts, by the way).

Cadiz Jr. was a kid of the violent streets of Springfield, Mass., said his father. He was born in Northhampton, Mass., and raised in Springfield by his mother, Melissa Vasquez.

This influx of stupid douchecracks, like the late Mr. Cadiz, into New Hampshire is clearly the fault of states like Massachusetts and their lax idiot control laws.

More on that later.

I gotta get to work on that fence.

UPDATE II: Speaking of surviving brain donors:

SHEBOYGAN, Wis. --Sheboygan County prosecutors hope to add imprisonment to injury. They charged a 31-year-old man Monday with being a felon in possession of a firearm after he shot himself in the foot Friday.

Patrick R. Hupf Jr. was cleaning the trigger of a .22-caliber rifle when it fired and hit him in the right foot, according to a criminal complaint. Hupf said the gun belonged to his father, the complaint said.

Court-ordered sterilization notwithstanding, it's a pity there's no such thing as moron control legislation.