Friday, August 31, 2007

Scenes From My Local Wal-Mart

This subject could be an entire blog unto itself - no shortage of blogworthy material. Of course, that would all depend on your definition of "worthy". Given what happened a few weeks ago, this might have to become a regular feature here.

I was walking out of Wal-Mart with one of my kids in tow. We stopped at the crosswalk and waited for traffic to stop so we could cross. Halfway through the crosswalk, I realize that the guy in the car to my right hadn't stopped but had merely slowed to a crawl, and decided to keep on going.

We stopped and watched him drive right by us, completely oblivious to out presence. When he turned right to look for a parking spot, we saw his license plate - CLUELES. Can't fault the guy for his honesty.

Fast forward to this morning.

First, there was the guy I passed on the way to the coffee section who looked like a 50-year-old version of Danny Bonaduce and Larry Bangor's lovechild. Creepy. Trust me.

Then, I get to the coffee section, where I see that some idiot had dumped half of a five-pound bag into the coffee grinder and then abandoned his coffee-purchasing plans after spilling ground coffee all over the place, and leaving the grinder full of beans.

At the frozen foods section, I grabbed a box of corn dogs with the instructions to "KEEP FROZEN AT ALL TIMES" printed on the front of the box. ALL times? I gotta think the kids will enjoy them more if we warm them up a tad.

Next, while looking for a big margarita pitcher, I walk past a rack with some cheesy movie-related merchandise, including a Pirates of the Caribbean bath scrubby thing - you know, just like real pirates used to use at bathtime.

I finally get all my shit together and head to the checkout, where I got carded for the beer I was getting. That hasn't happened in a while.

Last up, the red mustang I passed on the way home. License plate "40-S&W".

God bless New Hampshire.

UPDATE: Had to go back for a big plastic beverage tub. On the way in, I passed a father and son walking out with what I assume was the kid's first Daisy BB gun. Nice.