Saturday, June 10, 2006

I'm In Trouble Now

I stepped on an ant yesterday in my kitchen - an unprovoked attack against a defenseless animal. I'd best turn myself in to the authorities.

From the Boston Herald:

A 40-year-old high-rise window washer sat in a downtown lockup last night on felony animal cruelty charges after an MSPCA cop arrested him for defending himself against an attacking sea gull, police and the man'’s wife said.

Oh, sweet smoking Jesus, people! It was a goddamn SEAGULL! What the hell, you slap a pair of wings on a friggin' rat, and suddenly it's an endangered species or something???

What's next, prosecuting the Orkin man?

On the other hand, it's nice to see that all the real crime in the city has been eradicated. I mean, how else could anyone justify taking up the court's valuable time, and the city's limited resources, prosecuting this kind of bullshit?

UPDATE: Via reader, Ross.

Roof access door at 10 Milk Street in Boston.

There's only one thing we can do now, folks.

Ban window washers!

UPDATE: From the Boston Herald (6/11/06)

"The (Boston) cops in the transport told me, 'This is ridiculous. We didn'’t want to take you in, but the MSPCA cop made the call,'’ " Guay said of his brief chat with Boston officers while shackled in the back of a prisoner-transport truck.

He will be arraigned Tuesday on charges of animal cruelty, a felony.

Note to Attorney General Tom Reilly:

It's not that I want to offer you free advice on how to get your campaign for governor out of perpetual stumble mode, but if ever there was a time to get on the phone and make some calls to get a "criminal" investigation quashed, this is it.

Trust me on this one, the support of the voters in this state who are fed up with this kind of bullshit is something your campaign really needs right now. This would be a major PR coup for your office. All you'd need to do is convince the voters of the sincerity behind your new-found willingness to do something about the lack of common sense that is so prevalent in the Commonwealth today.

Good luck pulling that one off, Colonel Slingshot.

UPDATE II: Never mind.

In order for Attorney General Reilly to speak up on Mr. Guay's behalf, he'd have to express the belief that decent, hard-working people have the right to defend themselves from harm. And, that's not something he'll be going "on record" with anytime soon ever.

What say you, Deval?