Tuesday, June 30, 2009

The Sincerest Form of Flattery?

From the latest incarnation of Christy Mihos' campaign website:

Think he'll want to borrow my old header graphic? It's a classic.

(H/T: e-mail from John K.)

UPDATE: And, I find his "Digging for Truth" The Big Dig Story page somewhat lacking as well.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Quote of the Day

Mark Steyn:

Well, it would be unreasonable to expect Hamilton, a city of half-a-million people just down the road from Canada's largest city (Greater Toronto Area, five-and-a-half million) in the most densely populated part of Canada's most populous province (Ontario, 13 million people) to be able to offer the same level of neonatal care as Buffalo, a post-industrial ruin in steep population decline for half-a-century.

Nothing like a good bit of snark to start your work week.

And, from the I Guess It All Depends On One's Definition of "Guaranteed" file:

I won’t get into the relative merits of the American and Canadian health-care systems here. Suffice it to say that there obviously need to be more neo-natal intensive care unit beds up here. Thankfully — and this doesn’t mean that the American system is better (after all, at least the couple and their baby are guaranteed care up here, thanks to our public system, even if it’s not perfect) — there was an opening south of the border.

Reality disconnect, aisle five!

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Pabst Gets the Blue Ribbon

Under-bite helps Pabst become World's Ugliest Dog

That's Mr. Pabst to you, buddy.

Writer's Block Strikes Again

I've been racking my brain trying to come up with a good (and, by that, I mean utterly tasteless and insensitive) Billy Mays/OxiClean joke, but I'm coming up empty.

Rest in peace, Billy. Head toward the bright Orange Glo.

This is Getting Eppin' Ridiculous

So, I've been planning on writing a post here about the drinking water in Epping, New Hampshire, as in "What the hell is in the water in Epping?". But, there's so much blogworthy crap going on there, it's hard to keep up.

Seems I can't go two days without hearing some news story on the radio about some dipshit doing something off-the-chart stupid/bizarre in Epping (the hometown of noted boyfriend butcher/burner, Sheila LaBarre).

A couple weeks ago, there was a guy who got into a fender-bender that popped his hood up, and he kept on driving with his head sticking out the window until the cops pulled him over (no link, sorry).

Then, last week, there was this story of a guy who was arrested for firing a rifle in his front yard during his daughter's graduation party.

A couple days after that, 19-year-old Russell Call of Newton went missing after crashing his car in Epping and walking through the woods for two days before showing up in some guy's back yard.

And, just yesterday, this asshole decided to jump on the hood of a car driven by a guy who supposedly cut him off on 125 by the Burger King and drew down on him.

Not to excuse what Captain Shitferbrains did, by any measure, but I've been cut off a couple times by people whipping out of that Burger King parking lot. There's not a whole lot of merging space available there.

Google Street View:

It's also on the stretch of 125 near the 101 interchange where the speed limit drops to 40 mph before going back up to 55 further down the road. Needless to say, people don't always give half a crap about the speed limit signs, especially if they get green lights at the 101 underpass. I'll wager Quickdraw McDouchebag wasn't going 40 when he came up on the Burger King.

UPDATE: Here's the missing link, via reader PISSED in the comments.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Watching "Cap & Trade" Debate on C-SPAN

It's days like this that remind me that the phrase "foreign and domestic" wasn't put in our country's various oaths of service on a whim.

UPDATE: The largest tax increase in our nation's history just passed the House by a margin of 219-212, with eight Republicans (soon-to-be unemployed, God willing) jumping in bed with the Marxist revolutionaries.

Thursday, June 25, 2009


Blah, blah, blah.

That is all.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

All That Beating and Shooting Wearing You Out?

Come have a burger and a cold Bud, on us.

Washington, 23 June (WashingtonTV)—The United States said on Monday that its invitations to Iranian diplomats to attend 4 July celebrations were still standing, despite the continued crackdown on demonstrators in Iran.

I'm no expert in the field of foreign relations and international diplomacy, but I could think of a couple better ways to celebrate the anniversary of our country's independence from a tyrannical government than by inviting representatives of the current Iranian government over to my house for a cookout.

Exit question: Can we question their patriotism now?

Friday, June 19, 2009



WASHINGTON, June 15 /PRNewswire-USNewswire/ -- Grilled steak and barbecue ribs are the sure fire winners for a perfect meal for Dad, according to a new poll conducted by the American Meat Institute. More than four in ten (42 percent) Americans chose steak and 14 percent chose barbecue ribs as the best dishes for dad on Father's Day.

According to the poll of 1,000 Americans on May 16, hamburgers (13 percent) rounded out the top three meals. Meat dishes dominated the top picks, while veggie burgers were selected by just 2 percent of respondents. Other meat picks that Dads love include: barbecue chicken, grilled pork chops and grilled lamb chops.

If anything represents a threat to traditional marriage, it ain't gays getting hitched. It's women cooking veggie burgers for their husbands on Father's Day.

And, the folks making up that 42% of the respondents picking steak have obviously never been over at my place for my slow-cooked spare ribs.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Quote of the Day: Words of Wisdom Edition

Brad Paisley, speaking at last night's CMT Awards on the value of learning how to play guitar.

'Rock Band' never got anybody a date -- never.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Match Made in Heaven

From the Narragansett Beer Facebook page:

Narragansett Beer Promo at Sligo Pub in Somerville 9:30 to 11:30 tonight!

Oh, the memories (or lack thereof).

The Next Logical Step

These guys have been dating for so long now, it was only a matter of time until they moved in together.


Tue Jun 16 2009 08:45:10 ET

On the night of June 24, the media and government become one, when ABC turns its programming over to President Obama and White House officials to push government run health care -- a move that has ignited an ethical firestorm!

Highlights on the agenda:

ABCNEWS anchor Charlie Gibson will deliver WORLD NEWS from the Blue Room of the White House.

The network plans a primetime special -- 'Prescription for America' -- originating from the East Room, exclude (sic) opposing voices on the debate.

On a related note, the person who can come up with the best "What do the initials ABC really stand for?" entry in the comments, as judged my yours truly, will receive a half-dozen "Know the Real Enemy" bumper stickers.

I'm going with "Army of Barackian Cockgobblers".

Of course, you could just go and buy a whole bunch, too.


Way to much bloggy goodness floating around the news wires today.

How am I supposed to get to it all?

One thing I wanted to get to before it became last decade's news was this post over at Jay G.'s place. He was nice enough to save me the trouble of having to type it up myself. The least I could do is send a link his way to say thanks.

I can guarantee you this, though. If I were to pick up one of my guns, walk into a busy area, and start pulling the trigger, I would be up on first degree murder charges before the last casing hit the ground.

Needless to say, you'll have to click on over to see what the hell he's talking about.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Fart, Wind...

...some assembly required.

I made it to 1:05 before it got too painful to watch.

(via Say Anything)

Friday, June 12, 2009

I've Got a Pretty Good Guess


CONCORD, N.H. -- A Jackson man has been indicted on charges he voted for president twice in November's election.

Thirty-one-year-old Christopher Luke Fithian faces one felony and one misdemeanor charge of wrongful voting. The grand jury accused him of voting in Gorham using a ballot for the unincorporated township of Pinkham's Grant, then voted again in Jackson, using the town's general election ballot. It's not known whom he voted for.

There isn't a soul alive so enamored with John McCain as to vote for him twice. Most of us had a hard enough time voting for him once.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Letterman's "Apology"

It's all a big misunderstanding, apparently. He meant for that crude, sexual joke to be about Palin's other teenage daughter.

Saying he hopes he's "cleared part of this up," Letterman extended an invitation to Palin to come on the show as a guest.

Allow me to translate:

"Sorry 'bout all those horribly degrading comments I directed at you and your daughters. What say you come on my show some time, send my sagging ratings through the damn roof for me, and we'll call it even?"

Yeah, she's gonna jump all over that.

CBS Reprimands Letterman

By handing him a two-year contract extension.

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Call It a Hunch...

...but, I have to think that if Barack Obama had taken his daughters to a Washington Wizards game, and a conservative television personality made a joke about one of them getting raped and impregnated at halftime by Antawn Jamison, that person might be in the middle of a major shitstorm right about now.

Because nothing says "veritable barrel of laughs" quite like a joke about a 14-year-old girl getting sexually assaulted.

If there's no official statement from CBS by noon tomorrow, consider the pass granted.

UPDATE: Looks like the New York Times is doing their part to provide a little cover for their buddy Dave. That joke was mysteriously excluded from this transcript of his monologue from Monday night, as posted at the Times' Laugh Lines blog.

You know who was in town this weekend, went to a Yankee game? Sarah Palin, governor of Alaska. And she was up there with Rudy Giuliani. They were sitting together. And their seats were, well, let me tell you where their seats were. They were way, way in far right field. They were so far right. Crazy.

Sarah Palin got there early and she was taken to her seat, shown to her seat, by Joe the Usher.

While she was at the Yankee game, Sarah Palin managed to spend $150,000 on hats and t-shirts.

But Sarah Palin — it was exciting, because everybody loves New York City and she spent the entire weekend here in New York City. And late yesterday afternoon, as a matter of fact, she actually pulled out her rifle, and she shot that thing on Donald Trump’s head. Tremendous weekend.

Big night for Angela Lansbury. She won a record fifth Tony Award. And she was named acting president of General Motors. Did you know that?

The newest nominee for the Supreme Court, Sonia Sotomayor, broke her ankle at LaGuardia Airport. Broke it in three places. And listen to this, at least two of those breaks have to be approved by the Senate.

She broke it right out there at LaGuardia Airport, stumbled on a thing and busted her leg, very painful. But fortunately, Rush Limbaugh’s maid was right there at the gate with a little. “Here, try a little…”

And then, Rush said he hopes her ankle doesn’t heal.

And, just in case that whole post gets flushed down the memory hole:

(click image to, well, you know the drill)

UPDATE II: Tom Kuntz from the New York Times e-mailed me to say:

We edit the monologs (sic) for taste, sometimes for brevity.

Be that as it may, by editing the content without notating such, the reader is left with the impression that the work is complete as posted.

UPDATE III: In defense of the New York Times, it's being reported that CBS scrubbed the joke from the transcript prior to releasing it.

No Additional Commentary Required

(click to enlargificate)

(shamelessly stolen from ItalianBostonian @ NES Forum)

I Saved Two Lives Yesterday!

Well, based on Obamalogic, anyway.

You see, I was driving through the Wal-Mart parking lot yesterday, and this elderly couple started walking in the crosswalk near the entrance of the store, right in front of my truck.

I slowed to a stop and let them cross to the other side.

By choosing not to run them down in cold blood, I "saved or created" two lives!

Using the infallible logic of The Federal Bureau of Hopenchange, I'd wager that law-abiding gun owners "save or create" millions of lives every day in this country. Come to think of it, I personally "saved or created" nine lives at the Wal-Mart deli counter as well.

Gotta Laugh

It takes a special kind of stupid to ridicule Sarah Palin by saying she can't even finish a sentence, while comparing her to President Teleprompter.

It's almost as if the Obamapostles are afraid of something.

Saturday, June 06, 2009

NH Revenue Enhancement Bill 383...

...is pushing up daisies.

Another victory, in a long string of victories, for individual liberty in the Granite State.

When Seconds Count...

...your house alarm company's "instant" response is minutes away.

One-Trick Pony Phoenix

The national unemployment rate is approaching double-digits.

The national debt is in the trillions and continues to grow.

The value of the dollar continues to drop.

Democrats in Congress are pushing "cap and trade" legislation that will cause the price of energy, manufacturing, and consumer goods to skyrocket, as well as a nationalized healthcare plan that will be paid for by billions in new tax hikes on small business owners and middle-class families.

And, the Boston Phoenix is doing what it does best.

In this sad excuse of an editorial, the Phoenix is dutifully picking up where Janeane Garofalo left off, flinging the race card like it's going out of style.

Because nothing says "Pay no attention to the crumbling U.S. economy behind the curtain!" quite like running yet another amateur-hour photoshop of Nazi-saluting Republicans and, for good measure, adding a new Secret Republican Code Word for "We hate black people!" to the Lexicon of Hopenchange.

Money quote:

Ronald Reagan proved just as slick, kicking off his 1980 campaign at an all-white Southern church and pledging himself to "state rights," which is rightspeak for keeping the black man in his place.

I couldn't make this stuff up if I wanted to.

I'll set aside, for now, the fact that Reagan kicked off his 1980 campaign for president with a speech on November 13, 1979 at the Hilton in that notoriously right-wing, all-white, Southern enclave of New York City.

Personally, I had no idea the tenth amendment was such an evil and divisive implement of hate. I guess we gotta repeal it. Any other racist amendments I'm not aware of?

I guess all those states enacting restrictive gun laws on their own accord are racist. I mean, it's no secret that gun control was first brought about in this country as a means of keeping the black man (freed slaves) in his place. In the name of racial equality, I call on all Americans to work together to repeal thse bigoted laws and ordinances.

And, while we're at it, we better repeal all those gay marriage laws in those racist states like Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Maine, etc. We can't have any of these states exercising their racist states' rights and making their own laws like that.

Being a liberal means never having to say you're consistent.

Money Quote (runner-up):

Like the New Left, the New Right advocates "power to the people" —its "people" being largely white, male, and Christian.

Not unlike the Massachusetts congressional delegation.

I will say this about the Boston Phoenix. Their readers are certainly getting their money's worth.*

*For my readers unfamiliar with this fine publication, the Boston Phoenix is available free of charge across the New England area and generates a good chunk of its revenue from its adult services advertising section.

Not that there's anything wrong with adult services, mind you.

UPDATE: File this one under "Pots and Kettles".

(click to enlarge)

Friday, June 05, 2009

Sticking to the Playbook

I love the smell of empty rhetoric in the morning.

Smells like...Hopenchange!

Governor Deval Patrick is tapping the architect of Barack Obama's presidential campaign to help run his bid for reelection next year, an indication of the type of political star power the governor may be able to utilize as he seeks another four-year term.


"What I'm excited about is bringing about change," Plouffe said by phone yesterday.

The sad, yet entirely predictable part, is that the sub-moronic mass of humanity collectively known as the Massachusetts electorate will lap that shit up.


And again.

And again.

And again.

Thursday, June 04, 2009

It Takes a Special Kind of Stupid...

...to try to rob an establishment called Smoke 'N Gun.

Waukegan police said a clerk at a guns-and-ammunition store appears to have shot a man who was trying to rob the establishment this afternoon.

Go to fail.

Go directly to fail.

Do not pass "go".

Do not collect $200.

Who's Up For Another Quick Round Of...

...What if a Republican had done this?


1st Session

H. J. RES. 5

Proposing an amendment to the Constitution of the United States to repeal the twenty-second article of amendment, thereby removing the limitation on the number of terms an individual may serve as President.


Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Smells Fishier Than a Gloucester Trawler

Let's play "Guess What Really Happened".

Portsmouth Herald: Man accidentally shoots himself while cleaning gun

NEWFIELDS — A man who accidentally shot himself in the leg was transported to the hospital last Thursday night, according to police.

Officer Nathan Liebenow told the News-Letter that the unidentified man suffered a gunshot wound to the leg while attempting to clean a .45 caliber handgun on May 28.

He was transported to Exeter Hospital with non-life-threatening injuries, according to Liebenow.

No one else was hurt in the incident.

I'm guessing someone just watched Taxi Driver, and was trying out a few moves of his own in front of a mirror.

Either that, or he experienced a sudden onset of amnesic Glockosis.

Reason #244,074...

...to vote the Democrats in Concord back to minority status.

Portsmouth Herald: N.H. Senate set to consider slew of new taxes, fees to balance budget

CONCORD — When Gov. John Lynch outlined his budget proposals for 2010-11 in February, he said New Hampshire, like the country, was facing an "unprecedented fiscal challenge" and he was open to the legislative changes that would come in the process.

Hey, here's an idea.


To find funds to plug an estimated $500 million to $600 million revenue shortfall in the 2010-11 biennium budget that lawmakers will finalize this month has led to an expansion of fee-based programs and initiation of new ones, including the following:


- Increasing permit fee for out-of-staters to carry a concealed weapon from $20 to $100 to raise $1.7 million.

But, Monsieur, it's just a wafer-thin 400% increase.

What's worse, is that if out-of-state gun owners start open carrying, as is 100% legal in New Hampshire, to avoid the $100 fee, these parasites masquerading as representatives of the people will begin the process of closing the "open carry loophole".

That's not just me blowing off steam, looking for another reason to bash the Concord chapter of the Obamanomics Fan Club, that's a guarantee.

Monday, June 01, 2009

Quote of the Day

This one's a classic.

[City officials] also said Hamilton wasn’t arrested for mowing the grass: He was arrested for not complying with a police order to stop mowing the grass.

Nice precedent.

"Gee, Mr. Mayor, those protesters sure are making us look bad."

"Well, go arrest them, Sergeant!"

"But, they're not breaking any laws."

"Well then, tell them to stop what they're doing, and if they don't stop, then arrest them for failing to comply with your order."

Earlier: Sandusky Man Arrested for Mowing Grass



23. The fastest and most foolproof way to improve your shooting is to ask your buddy at the range to turn off his video camera.

(link via Say Uncle)