Tuesday, January 31, 2006

24 - The Morning After

Episode 6: 12:00 PM to 1:00 PM

Bruce's Five-Point Review

1. "Yeah, Audrey, I'd love to talk about our feelings right now, but I'm kinda on a top secret mission here to infiltrate the President's inner circle and expose a terrorist sympathizer therein. Can this wait, Sweety?"

Christ, can't she just shut her piehole for one damn day!

2. "CTU, this is Curtis. The tactical strike team is in place to raid the storage container believed to be housing the ultra-deadly, weaponized nerve gas."

"OK, men, put on your Home Depot dust masks. We're going in!"

3. It's official. Jack's gone soft. ZERO kills this hour? You gotta be shitting me!

I saw more gratuitous violence from 8:00 to 9:00 on "Dancing With the Stars". And, what's up with him pulling up short when he had the frickin' green light to go jack-o-lantern on Walt's smug little face there? Jesus, Jack, you didn't even break the skin, for crying out loud!

4. Dear Diary: Whadda you know? Bitches talk. - Jack

5. Well, Logan won't be gettin' any for a good long while now. Looks like he'll have to be his own "chief of staff".

More "24" goodness from SarahK and Misha.

Coretta Scott King (1927-2006)

From the AP:

ATLANTA --Coretta Scott King, who turned a life shattered by her husband's assassination into one devoted to enshrining his legacy of human rights and equality, has died, former mayor Andrew Young told NBC Tuesday morning. She was 78.

Young, who was a former civil rights activist and was close to the King family, broke the news during a phone call he made to the "Today" show.

Asked how he found out about her death, Young said: "I understand she was asleep last night and her daughter tried to wake her up."

I don't know too many details about her life and legacy, and I'm sure I will learn more as the stories of her life take center-stage today. But, she always appeared to me to be a strong woman who carried herself at all times with the utmost grace and dignity.

This world could use more people like her.

And speaking of grace and dignity (or severe lack thereof)...

I hope I'm wrong here, but after Senator Kennedy's little temper tantrum on the floor of the senate yesterday (video here), I would not be surprised in the least to see his office issue a statement exploiting the passing of Mrs. King in a shameless, last-ditch attempt to torpedo the Alito confirmation by again labeling Samuel Alito as a hate-filled racist (who apparently enjoys kidnapping women at gunpoint from their workplace and forcing them to harpoon disabled people in fenced-in game reserves, while smoking cigars rolled in the leaves of exotic, endangered tree species dipped in illegal alien blood).

Monday, January 30, 2006

Like Needles In a Haystack

That's what it's like reading the news accounts about the ongoing violence in the streets of Boston, and trying to find some evidence of common-sense emanating therefrom.

In this Boston Globe article...

Shootings leave 1 dead, 4 wounded

A shooting outside a Mattapan community center early yesterday left one man dead and two seriously injured, while a man in the South End was critically wounded as gun violence continued to grip city neighborhoods.

The shootings, along with at least two others yesterday, deepened fears that violent street crime continues to escalate despite a concerted effort in recent weeks by law enforcement and community leaders to curb the homicide rate and find those responsible for the shootings.

...we have to read all the way through to the very last paragraph before we get to this breath of fresh air from Herschel Walker, a minister at the Blue Hill Church of Christ in Mattapan.

"It's a family thing, not a government thing," he said.

What? You mean the solution doesn't lie in having the government dictate to us how to lead our lives. But, Mumbles insists it's just a matter of getting the rest of the world on board with his anti-gun rights agenda, and this problem will simply disappear.

You know, just like having crack made illegal in our neighboring states has solved the crack problem in Boston. Oh, wait...

Now, in this Boston Herald story...

1 shot dead, 2 critically hurt at community center

A hail of gunfire erupted early Sunday outside a popular community center in Mattapan, killing one man and leaving two others barely clinging to life.

...we only have to read five paragraphs in for this comment by a concerned resident who "gets it".

"It's terrible and it won'’t get any better because those kids over there, they don'’t respect anything," said one resident who declined to give his name.

Well, sure, not now maybe? But, that's just because we don't yet have a "One Gun a Month" law here in Massachusetts. Now, that "common-sense gun safety law" (along with the oft-proposed handgun liability insurance charade) will really get some respect from the city's criminal element!

Menino, as usual, is in front of the cameras and microphones today blaming the guns and not the piece of shit, sub-human thugs pulling the trigger. Sound familiar?

News flash - You could drop a crate full of handguns, rifles, and shotguns on every street corner in a town with a low criminal population and guess what the result would be?


If scientists can teach a chimpanzee to crap in a diaper, you'd think there might a faint sliver of hope that Menino could learn about, and address, some of the real problems facing the people of Boston today. But, that thought would soon fade.

Ob-la-di, ob-la-da, life goes on.

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Not Much To Add Here

Except for, pass the fucking popcorn.

According to a press release issued Friday, Cindy Sheehan has decided to run against California Senator Diane Feinstein if Feinstein does not filibuster the Supreme Court nomination of Judge Samuel Alito.

And the Number One Reason...

...why they're not called watermobiles.

A Massachusetts man died after trying to cross open water while snowmobiling on Lake Winnipesaukee in New Hampshire on Sunday, authorities said.

Like death, taxes, and the illiterate BU students jamming their U-Hauls into the Storrow Drive tunnels.

UPDATE: What's wrong with this headline?

From thebostonchannel.com (WCVB in Boston):

Mass. Man Dead In Snowmobile Accident

Friday, January 27, 2006

Gettin' Off Easy

From the Boston Globe:

LAWRENCE, Mass. -- A Lawrence man was sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole after being found guilty by a jury Thursday of first-degree murder.


He was also found guilty of illegal possession of a firearm, for which he received a one-year sentence to be served concurrently.

Concurrently? What's the bloody point to that?

If I were the judge in this case, I'd see to it that he didn't start serving his one-year sentence until after he was officially pronounced dead in his cell, and the original, signed death certificate hand-delivered to my chamber*.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, we can't release your father's body for burial yet. He's got, let's see, 362 days now left to serve on the gun charge."

*After, of course, his lawyers' successful appeal of my original sentencing of "dismemberment by wild boar".

New Baby On The Way

OK, how many of you read that title and automatically assumed I was talking about getting a new gun?

(counts raised hands)

Wow, that many?

Jesus, what's wrong with you people?

Well...nothing, actually.

I sold my snowboard last night, adding $150 to the gun fund. This means I'll soon be paying a visit to one of Derek's readers to check out this fine-looking Marlin 60 that he's offered to sell to me for a song - well 85 songs, to be more precise.

[click for bigger pic]

And, the best part? With the face-to-face transfer, that would be $4.25 in sales tax (coincidentally, about the price of a pint of Guinness) that State Senator Barrios will never get his gun-grabbing hands on.

Quel dommage.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Father of the Year Nominee (or not - see update)

***** POST UPDATED (1/27/06) SCROLL DOWN *****

I gotta agree with Lee on this one. There isn't a jury in America (outside of Massachusetts, anyway) that would put this guy away.

TAMPA, Fla. (Jan. 25) - A father marched into a classroom and punched a teacher's assistant in the face after his teenage daughter accused the man of inappropriately touching her.

"I'm not real proud of what I did," Dave F. Swafford, 42, told The Associated Press on Wednesday. "You have to protect your children, and my daughter does not lie to me."

Assuming his daughter was being truthful, this guy deserves a fucking medal of commendation.

A Tampa radio station named him "Father of the Year," offering Swafford and his family Daytona 500 race tickets.

Or NASCAR tickets...close enough.

What's kinda creeping me out about this story, though, is that if I grew my beard out and put on a few pounds, I'd be a dead ringer for this guy.

UPDATE: She lied.

Manatee County School Officials say the girl made the whole story up, and her girlfriends helped her.

They say she was in detention because she poured coke from a second story window on another student.

The person who saw her do it was the teacher's aide that was punched. That's why she was sent to detention.

She made up the story to get back at him. She asked her girl friends to back her story.

In the process of the investigation, one of the girls cracked, and admitted it was a fabrication.

The girls face possible expulsion from school.

At the time the teacher's aide was accused of improperly touching the student, he was on videotape that showed him on the other side of the school.

As I said in the comments:

I think Daddy's little angel just cost him his house, boat, car, life savings, rare Skynyrd vinyl collection...

(link via reader DJ)


Seems (some of) the Italians have grown a pair.

Italy approves self-defence law

The Italian parliament has passed legislation allowing people to shoot robbers in self-defence.

The law permits the use of guns and knives by people in homes or workplaces to protect lives or belongings.

Defending one's life is a good thing, right?

Depends on whom you ask.

Justice Minister Roberto Castelli backed the new law.

"Today criminals will have more to fear while there will be fewer problems for honest people," said Mr Castelli, who belongs to the Northern League.

Alert the authorities! There's obviously a breach along the Mediterranean coastal perimeter somwhere. How else could someone with such a dangerous cowboy mentality as his set foot on the Europeeing mainland?

However, the centre-left opposition expressed concern that it would encourage violence and lead to increased use of firearms.

You know what? They're absoluetly right!

It would "encourage violence"...against hostile, predatory criminals.

It would "lead to increased use of firearms"...in defending innocent lives.

Sadly, the Euro-lefty-weenie "it takes a village idiot" coalition sees those as bad things.

"This is a... measure that delegates the use of force to citizens with the sole certain result of increasing the risks for murderers and rapists' people's safety," said Paolo Cento of the Greens party.

Any statistical or anecdotal evidence to back up that fallacious claim?

Any at all?


Fine. Then shut the fuck up, already. Go finish jerking off to "Bowling For Columbine" and don't come back until you've developed a fully-functional, adult brain stem.

A criminal lawyers' group also criticized the law, saying it amounted to allowing "legitimate offence".

How exactly? By creating a hostile work environment for your clients? Well, shit, man...I'm all broken up over that. Christ, I can get a more rational argument out of a vat of fermented diaper squeezings than I can out of these globo-socialist fucknuggets.

(thanks to the kilted one for the link)

I Can Live With That

I'm a Lamborghini Murcielago!

You're not subtle, but you don't want to be. Fast, loud, and dramatic, you want people to notice you, and then get out of the way. In a world full of sheep, you're a raging bull.

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

The Reilly-Barrios Doctrine

Stop me if you've heard this one before. It appears the systematic disarming of some of the most vulnerable members of society here in Massachusetts (AKA: the Reilly-Barrios Doctrine) is continuing to pay great dividends.

Back in December, we had this story out of Oxford, Massachusetts (blogged here):

In Oxford, Police are still looking for two men who broke into an elderly [93-years-old -ed.] woman's home, tied her up, threatened her and ransacked the home.

Investigators say two men forced their way through a window at the Main Street home early Wednesday morning.

Once inside, they put the woman in a kitchen chair and tied her up with rope. After the thieves threatened to hit the woman with a flashlight, she lead them to a paper bag that contained $55.

And just a few days ago, in Woburn Massachusetts (blogged here)

An 85-year-old Woburn woman was tied up and robbed at knifepoint in her home early this morning, according to broadcast reports.

WBZ Radio reported that the invaders, believed to be two white males, cut the phone lines to the house and tied the woman up, then ransacked her home.

And today in Weymouth, Massachusetts:

An 86-year-old woman was the victim of a home invasion this afternoon in Weymouth, according to police.

The incident happened at 2:40 p.m. at a home on Central Street, where police say the woman was sitting in her living room when she heard a large bang in her kitchen.

Police say the victim walked into her kitchen to check on what she heard and saw the back of a man facing her.

After asking the suspect what he was doing and reaching for her cell phone, police said, the man knocked the woman over as she attempted to get to the phone and dragged her into her bedroom.

Gee, it's almost as if the piece-of-shit dirtbags who are out there preying on the elderly know full well there's no chance in hell their victims will have the means to defend themselves from their violent assaults. Imagine that.

Now, explain to the people whose votes you'll be seeking this fall, Attorney General Reilly, how you can't stand the idea of old or disabled people being able to safely operate a firearm in the Commonwealth.

Notice too, asshole, that there was no mention of any guns being used by the assailants in the above-mentioned stories. I guess, you feel that as long as no one had a gun, than it had to have been a fair fight, and "social fairness" is what you're all about, right?

Here's an idea - what say you and Senator Jarrett Barrios get together for some Jasmine tea and finger sandwiches over at the State House and draft up some legislation outlawing assault and battery on old ladies.

What? You mean to tell me there are already laws in place to deal with such behavior? I'm stunned. Why aren't these nice young men playing nice-nice??? It's as if they have no respect for anything or anybody. Who knew? Yet, you self-righteous fuckheads continue to believe that all we need are a few more gun control laws and some night basketball programs and everything will be just peach blossoms and gumdrops come morning time.

Hey, everybody, let's hold hands and form a "task force"!

You clueless hack jackoffs.

[Ow! Stop it! You're killin' me here! - D.H.]

I guess the worn-out rallying cry, "If it saves just one life, it will be worth it", has now become, "If it costs us only a handful of old folks being terrorized in their own homes by violent punks, dammit, it will still be worth it!"

How progressive.

Now, compare and contrast the stories above to that of 83-year-old Harry Carpenter, who had the good fortune of living with his wife in Georgia, where apparently, they don't have "effective gun laws".

Despite being 83 years old and reliant on oxygen tubes for a lung ailment, Harry Carpenter wouldn't let his wife of 57 years be robbed by knife-wielding intruders in his own home.


When one of the intruders came back, he found Carpenter aiming the rifle at him and yelled at his companion to flee. Police were unable to locate the two suspects, who didn't get any money.

Of course, Ted Kennedy would rather see him take the moral high ground (as defined by the capatin of the Chappaquiddick water polo team) and allow his wife to beaten stabbed and robbed at the hands of knife-wielding thugs while he watched from his favorite recliner. Anything's better than using a gun to save the life of a loved one. Especially if that gun use would jeopardize the health of a probable Democrat voter.

Does Menino Know About This?

Soup Causes Crime!

Well, not yet, anyway.

But it could.

Charity groups with far-right links serving pork soup to homeless people face a crackdown by French officials.

Protesters have accused the groups of deliberate discrimination against Jews and Muslims, who do not eat the meat.


Identity Soup, as it has been dubbed by its chefs, was banned in Strasbourg this month after officials ruled it could lead to public disorder.

When soup is outlawed...

Another "Accidental" Shooting

Here's the initial story from yesterday's news about the eight-year-old boy in Maryland who shot a little girl at the day care center he was attending.

Child Shot At Day Care Center

Police in a Washington, D.C. suburb say a seven-year-old girl was shot at a day care center when a gun that was brought in by another child accidentally went off.

Police say an eight-year-old boy, who also attends the For Kids We Care day care center in Germantown, Md., had the gun in a backpack.

"He began to play with it inside the backpack when it accidentally discharged, with the bullet going through the backpack and into the arm of a seven-year-old female," Montgomery County Police spokesman Derek Baliles told CBS Radio News.

Accidental? Or is this another case of gross negligence on the part of the gun owner? If so, then surely, a few more "common-sense" gun control laws sprinkled here and there would have prevented this tragedy, right?

Not exactly. No fucking chance.

Father charged after boy shoots girl at day care center

Police: Father has extensive criminal record

Who's as stunned (peeing on the third rail kinda stunned) as I am?

GERMANTOWN, Maryland (AP) -- A 7-year-old girl was shot in the arm at a day care center Tuesday after an 8-year-old classmate brought in one of his father's guns and shot her with it it accidentally went off, authorities said.


Police charged the 56-year-old father with leaving a firearm in a location accessible by an unsupervised minor, contributing to the delinquency of a minor, and possession of a firearm by a felon.

Press release from the Brady Bunch blaming the gun, absolving the career criminal, piece-of-shit father of all wrongdoing, and calling for the imposition of additional restrictions on law-abiding gun owners, to be made public in 10...9...8...

The father has an extensive criminal record dating to the 1960s, according to court documents. It includes several convictions of assault with intent to maim and gun charges. He could be sentenced to five years in prison if convicted of being a felon in possession of a handgun and three years on the delinquency of a minor charge, authorities said.

The documents said there were "numerous" other weapons in the father's apartment that his son had access to. The man was in custody and could not immediately be reached for comment.

Remember, start with the coarser grit sandpaper (and pass the vinegar). Then work your way down to 220 grit or finer for final finishing by hand.

UPDATE: Countertop has more.

The Entwistle Case

By now, everyone's heard the story of the woman and infant from Hopkinton who were recently found shot to death in their home. As more details come to light, it's looking more and more like it was the woman's husband (and father of the beautiful little girl) who pulled the trigger. Of course, the DA's office is only calling him a "person of interest" as of this morning. And, then there's always that pesky little "innocent until proved guilty" notion to contend with.

Well, today we learn that the husband left the country on the night his wife and daughter were killed. Nope, nothing suspicious there.

The man at the center of a murder mystery in Hopkinton has contacted police from overseas. Neil Entwistle, a 27-year-old British citizen, is considered a "person of interest" in the murders of his wife and 9-month-old daughter. Both were found shot in their home Sunday.

Now, if I were out of town and someone called me to tell me my wife and kids were just gunned down at home, I'd be on the first flight home. If he's innocent, it does seem more than a little odd to me that he's holding up in England somewhere, and not returning home at the first opportunity to "say goodbye" to his wife and baby girl.

"Fishy" would be an understatement.

Of course, one would think that with all these "most effective" gun laws we have, one would merely have to check to see if the husband had been issued a Massachusetts Firearms Identification Card or License to Carry. No FID, no LTC, no gun, right? If our "gun laws work", as is the claim of the dingleberries running Handgun Control, Inc., then it should be a fairly easy way to clear him of any wrongdoing here.

The preceding message was brought to you today by the Massachusetts Department of Bitter Sarcasm.

But there's more.

According to the MetroWest Daily News, Neil Entwistle ran at least a pair of Web sites that appeared to be get-rich-quick pyramid schemes. The sites are now inaccessible.

The paper said the Entwistles also had been the target of numerous complaints on eBay for non-delivery of services.

We have not heard the end of this, by any means.

I will hold off on any official call for a slow, painful death for Mr. Entwistle, pending additional evidence. But, do keep the belt sanders on stand-by.

Granite State Darwinism

Not much to add here. Stop me if you've heard this one before.

Police say man thought gun wasn't loaded

DERRY, N.H. --Police say a man who fatally shot himself in the head with a .45-caliber handgun did not think the gun was loaded.

Scratch the last four words there for a more accurate assessment of the life and times of the above-mentioned former MENSA chapter president.

David Mazzaglia Jr. was handling the gun with friends at an apartment when he accidentally shot himself Sunday night.

Yeah, right. He accidentally started playing with a loaded, accidentally pointed said gun at his head, without a clue in the world as to whether there was a round in the chamber or not, and accidentally pulled the trigger.

Police Capt. Vernon Thomas said the semiautomatic gun belonged to a friend whom Thomas declined to identify. He said the men were handling guns, but "nothing devious" was going on.

Devious? Perhaps not. Ass-flamingly retarded? Yup.

"It appears firearms were a hobby," he said.

Maybe, but I don't think that has any bearing here. Someone this stupid would have been just as likely to off himself with a friggin' Beanie Baby collection.

Oh, he'd have found a way.

On Monday, a relative who declined to have his name published told the New Hampshire Union Leader that Mazzaglia knew guns well.





He said the family was still trying to understand how the accident could have happened.

And, I'm still trying to understand how the media can continue to portray these acts of unbridled idiocy as "accidents".

The friends called for help shortly before 9 p.m., but police said Mazzaglia was already dead. The investigation is continuing.

Let me help.

A) He was an idiot who had no fucking business even looking at a loaded gun, never mind jerking around with one.


B) He knew what he was doing and decided the time was right to kill himself, intentionally.

Flip a coin. Case closed.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Snowboard, Anyone?

I put my snowboard up for sale on craigslist.com tonight, if anyone's in the market for one. Gotta build up the gun fund.

Nitro Formula snowboard (158 cm) in very good condition. I haven't been riding since entering parenthood 3-1/2 years ago. This board has been in its bag in my basement and needs a better home - one in which where it will be ridden more often.

The boots are Airwalk Freeride (men's size 9), bindings are Burton Freestyle.

Also included (not pictured), is a red and black carrying bag by Pickle Brand.

$150 for the lot (less than a season's worth of rentals) - $130 without the boots - no charge for the sticker.

My Kingdom For An Answer

Last week, I put forth this one quesiton to be asked of Boston Mayor Thomas Menino:

"Mr. Mayor, as you know, the City of Boston over the last year has seen a marked increase in the rate of homicides and armed robberies - violent crimes committed by violent individuals against the good people of Boston. My question for you is a simple YES or NO question. Do the hard-working, law-abiding citizens of Boston have the right to defend themselves from violent criminals?

Clayton Cramer asks the same question in this article from Shotgun News (emphasis mine).

Defending Self-Defense

Do you have a right to defend yourself? If you think that is a silly question, keep reading--because there is an increasingly willingness among those who run our society to deny that there is any such right.

An excellent question, indeed, to which he offers the following commentary.

A fair number of gun control advocates with whom I have corresponded over the years deny that there is a right to self-defense. It is not simply that they object to the use of a gun in self-defense; they object to all killing, regardless of the circumstances. I remember one conversation I had some years ago with a journalist at a San Francisco Bay Area newspaper who explained that it didn't matter if making concealed weapon permits more available reduced robbery rates, because it would mean that robbers would be killed by their victims--and that was just as bad as robbers killing their victims. I was so overwhelmed by how crazy this sounded that I was temporarily at a loss for words. (This doesn't happen very often.)

I've had several similar conversations over the years with other gun control activists who similarly argue that there is no moral justification for deadly force--ever. They see aggressor and victim as identical--equally having a right to life. The rapist has a right to live, and this takes precedence over the right of his victim to not be raped; the robber has a right to live, and this takes precedence over the right of his victim to not be threatened with death. I don't want to live in such a society, and if we could get these "no right to self-defense" sorts to more openly express these ideas, it would discredit the gun control movement quite effectively--which is perhaps why gun control advocates almost never express these sentiments in public forums.

Not every gun control advocate thinks that self-defense is a bad thing. I would guess that most Americans who support restrictive gun control are not this crazy; they have been persuaded that restrictive gun control laws will somehow reduce violence, but they do not fundamentally disapprove of self-defense--even when that involves the use of deadly force. Still, the large number of gun control advocates who have expressed to me this disapproval of self-defense makes me suspect that much of the fanaticism that drives the gun control movement stems from this bizarre moral equivalence of victim and victimizer.



Hit This

For those of you keeping score at home, the Site Meter hit counter for my humble blog here just registered my 200,000th site visit.

Now you know.

24 -The Morning After

Episode 5: 11:00 AM to 12:00 PM

Bruce's Five-Point Review:

1. First off, Jack's kill-count is nowhere near where it should be this far into the season. Only one kill this week? Come on! Granted, it was a scissors-to-the-neck shot, so he gets a few artistic bonus points for that, but it's still only one dead bad guy.

2. I don't care if Chloe's boy-toy was set up by someone in the White house, Jack should still wipe the floor with his ass. When that punk lawyered up, the proper CTU response should have been:

You want a lawyer, you little piece of shit? Fine! Meet our public defender, Jack Bauer, author of "Confessions in 120 Volts Or Less". Councilor, he's all yours. We'll be right outside if you need anything.

3. Edgar, Edgar, Edgar, how can I put this to you gently? You're never going to get into Chloe's pants. I'm surprised you can even get into your own pants without some form of mechanical assistance, you dopey-looking fat fuck.

4. That emotional (boredom is an emotion, right?) Jack/Audrey reunion scene was infinitely longer than it needed to be. I was looking forward to a "Hey, Aud, wassup?" as he passed her by in the corridor. Or better yet , "Hey, Blondie, could you get Mr. Buchanan and me some coffee? (pats Audrey on ass as she heads toward the kitchen) Thanks, babe."

5. They suck at screening bags.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Burning Down the House Porn Shop

For a minute there, I thought the Boston Herald's Laurel Sweet was writing from personal experience.

For the second time in less than a week, an Amazing porn shop north of Boston has burned to ashes, too hot for even firefighters to handle.

Had to give that one a second read.

And, check out the priceless disclaimer answer given by Peabody Deputy Fire Chief James Coughlin when asked if fire crews were able to recover any of the porn shop's merchandise.

"I was never a customer, so I don’t know what would have been worth salvaging. But, there was nothing left. Everything was incinerated."

I wonder what kind of answer they were expecting to get out of him.

"Yeah, it was a pretty bad fire, and most of the store was engulfed by the time my men arrived on the scene. It seems the imported Venezuelan Beaver Lube they kept in the box under the table next to the Linda Lovelace poster in little back room off to the left there was really feeding the flames. But, my guys were able to save a couple boxes of King Kong Double Dongs from behind the counter and some back issues of Midget Felchers magazine I had on layaway."

Arrogant Little Snot-Nosed Kids - UPDATE

A quick update to my post from last week about the sweet little cherubs we have frolicking about in our neighborhood. If you'll recall, their latest display of thick-headedness and disrespect involved turning my new lawn into their personal footpath to get to the next street over without having to walk a hundred yards or so on the (gasp!) sidewalks.

As last I reported, over the course of a few hours last Friday, we had removed two chairs they had placed in our yard to help them climb over our fence. Now, you would think that upon seeing their chairs repeatedly removed from our yard, they'd pick up on the hint that their presence was not all that welcome there.

Well, at least that's what you'd think if we were dealing with semi-intelligent lifeforms. I got up Saturday morning to take the kids to the local coffeeshop for bagels, and what do I see in the backyard?

It seems they ran out of objects in the neighbor's yard to throw over the fence (I guess they only had one bench), so it became open season on our stuff. That's my wife's flowerpot that was next to our house in the driveway - emphasis on "was". But, wait, it gets better.


Saturday afternoon, I was in the backyard helping the girls fill up the grapefruit birdfeeders we had just made.

[we interrupt this regularly-scheduled post to bring you these terribly cute pictures of my beautiful daughters]

Well, we hadn't been out there for five minutes when we heard some voices coming from the side of the house. Sure enough, I turn my head and there's a couple of Pumpkin Boy's "girlfriends" taking a casual stroll into our backyard, heading toward "their" new flowerpot stepladder.

They stopped as soon as they see me and went into this pathetic charade of being confused as to whose yard they were walking through. Well, I read them the riot act and told them in no uncertain terms that the days of beating a footpath into my new lawn are over, and that they should pass that news onto their cerebrally-bereft little boyfriends.

Punji sticks and tiger pits are next up on the menu.

For the Suggestion Box

From the "Guns Cause Crime" file, comes this story out of Woburn, Massachusetts. I call upon our legislature to get to work and draft some common-sense anti-crime bills to prevent future tragedies like this one from befalling the most vulnerable of the Commonwealth's residents.

I have some handy suggestions listed below.

Elderly Woburn woman's home invaded

WOBURN --An 85-year-old Woburn woman...

Ban old people!

...was tied up...

Ban rope!

...and robbed at knifepoint...

Ban sharp, pointy objects!

...in her home...

Ban private residences!

...early this morning, according to broadcast reports.

WBZ Radio reported that the invaders, believed to be two white males...

Ban white males!

...cut the phone lines to the house and tied the woman up, then ransacked her home.

Ban wire cutters!

Think about it, if just ONE of these "common sense" safety measures had been in place, this horrific incident could have been prevented.

Won't somebody pleeeease think about the children?

Slippery When Wet

Nothing terribly exciting here - just the uncontrollable urge to use that post title.

An airliner carrying members of Bon Jovi skidded off a runway early Saturday after landing in severe weather.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

2006 Gun Blogger Awards

Q: What do you get when you combine freedom of speech, the right to bear arms, and the freedom of personal choice?

A: The 2006 Gun Blog Awards (aka: The Gunnies)

Countertop has the scoop:

As originally proposed back on January 7th, I have decided to organize The Gunnies, a web poll to determine the blogsphere's favorite gun bloggers as of the beginning of 2006. Jeff Soyer was the first (or at least the first I stumbled across) to notice that The Bloggies had once again decided to snub one of the largest and most diversified segments of the blogsphere - the Gun Bloggers.

While, I normally don't get too wrapped up in these on-line popularity contests, this one's slightly different. Translation: I was nominted for the category of "Best Rants", so get your ass over there and vote for me...or the puppy dies!

Thanks much. And thanks for nominating me, your humble narrator, for this prestigious honor (Nobel, schmobel!). It's nice to know I'm not writing all this crap for nuthin'.

Disclaimer: No actual puppies were harmed (yet) in the writing of this post.

UPDATE: For the record, I still think these polls are kinda silly. But, if it gets more people to read my blog (and the others nominated) and gain some insight into the ongoing erosion of the rights of all Americans being facilitated by those at both ends of the political spectrum, then by all means, have at it. And thanks for your vote.

One Man's Common Sense...

...is another man's kiss my ass.

Meet Mike Hargreaves, a gun collector and firearms instructor from Toronto. He had some guns stolen out of his house while he was away on vacation, one of which ended up being used by some gangbanging scumbags in a triple-homicide.

Hargreaves admits to being "devastated by the news" that the gun had been involved in a homicide and almost as devastated by the fact there is now a warrant out for his arrest for unsafe storage of those weapons...

Gee, he of all people should have known better than to leave them unsecured, right?

...despite the fact they were stored in a 771-kilo [1,700 lbs! - ed.] concrete-and-steel safe and that it took the industrious thieves two days using blowtorches and sledge hammers to gain access to it.

Yeah, um....never mind.

This is what we're up against in our struggle to preserve our rights. This is the result of what the gun control movement refers to as "compromise".

"We don't want to ban guns - oh, far from it. We just want to enact some common sense gun safety measures. It's for the children."



Have you noticed that whenever these assholes, like Kennedy and Schumer, talk about "common-sense gun safety" and the need to reach some kind of "middle ground" with those of us on the good side of the fence, it's always the last compromised upon position that gets assigned our starting point, while theirs (the end to private possession of all firearms) remains unchanged.

I swear, sometimes it feels like we're taking snaps deep in our own endzone, and no one seems to notice, or worse, care.

(link via Jeff)

UPDATE: Post title credited to Say Uncle - forgot to stick that in there. Sorry.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Today's Mystery Guest

My Site Meter referral logs are showing a boatload of traffic today (well over an hour's worth and more than 100 page views) by someone at my third-favorite Massachusetts governmental entity.

Hello? Can I help you?

Concealed Carry Sporran

So, I've been looking at getting a kilt for fair-weather trips to the range this spring and summer. I found this site, Stillwater Kilts, that offers seemingly well-made kilts at bargain prices (full-blown, custom-tailored kilts ain't cheap).

Only $80 (+ $9 shipping) - can't beat that with a stick (see update).

I was planning on just going with a black leather holster (Galco Cop 3 Slot, maybe) on a black leather kilt belt to wear in conjunction with a basic black leather sporran.

That is, until I saw this today on their Accessories page.

Available this Spring!

Tactical kilt accessories! What's not to love? One this is certain - Stillwater Kilts will be getting my business in the very near future, if based on nothing other than their pro-2A marketing alone.

UPDATE: Based on a glowing endorsement from Shamalama at Commonfolk Using Common Sense, it looks like I'm going with the Standard Kilt - a little more dough, but as always, you get what you pay for.

Looking For a New Set of Wheels?

If we continue to allow people to sue Dora the Explorer for turning their kids into fat, lazy, do-nothing, layabouts, imagine the lawsuits we'll be seeing when a hard-working member of Gangbangers Local 14 gets shot full of holes while driving down Blue Hill Ave. in his new bulletproof Tacoma.

Here'’s one pickup line you may have not heard before.

A local advertising agency is pitching the Toyota Tacoma utility truck as "bulletproof" in spots airing on Boston radio, driving home the message in an announcer'’s macho voice that whether on the road or "“out in the middle of nowhere, bulletproof counts."”

An overstated metaphor for durability? Presumably. But to a city still grappling with last year's decade-high homicide rate and now an upswing in reported shootings, the Tacoma campaign is drawing fire.

If a 12-gauge slug or a 7.62mm round will bounce off of that truck, I think I've just found my next vehicle.

I'm stunned our benevolent legislators - who are always so concerned about revenue public "safety" - haven't proposed legislation requiring that all new vehicles sold in the Commonwealth be equipped with armor plating and bulletproof glass, and that all cars currently on the road in the Commonwealth be retrofitted accordingly.

I mean, they're all about public safety, right?

Who could be against protecting babies from gunfire?



As my less-than-honorable city councilor, Rob Consalvo, would say:

Consalvo acknowledged that the cost of [installing armor plating and bulletproof glass on all passenger vehicles in the Commonwealth] could be high, but that it would be worth it.

For the Truly Addicted - Web Sudoku

Billions of Free Sudoku Puzzles to Play Online

There...that'll make your Friday reeeeeeal productive.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Promises Shromises

So, back in 1985, the state legislature of Massachusetts passed a mandatory seat belt law - for the childrenTM. This law was repealed the very next year via a voter referendum (I guess there was once a time when voter referendums actually meant something. Who knew?).

But, not being known as an entity prone to caving in to the voices of the common people, our benevolent legislators stuck to their [non-firing, replica] guns [with mandatory trigger locks] and were again successful, in 1994, at passing a new seat belt law. This one survived a voter referendum challenge, largely because the legislature "promised" the suckers voters that it would be a secondary enforcement measure only, and that drivers would be not subject to being pulled over by the police just for failing to buckle up.

I'll give you one guess as to what happened today.


After two rare tie votes in the past five years, House lawmakers narrowly passed a bill Thursday that would allow law enforcement officers to pull over drivers solely because they are not wearing seat belts.

Yes, our new primary enforcement seat belt law is on its way to the senate where it's expected to be breezed on through to Governor Romney's office for signature.

What's that, you say? You're shocked that our elected officials would lie to us to advance their anti-liberty, nanny-state agenda?



...me too...


But don't worry, they "promise" it won't be a surchargeable moving violation.

More from Citizens for Limited Taxation here.

UPDATE: New post footer added.

Click to purchase this fine piece of mAss Backwards merchandise - all proceeds will go toward the purchase of firearms and/or ammunition. I promise.
(click to purchase)

Words Fail Me...Almost

I am honestly left speechless sometimes when I see how utterly fucking retarded some people can be.

Advocacy groups and parents are suing the Nickelodeon TV network and cereal maker Kellogg Co. in an effort to stop junk food marketing to kids.

The plaintiffs are citing a recent report documenting the influence of marketing on what children eat. Ads aimed at kids are mostly for high-calorie, low-nutrition food and drinks, according to the government-chartered Institute of Medicine.

Wakefield, Massachusetts, mother Sherri Carlson said she tries her best to get her three kids to eat healthy foods.

So, Sherri, your "best" includes suing the people who manufacture Pop-Tarts and produce shows like "Spongebob Squarepants", solely because you lack the ability to regulate what foods are brought into your home for consumption by your children?

"But then they turn on Nickelodeon and see all those enticing junk-food ads," Carlson said. "Adding insult to injury, we enter the grocery store and see our beloved Nick characters plastered on all those junky snacks and cereals."

How about acting like, say, a fucking parent for a change!

Carlson and another plaintiff, Andrew Leong of Brookline, Massachusetts, spoke at a news conference organized by the Center for Science in the Public Interest and the Boston-based Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood.

They intend to sue Kellogg and Nickelodeon parent Viacom Inc. in state court in Massachusetts and served the required 30 days' notice on Wednesday.

Yet, despite the noble efforts of these brilliant, compassionate individuals, people are still choosing to move out of this "progressive" Utopia we call Massachusetts.



Honestly, though, I have to wonder sometimes how I was able to reach adulthood without having had these overbearing pricks at the CSPI personally follow me around 24-7 to take care of me.

Take a good look at this meddling little cheese-monkey, for he and his sinister brethren at the CSPI are the embodiment of everything that is wrong with this country today.

Michael F. Jacobson, Ph[ucking].D[ickhead].
Executive Director of the
Center for Science in the Public Interest

"CSPI is proud about finding something wrong with practically everything."
"We could envision taxes on butter, potato chips, whole milk, cheeses, [and] meat."
"I'’m not on the fence ... about litigation [against restaurants]. I think it'’s an extremely important strategy."

More on this piece of shit organization here.

From Alabama to the Slammer

I first read about this story yesterday, but few details were available then. It involves a couple of women who thought they could make a few bucks buying some handguns in Alabama, and reselling them on the streets of Boston.

I mean, who could blame them for devising such a scheme? Our wise and wonderful mayor has been spouting off for months now about all these other states that have yet to adopt Massachusetts' "most effective gun laws in the nation".

You listen to Menino, or any one our gun-fearing legislators for even five minutes and you'd think that all you have to do to get your hands on a weapon in Alabama is walk in, hand over the cash, and walk out with a carload of RPG's, belt-fed machine guns, and hand grenades.

Fantasy aside, let's have a look at what some of us like to call REALITY.

Two women charged with transporting guns to Mass.

Two young women are under arrest, accused of buying handguns in Alabama so they could sell them in Boston for a quick profit.

Niya Mills, 23, of Roxbury and Sukia Omere, 20, of Boston were arrested Tuesday and found with six handguns and 50 rounds of ammunition in the car the women rented for their trip to Alabama, US Attorney Michael J. Sullivan said. The women had hoped to resell the handguns for up to $800 each, he said.

Any bets on how many hours to which these poor, oppressed minority women will be sentenced?

Older guns, which are cheaper and harder to trace, are becoming the weapon of choice on city streets, police said. Of the 755 guns recovered by Boston police in 2004, about 64 percent were at least seven years old, said Officer John Boyle, a spokesman.

NEWS FLASH - they've ALWAYS been the "weapon of choice" of the criminal population - whiny little hissy-fits from the likes of State Senator Jarrett Barrios about Uzi's and AK-47's notwithstanding.

"They can certainly still function properly despite the age," said Jim McNally, spokesman for the federal Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Explosives in Boston. "The bad guys read the papers, watch the news. They get to know what law enforcement is doing to fight [crime], and they know tracing firearms is a big part of what we do. The odds of tracing [older guns] are not as good."

Yeah, about as good as the odds of having the crackheads' and carjackers' names coming up as the last lawful owner for any of the "newer" guns getting traced.

Boston police are grappling with an increasing number of weapons coming from out of state.

From where I'm standing, it looks like they're grappling with an increasing number of criminals coming in from out of state, and of course, the inability to arrest, prosecute, and incarcerate them.

Although most illegal guns found in Boston in 2004 came from Massachusetts, police have...



That simply CANNOT BE!

Tell me haven't become a victim of Mumblepseak...again.

Mumblespeak Assembly Instructions

1. Blow smoke (A) up ass (B).
2. Repeat Step 1 as necessary.

Although most illegal guns found in Boston in 2004 came from Massachusetts, police have traced more firearms to other New England states, including Maine, New Hampshire, and Connecticut, and Southern states such as Alabama, Florida, and Maryland.

So, "illegal guns" are coming from pretty much everywhere, with most of them coming from Massachusetts, the land of the MEGLITN.


Mills got the idea to buy and resell the guns from a friend who bought four handguns in Alabama for $800, according to an affidavit filed by ATF Special Agent Thomas F. Crowley.

The friend, who was not identified, then sold the weapons, two Glocks and two .380-caliber pistols, for $800 each in Dorchester, Crowley said in the affidavit.

Gee, we should pass a bunch of law to make that activity illegal. Oh, wait...never mind.

OK, so let's see just how easy it is to buy guns out of state and bring them back into Massachusetts. Remember, according to Menino and his girlyman friends at Handgun Control, Inc., this is possible only because states like Alabama haven't passed common-sense gun laws that deny their law-abiding residents the right to effective self-defense.

Mills told police that she tried to buy the guns from a pawn shop but was turned away because she was not an Alabama resident and instead bought the weapons from unidentified people on the streets, the ATF affidavit stated.

Read that again.

Now, read it again.

Now explain to me how we can blame the state of Alabama for "flooding our streets with guns". These women heard all the rhetoric coming from the gun grabbers about how easy it is for anyone with a pulse to arm up in Alabama. But, what happened, instead? The gun laws in place there prevented them from legally purchasing the firearms, so they obtained them through illegal means.

Why it's almost as if people with criminal intent have no respect for the law. This is truly a shocking revelation.

Omere and Mills were charged with unlawful transport of firearms into the state and are expected to appear in US District Court tomorrow for a detention hearing.

Lock 'em up. Melt down the key.

Tough Times Demand Tough Talk

What's wrong [read: moronic] with this sentence?

Sen. Hillary Clinton called for United Nations sanctions against Iran as it resumes its nuclear program and faulted the Bush administration for "downplaying" the threat.

(emphasis mine)

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Also In the News - Pope STILL Catholic!

Study: Men Enjoy Seeing Bad People Suffer

You don't say...

UPDATE: Rumors to the contrary notwithstanding, Mad-Eye Moody is not a United States senator from California.

Quote of the (Yester)day

In honor of the 300th anniversary of the birth of Boston native (and quite the womanizer) Benjamin Franklin:

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Amen to that.

A Minute Alone With Mumbles

In the comments to this excellent fisking by Kevin Baker of this sad, little, and (surprisingly - not!) anonymously-published Washington Post editorial, Killing Made Easy, Joe Huffman, from The View From North Central Idaho, puts forth the notion of the "just one question" approach to the gun control debate.

In his post, Just one question, Joe writes:

A few years ago I came up with my "one question" response to bring the debate to a quick close but I tend to let myself get drawn into refuting their points rather than bring them to my playing field where they don't stand a chance of survival. I now want to present this "one question" in as much detail yet as succinctly as I can. Then I can just refer people to this post and be done with them.


My "one question" is this:

Can you demonstrate just one time, one place, throughout all of human history, where restricting the access of handheld weapons to the average person made them safer?

Just one question.

It's an interesting exercise, and one that I have obviously been contemplating as well. What would you ask of those in power regarding the current state of gun control [or, insert topic of choice here] if you were afforded the opportunity to not only ask one question (hell, anyone can ask, but who's listening), but to also have that question directly addressed in a public forum?

Why do I ask?

Check this.

Have a vision for Boston's future? Got a problem with how the city is being run? How about an idea how to make it work better? You can tell Mayor Thomas M. Menino all about it next month at one of four community forums he's plans to hold around the city.

At each forum, residents, community leaders, and city officials will share ideas about how to improve the city and about Boston's long-range plans, Menino's office said yesterday. The mayor will lead each discussion.

"I am in the neighborhoods every day and hear great ideas from residents, as well as their concerns," Menino said in a statement. "These forums will allow us to further explore new ideas as to how we can improve our city."

The forums will be held from 10 to 11 a.m. Feb. 4 at Roxbury Community College; from 8 to 10 a.m. Feb. 6 at Faulkner Hospital; from 6 to 8 p.m. Feb. 8 at Bunker Hill Community College; and from 10 a.m. to noon Feb. 11 at the University of Massachusetts at Boston.

Only 40 to 50 people can attend each forum.

Participants will be selected by lottery from a pool of people who register in advance. Residents can sign up online at www.cityofboston.gov/mayor/mayor_roundtable_form.asp or by calling 617-635-4500. The deadline is Jan. 27.

People who can't get into the forums can also submit written comments on the website or by writing to the mayor at Boston City Hall, One City Hall Plaza, Boston, MA 02201.

So, there you are. You've got the microphone in hand and your face-to-face with the mighty Mumbles himself. You've got time for one short question. What do you do?

Needless to say, I'm going to put my name in for one of the limited slots available. Should I get the chance to address the Mayor, here is my one question:

"Mr. Mayor, as you know, the City of Boston over the last year has seen a marked increase in the rate of homicides and armed robberies - violent crimes committed by violent individuals against the good people of Boston. My question for you is a simple YES or NO question. Do the hard-working, law-abiding citizens of Boston have the right to defend themselves from violent criminals? I don't want to take any time away from the other questioners here tonight, Mr. Mayor, so a simple yes or no answer will suffice. Thank you."

It's not like I need to explain to any of you, but...

A "yes" answer would be an outright lie.

A "no" answer, though it would garner him a few bonus points for honesty, would be in my view cause for his immediate removal from office. Not that that's very likely, though. Most folks around here are too dumb to realize their rights are secondary to the rights of politicians and predatory criminals.

Apologies for the redundant redundancy there.

So...what would your "one question" be?

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Little Punk-Ass Rozzie Snots

So, we've got a handful of kids in our neighborhood who like to run around, ride their bikes, scooters, and skateboards in the street, and scream and yell at each other for no apparent reason. In other words, they seem to enjoy doing all the things that most kids their age are expected to do.

With one major exception - these kids are a bunch of ignorant, rude, disrespectful, little punks.

Last year, a piece of downspout blew off the side of our house. I laid it down in the driveway next to the house, so that I could put it back up when the weather improved. You'll never guess what the little mother-fuckers across the street decided to use for a skateboard rail one day. The downspout was trashed, squished flat and all banged up. That afternoon, while it was still lying there in their yard, my wife asked them where they got it.

"Uhhhhh...I dunno."

This was followed by the usual talk about staying off of other people's property and not taking stuff that doesn't belong to you. Apparently these kids' parents (for lack of a better word) never bothered to pass that advice on down to their spawn. Then came the obligatory talk with the mother of one of the little shits, who offered the obligatory apology and the obligatory (yet hollow) offer to pay for the damaged piece of gutter.

Fast-forward a month or so...

While doing some yardwork, my wife calls me over to look at some of her plants against the back fence in the corner of our yard. They look a lot like plants that have been jumped on. And, curiously enough, the old metal and wire fence has been damaged at that spot. Yes, our little friends had decided that walking AROUND the block to get to one another's house is an unacceptable option, so they took it upon themselves to create a shortcut across my brand-new $3,000 lawn.

Seeing as all we had at that point was circumstantial evidence (yeah, right), we didn't take any actions other than patching up the fence and putting up a section of wire mesh to block off their access point.

That lasted all of a week maybe. Later on, as I was mowing the lawn, I see the middle section of the fence has been bent down and (believe it or not) looks an awful lot like what a fence would look like after having been climbed over by a bunch of little snot-bitch punks.

I wire that piece of fence back up and tie a trip wire around the tree and the top wire of the fence, I twist the wire just enough to hold it in place, so that any attempt to apply pressure to the fence will spring the wire and let me know someone's hopped over. I checked with Attorney General Reilly's office prior to doing this to see if Claymore mines were on the state's list of banned "dangerous weapons". Apparently, the use of such a device in this kind of situation is against the law in Massachusetts. Who knew?

Fast-forward a couple weeks...

My wife is on the second-floor back porch playing with our girls, when she hears our Neighborhood Brain Donors Association once again walking across the lawn alongside our house. They stop when they get to the fence and look up to see my wife looking down on them from above.

"Um...can we climb over your fence?"

I'd like to include her actual reply here, but she was so utterly dumbfounded by their lack of anything resembling brainwave activity, that she can't remember exactly what she told them, though it was something along the lines of, "Um...no."

Fast-forward a month or so...

Yes, there's more. I look out the living room window one day to see our little friends are using my front porch as a fucking skateboard launching ramp, going down my short concrete walk and over the curb in front of my house. So, I go downstairs, open the door and politely ask them, "What the hell are you doing on my porch?"

"We're just skateboarding."

I now realize I'm talking to some truly pathetic, brain damaged individuals, so I try to explain to them without using any big words that if anyone of them falls off my porch and crack his empty little head open, their parents will sue me and take away my house. This public service announcement was followed with a stern warning to stay the hell off of my property in the future, as well as a reminder that this was not the first (or second, or third) time they've been told this.

Apparently, the little Evel Knievels had also been using it as a motocross ramp, as the tire tracks on the stair risers would strongly indicate.

Fast forward to New Year's Day...

I'm returning home that afternoon from the New Year's Day Machinegun Shoot out at the Harvard Sportsmens Club. After unloading the car, I stop to chat with my neighbor who's out shoveling snow who tells me the kid across the street just walked across my yard (again). I ask him which one. He says, "That fat little bastard right there," pointing to the kid standing on his front porch across the street from my house. I call this one, the apparent leader of their little band of idiots, Pumpkin Boy.

Discretion gets the better part of me, however, and I decide not to confront Pumpkin Boy in the street while carrying a shotgun, a handgun, and a couple dozen rounds of ammunition. I go inside, secure my guns, and get back to some of the important things in life - playing hide-and-seek with my daughters and chain-drinking coffee.

Fast-forward to yesterday - 1:20 PM

Bear with me, we're almost at the "end" here.

My wife calls me at work yesterday to tell me that the little shits are at it again. This time they've actually put a CHAIR in my yard, next to the fence, so as to facilitate their climbing over it. I tell her to do nothing about it for now, other than to take the chair and put it in the trash. She says it's too cold to bother with it, and maybe if she goes out later, she'll deal with it then.

6:15 PM - I arrive home from work.

It's dark when I get home, but I decide to see if the chair is still out there. Sure enough, I walk around back, and there it is. I'm not sure (nor do I care) whose chair it was, but I drag it over to throw it on my trash barrels, and what do I see sitting on top of the trash there?



My wife had taken the chair away, and they immediately replaced it with another one. Like, we have some nerve taking their chairs away. How dare we?

Needless to say, that signified the end of diplomatic relations with these little asswipes. The next one of them I witness trepassing on my property, for any reason, will get their parents a complimentary visit from a Boston police cruiser. The last thing I want to do is burden the BPD with this matter. They've got enough manpower problems chasing down leads on all their unsolved homicides. But the last thing I'm going to do here is "take the law into my own hands".

We know where that would lead.

How do you spell "unsuitable"?

Oh, and please keep the "shoot, shovel, and shut up" comments to yourself on this one. That scenario might be OK for coyotes and the like, but in this case we're talking about creatures of significantly lesser intelligence, so let's show a little compassion, shall we?

24 - The Morning After

Episodes 3 and 4: 9:00 AM - 11:00 AM

Bruce's Five-Point Review:

1. HELLO!!! Did we really need to wait until the last second for the little hobbit guy to clue them all in on Jack's blatantly obvious use of the phrase "Flank Two Position" as a duress code? I called that one before it even happened, it was so obvious. Curtis, what are you, retarded? Tony would have got that. They gotta get his ass patched up quick, or they're all fucked.

2. Nothing, and I mean, NOTHING will put a damper on your weekend plans quite like having someone hijack the frequency of your explosive vest's detonator and touch it off from a remote location. I friggin' hate when that happens.

3. In the past, we've seen Jack do some fairly intense shit in the interest of national security - including, but not limited to, torturing his girlfriend's husband with a lamp cord, leaving him to die on his hospital bed in order to provide medical assistance to a suspect, and shooting his boss in the back of the head. And now we're to believe he'd put the country at risk over some 15-year-old, greasy-haired, hippie kid? Not buying it.

4. This show's going downhill fast. Chloe didn't get to shoot anybody, for two whole hours! If she doesn't get some trigger time in hour #5, I swear I'm walking away from the TV. Because I could quit whenever I want to, man. I'm no addict.

[Bruce stops typing to take a sip of coffee from his CTU coffee cup]

5. Obligatory Gun Gripe of the Day: No real gripes this time around, other than Jack's shooting the gun out of the bad guy's hand. And that's not a gripe based simply on the possibility of that happening. I mean, this is Jack Bauer we're talking about here. The gripe is that some people (read: namby-pamby GFW-types) will see that and think (for lack of a better verb) that's how the police should act in every situation where they're facing an armed hostile (who was just starting to turn his life around and pursue a budding career in hip-hop).

Gee, Ya Think?

Talk about understatements:

Meanwhile, [U.S. Sen. Edward M.] Kennedy admitted to [Channel 7’s Andy] Hiller that he himself probably couldn't pass Judiciary Committee muster.

"Probably not ... probably not," Kennedy said.

Monday, January 16, 2006

"24" Season Premier - The Morning After

My Five-Point ReviewTM of last night's season premier of "24" is posted here as an update to last week's post on the subject. I stuck it there so as not to ruin it for anyone who might not have watched it off their Tivo yet.

Be warned, future episodes will have their Five-Point Reviews up the next day at the top of the page.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

It Takes a Special Kind of Loser

From the Boston Globe:

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Photo Album Flashbacks - vol. 5

Be careful what you ask for...

Post PICS!!!!!!

- Derek

...you just might get it.

(click - at your own risk - for larger image)

Friday, January 13, 2006

"24" - Season 5 - THIS SUNDAY!

One thing is certain, Jack Bauer's gun handling skills have drastically improved over the last few years.

What's with the "Little Bunny Foo-Foo" grip?

Also, having your finger on the trigger while holding your gun with the ejector port adjacent to your eyeball is not recommended.

UPDATE: Episodes 1 and 2: 7:00 AM - 9:00 AM

Bruce's Five-Point Review:

1. Wow. I heard rumors that there would be some regular characters whacked in the opener, but Palmer? I admit, I did not see that coming. One thing is certain now - if Tony pulls through, he's coming out of retirement - HARDCORE!

"Let's roll, Jack. We got some scumbags' civil rights to violate!"

2. Nice to see Logan is still a dickhead. Talk about characters you love to hate.

3. Chloe's finally getting laid. Only Edgar needed it more.

4. But, more importantly, she got to shoot a bad guy in the opening episode. Someone get this chick a vest and a pair of leg holsters - hubba hubba.

5. Obligatory Gun Gripe of the Day: Yes, it bugged me when Jack was plugging the bad guy's car full of holes and he managed to squeeze off at least one round after the slide on his gun was clearly shown to be locked back.

Episodes 3 and 4 - tonight at 8:00.

When Common Sense Prevails

There's a happy ending to this story I wrote about last month.

Members of a Scottish group are calling for a high school principal to apologize to a student who was asked to change out of the kilt he wore to a formal dance.

From foxnews.com:

School officials have apologized to a teenager who was ordered to change clothes after he wore a kilt to a school dance.

Jackson High School senior Nathan Warmack received a letter Monday from Superintendent Ron Anderson, who apologized for "the fact that he was humiliated and not permitted to wear his kilt" to the dance.

And, from scotsman.com, a picture of the happy couple.

Joined by his girlfriend, Kendra
Mizzell, Nathan Warmack poses for the
high school's "Silver Arrow" dance.

Nathan, I hope you've since saved up enough money for a decent sporran. And trade in those sweatsocks for some proper hose and flashes, will ya?

(Fox News link via Aaron)

How Do People Get Like This?

Another peek into the genius mind of our good friend, Boston City Councilor Rob "Satellite" Consalvo, can be found in this Boston Globe article from last August, outlining another of his useless, feel-good, do-nothing proposals. On this occasion, it was the prevalence of kids whizzing around on those annoying little mini-motorcycles in his Hyde Park neighborhood that got his panties in a bunch.

For years, it was a crafts store that sold homemade afghans and a place where mothers in Fairmount Hill gathered for knitting lessons.

Last winter, the shingled Hyde Park storefront took in a new tenant -- a business that neighbors say has turned their quiet streets into screaming raceways, shattering the peace of their summer evenings and terrifying car drivers and pedestrians alike. Scooter X Press has become one of the most popular minimotorcycle dealerships around, selling at least 800 bikes since it opened in March -- and driving many neighbors to distraction.

"It's like having a firecracker store in your neighborhood," said Bob Vance, president of the Fairmount Hill Neighborhood Association.

In its latest bid to confront what some call the scourge of shrieking minibikes, the Boston City Council today is scheduled to consider a ban on selling minibikes in residential neighborhoods and local business districts. City Councilor Rob Consalvo, who proposed the idea, happens to live a few blocks from Scooter X Press and says his office has been inundated with residents' complaints.

Yes, he actually proposed prohibiting the sale of the minibikes in his neighborhood, hurting the small business owners whose interests he's supposed to represent, while doing absolutely jack-shit to address the issue of those kids who might be operating the bikes in a reckless or unlawful manner. Makes about as much sense to me as banning hardware stores from operating within city limits to encourage more people here to eat their vegetables.

Welcome to Boston.

"We should be selling these bikes in manufacturing zones, industrial zones, away from families, from children, from the elderly," he said. "Our residential neighborhoods, our local business districts are not the appropriate place for these bikes to be sold."

What a dolt.

Of course, this brilliant plan was met with nothing but praise from his good buddy, Mumbles.

Mayor Thomas M. Menino would have to sign off; yesterday he said he would. "Sometimes government has to step in and protect people," he said.

Is "assclown" hyphenated?

Wave Maker provides the obligatory fisking here.

Can you see how plainly stupid Councilor Consalvo is? Does he not understand that it is not the presence of the scooter store that makes the noise, but the scooter riders? Can he not see that, no matter where the store is, the owners of the scooters will ride them in their neighborhoods, not where the store is located?

Can't sum it up better than that. Of course, trying to present such a logical, straightforward argument to these imbeciles is like teaching quantum mechanics to a goat. retarded goat. dead, retarded goat.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

I Guess It All Depends...

...on your definition of "light posting".

UPDATE: For Derek...

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UPDATE: One more for you.

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It's the Guns

Yeah, Right.

Already burdened by a large number of unsolved murders, Boston Police now have a new problem -- a huge spike in violent robberies.

The latest happened early Thursday morning at a 7-11 store on East India Row.

A suspect looking for cash attacked the clerk with a brick before getting away.

Already this year, violent robberies are up 20 percent compared to this time in 2005.

Somebody get me City Councilor Consalvo on the phone! If this isn't an airtight argument for requiring all manufacturers of masonry products in Massachusetts to install satellite tracking devices in their bricks, than I don't know what is.

Boston City Councilor Goes Off the Deep End

I've seen plenty of hair-brained gun control schemes come down the Pike, but this latest idea from the "mind" of Boston City Councilor, Rob Consalvo, reaches a never-before seen height of stupidity. I've heard of thinking "outside the box" before, but Consalvo's outside the orbit of Saturn with this one.

Consalvo to Smith & Wesson: It's time to track your guns

After Boston's bloodiest year in a decade, one city councilor has called on one of the largest manufacturers of guns in the country to install satellite-tracking technology in its weapons.

Please, tell me I didn't just read that.

District 5 City Councilor Rob Consalvo, who represents Roslindale and Hyde Park, recently wrote a letter to Springfield-based Smith & Wesson asking the chief executive if he would blend GPS technology with the company's newly manufactured guns.

Nope, I guess I did.

"There is an insatiable appetite for guns in urban neighborhoods," said Consalvo, who has also been pushing for a gun offender registry. "If we can stem that tide, if we can put a choke on that supply, we're going to reduce the amount of teenagers with guns in the city and less gun violence."

Consalvo mentioned Boston's adoption of GPS-enabled school buses and snow plows as the most recent examples of high-tech keeping tabs on the most routine things. Even cell phones have GPS technology embedded in them.

Apparently, he doesn't see the difference between publicly-funded municipal vehicles and privately-owned property. Now, were this bill aimed at installing GPS devices in the firearms issued to police officers, that would be a different story. But, I got a strong hunch that police firearms would be exempt from this fairyland fantasy plan of his.

The city councilor picked Smith & Wesson because it's a Massachusetts-based company.

"I'm calling on them to step up to the plate," he said. "They need to install some technology like GPS or Lojack or some tracking technology. I'm not an engineer, so I don't know what that is. So they'll be easily tracked once those weapons are stolen ... I think given the fact that Smith & Wesson is located in the state, they have a greater responsibility."

Here's a suggestion, you brainless, flaming sack of yak nuts - let's install satellite tracking devices in CRIMINALS. How many times do we read stories of violent scumbags being arrested in the City of Boston, only to find that they have - SURPRISE! - outstanding warrants against them at the time of their arrest?

Yesterday, in Jamaica Plain, a woman was savagely beaten within inches of her life until her assailant was stopped by some courageous citizens nearby. You think this was this dirtbag's first violent offense?

And that's only in cases where the police (or citizens) are successful in apprehending them. Do we need a discussion on the BPD arrest and prosecution rate for violent criminals in the city? Maybe if they had a satellite tracking device injected in their ass when they were last set free on bail, they could have been tracked by the authorities, and picked up within minutes of skipping out on bail.

But, NOOOOOOOOOOO!, that would violate these citizens' rights!

Everyone knows it's much easier to turn the thumbscrews on the law-abiding, gun-owning citizens. They're powerless to do anything about it. Any actions on their part to defend their rights could be interpreted as aggressive behavior and lead to them being deemed "unsuitable for licensing". A true win-win scenario for numbnuts like Consalvo here.

Whether the company itself would latch on to the idea of tracking its customers' guns is another story. A company spokesman didn't return a phone message by the Transcript's deadline.

In their defense, it's hard to dial the phone when you're doubled over, peeing your pants from laughing too hard.

About privacy concerns that gun owners might have, Consalvo said, "It's a piece of property. It's not on a person."

I honestly don't even know why I'm wasting my time responding to this moronic piece of crap...or his proposal.

In a Jan. 6 letter to Michael F. Golden, president and chief executive of Smith & Wesson, Consalvo wrote, "While I understand that illegal gun use is not the fault of your company or legitimate gun owners, I implore you to seriously consider this idea as another way to make our cities safer."

Translation: We got nothing. But, it's not like the idiots in our districts know any better. They'll fall for this bullshit - hook, line and sinker. It's "common sense".

A Boston Police Department spokesman wasn't specific about supporting the initiative or not.

"The Boston Police Department supports any type of gun control," said Officer Michael McCarthy.

If only they were so dedicated toward criminal control.

"We leave that to the lawmakers. We'll promote gun safety."

And more people than ever before actually want to move out of such a "progressive" paradise? Shocking.

UPDATE: The Boston Globe has more on this.

Councilor Rob Consalvo wants to put a tracking device into newly manufactured guns and have legal gun owners retrofit their firearms so owners and police can locate and retrieve stolen guns the same way police use a computer chip to locate stolen cars.

You mean you're not going to require the criminals to do the same to their guns? Shouldn't it be theirs we should be tracking here? Besides, I'm sure they'd all install these devices - if there was a law telling them to.

Consalvo acknowledged that he's a complete ass the cost of manufacturing guns with such a device could be high, but that it would be worth it.

My city councilor, ladies and gentlemen.