Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Before I Forget...

No resolutions.

No predictions.

Just wishing everyone a safe and happy new year!

You may now return to your regularly scheduled imbibification.

UPDATE: OK, so I do have one (not so bold) prediction.

In about three weeks, all of this...

...will be flushed down the memory hole faster than you can say "Hopenchange".

Prepare to enter the Age of Obama and get ready for the new rallying cry of the "enlightened" class (which we certainly got a generous helping of during the presidential campaign).

"Dissent is Racist!"

UPDATE II: Let's not forget about Joe Biden's take on this.

"Shutting up, doing what your government tells you, and
feeding it more of your hard-earned money is patriotic"

Yeah, I'll pass, thanks.

That's More Like It

(pic revised per reader suggestion)

UPDATE: Because you're all probably drunk by now and would like a little reading material to keep your mind from shutting down completely before night's end, here's my current wall of hate speech.

(click image to enlargificate)

For Those Of You Keeping Score at Home

If you're a Massachusetts resident whose only crime against humanity is a 20-year-old drunk driving conviction, you are still prohibited from owning a handgun in the Commonwealth.

If, on the other hand, you used an illegally-obtained handgun 20 years ago to rape a child at gunpoint or to murder someone, you may soon be eligible for a comfy state job (and the numerous benefits that come with it) in the People's Progressive Republic.

That is, if Governor Deval "Together We Can (Make Up Bullshit, Six-Figure Jobs For Our Friends and Campaign Donors, While Threatening to Lay Off Teachers and Firefighters, In Order To Scare the Flock Into Accepting a Seven-Dollar Toll on the Airport Tunnels)" Patrick has his way.

Boston - Individuals convicted of rape, kidnapping, murder, and other serious violent crimes would no longer be automatically disqualified for life from jobs at state health and human services agencies, under regulations proposed by the Patrick administration.

Rather than a lifetime disqualification, offenders who commit such crimes would be banned for 10 years from employment, and, barring additional convictions, would be eligible to apply. Under current rules, people who commit violent offenses are presumed to be disqualified for life, but could be hired following a review by the commissioner of the agency in which the applicant is seeking work.

Well, he did promise to bring about "change".

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Thanks, Mumbles, I Needed a Good Laugh

Boston Herald: City officials deny downtown gang presence

Top city officials yesterday denied that gangbangers are drifting into Downtown Crossing, days after a daylight shooting sent shoppers scrambling for cover outside the popular Macy’s store.

Multiple law enforcement sources who patrol the area told the Herald they noticed more gang-involved youth showing up at the transportation and shopping hub. And trouble followed them Friday, when an 18-year-old man took a bullet to the leg after an encounter between two rival groups, sending two Transit cops chasing after suspects.

But Mayor Thomas M. Menino said if there was a problem, he would know about it.

And, this moron will probably by re-elected this November by close to a a 2:1 margin.


UPDATE: When life imitates sarcastic blog comments (or vice-versa).


Menino wouldn't notice a Crips-Bloods gang fight if it was taking place in his own ass.

Flashback - October 2005:

Mayor Thomas M. Menino said he had just left the Blue Hill Avenue Boys and Girls Club 10th anniversary celebration yesterday when a 19-year-old let loose with thunderclaps from a .357 Magnum a half-block away, firing six rounds at a man whose sweatshirt was torn by two bullet holes.

It was the first of two shooting incidents close to city leaders in a matter of hours yesterday.

Menino insisted to the Herald he wasn't there and didn't hear any gunfire, but a police source said Menino was there when the shots rang out, prompting the cops in attendance to rush out of the Boys and Girls Club toward the shots on nearby Harvard Street, where detectives collared Shaka Dyette of Dorchester. Police Commissioner Kathleen O'Toole -– also present -– told the Herald she didn't hear the shots either.

But the source said, "Everyone heard it. Boom. Boom. A couple cops ran out of the Boys and Girls Club."

Plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Welcome Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston

It's a boy!

The 18-year-old daughter of former Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin has given birth in Alaska to a son.

People magazine reports that Bristol Palin gave birth to Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston on Sunday. He weighed 7 pounds, 4 ounces.

Mother and child are reported to be doing well.


Reason #17,929...

Hey, Governor Patrick, how's that campaign promise to fight gang violence by putting more cops on the streets coming along?

Let's review.

As Mayor Thomas M. Menino eyes ambitious plans to revitalize Downtown Crossing, cops on the ground say they’re seeing more gangbangers gravitate toward the hapless tourist and shopping haven, where a brazen daylight shooting sent tourists and shoppers ducking for cover Friday afternoon.

As Gov. Deval Patrick grapples with layoffs and budget deficits, he has hired a close neighbor in Milton to be the state’s $120,000 director of real estate services, the Herald has learned.

Attorney and real-estate consultant Dana Harrell, 60, a frequent contributor to Patrick’s campaign coffers, was introduced Oct. 27, less than two weeks after Patrick announced 1,000 jobs would be lost to the state’s $1.4 billion budget crunch.

Breathe in the Hopenchange.

Hold for 10-20 seconds.


Facebook Flair Fail (cont'd)

Flair Making Rule #1: No one will really care if you have the most intelligent, philosophical, world-changing, mind-altering slogan on your flair. If you have to shrink it down to 0.4-pt. font to make it fit on the button, you've just created a useless piece of barcode flair.

Note: Rule #1 covers approximately seven percent of all Facebook flair, by my latest estimate.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Facebook Flair Fail (cont'd)

Man, you could start your own blog featuring nothing but shitty Facebook flair. It would be kinda like writing a blog about how screwed up a place Massachusetts is - NO SHORTAGE of material.

Not exactly, no.

If I Could Just Interject Here

I've got frozen dog turds in my back yard that can run a better two-minute drill than Tampa Bay did today on their way to sucking themselves out of the playoffs.

Now...GO JETS!

Life in the Granite Ingrate State

I'm at a loss for words.

A Portsmouth, N.H., couple yesterday blamed each other for their black and blue Christmas when they got into a violent fight - and arrested - after an argument over a gift of the popular Nintendo video game.

“This was the worst Christmas ever,” Randi Young, 24, said a day after she and her boyfriend, Heath Blom, 26, were both cuffed and carted off by cops on misdemeanor charges of “domestic-related” simple assault.

Police were called to South Street home where the couple lived with Blom’s grandparents at 1:55 p.m. Christmas day. Officers arrested the pair upon observing bruises on each of them.

Portsmouth police said tempers flared because the boyfriend was smarting over not getting the present he wished for. “Heath Blom wanted a remote-controlled airplane for Christmas, and not the Wii,” said Sgt. Kuffer Kaltenborn.

Blom, a flooring contractor, said the cops got it wrong, and that he had asked his grandparents to get him the $1,000 airplane for his birthday next April. “You can’t fly an RC plane in the snow,” he said.

But he admitted disparaging the Wii game to his grandma and angering his girlfriend, who accused him of being an ingrate.

Blom, still nursing a shiner from the fight, said she called him names “for not liking the Wii.”

“He said he hated it. It hurt her feelings,” remarked Young, who said her boyfriend “told his grandparents that he changed his mind” about waiting until his birthday and wanted them to buy him the pricey plane for Christmas. “When he didn’t get the plane, he got really upset. He acted like a 10-year-old kid,” she said.

This 'bout sums it up.

Well, that, and these comments from some Boston Herald readers:

This can't be a true story. A collection of humans this dumb could not possibly be random. It has to be some sociological experiment by the government or invading moon people.

The only Christmas gift he should be asking for is a magical trip to the land of puberty - Wii and remote control planes? Is this kid 12?

This guy probably sleeps in a racing car bed in pajamas with feet.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Facebook Flair Fail

Friday, December 26, 2008

P.T. Barnum Was Right

Though, "every minute" is clearly just the national average, with some regions' SBRs (sucker birth rates) far exceeding that.

Environmentally conscious travelers flying out of San Francisco International Airport will soon be able to assuage their guilt and minimize the impact of their air travel by buying certified carbon offsets at airport kiosks.


...the general idea, officials said, is that a traveler would approach a kiosk resembling the self-service check-in stations used by airlines, then punch in his or her destination. The computer would calculate the carbon footprint and the cost of an investment to offset the damage. The traveler could then swipe a credit card to help save the planet. Travelers would receive a printed receipt listing the projects benefiting from their environmental largesse.

You think that's bad? You ain't seen nothing yet. Just give it a couple months. It won't be long before Congress takes up making such "green fees" mandatory for all airline passengers.

"...whites of their eyes."

(link via Say Anything)

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry Christmas, One and All

So, I was trying to find a way to get the near-fatal "Jingle Bell Rock" earworm out of my head yesterday. At first, I thought I could torture it out, by forcing myself to watch this, the very embodiment of cheesy Christmas song suck.

But, that only made the pain worse.

Then, I stumbled upon this.

Now, I'm just scared.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Only In Massa-bleepin'-chusetts!

Seriously, can we start digging the State Line Moat now? WTF?

Ex-senator wants double pension

J. James Marzilli Jr., the former state senator from Arlington who resigned in disgrace after being charged with harassing or attempting to grope women in downtown Lowell, wants the state to nearly double his pension.

In a request submitted to the state Board of Retirement, Marzilli, a 50-year-old liberal Democrat with 23 years of local and state service, cites a state law that allows elected officials under age 55 with more than 20 years of creditable service to boost their pension if they fail to win reelection.

Is that state motto contest still open?

Massachusetts: Rewarding corruption, incompetence, and failure since long before most of you suckers were even a tingle in your Daddy's pants.

Musical Interlude

Be sure to watch it to the end.

Pop Quiz: Going To the Movies Edition

Here are a couple new movies hitting theaters this winter.

For 50 bonus points, guess which one of these has already won numerous awards, having been being fawned over by the Hollywood/Obamastream media establishment, and which one will more likely come and go, virtually ignored by the same.

Movie #1: Defiance

Starring: Daniel Craig


Three Jewish brothers escape from Nazi-occupied Poland into the Belarussian forest, where they join Russian resistance fighters and endeavor to build a village in order to protect themselves and others in danger.

Movie #2: Milk

Starring: Sean Penn, Josh Brolin


After moving to San Francisco, the middle-aged New Yorker, Harvey Milk, became a Gay Rights activist and city politician. On his third attempt, he was elected to San Francisco's Board of Supervisors in 1977, making him the first openly gay man to be elected to public office in the USA. The following year, both he and the city's mayor, George Moscone, were shot to death by former city supervisor, Dan White, who blamed his former colleagues for denying White's attempt to rescind his resignation from the board.

For anyone who hasn't figured this out already, your odds of winning an Academy Award (Palme d'Or, Golden Globe, etc.) these days increase exponentially if your plot line follows a pre-approved, politically correct, left-wing formula.

Needless to say, a movie about the members of an oppressed population, banding together and taking up arms, in the name of freedom and liberty, against a murderous, fascist regime does not conform to any such cinematic blueprint.

That's not to say that "Milk" isn't a great movie, necessarily, or even the best movie of the year. It very well might be. Putting aside for one moment his undying adoration for every America-hating dictator to come down the pike, Sean Penn is a very talented actor, who's brought many remarkable characters to life on the big screen.

Jeff Spicoli, anyone?

The obvious point I'm making here is that a movie like "Milk" could end up sucking gigantic moose balls, but, because the storyline and the underlying moral theme conform to the "formula", it will be showered with immeasurable praise, regardless of actual merit.

Movies like "Defiance"? No mulligans there. They actually have to earn their accolades.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

To Paraphrase Col. John "Hannibal" Smith...

They just love it when a plan comes together.

Boston Globe - December 22, 2005:

WASHINGTON -- Southern and Western states are growing so much faster than the rest of the country that several are expected to grab House seats from the Northeast and Midwest when Congress is reapportioned in 2010.

The projections are based on state population estimates by the Census Bureau. The bureau released its July 2005 estimates today, showing that Nevada grew at a faster rate than any other state for the 19th consecutive year, followed by Arizona, Idaho, Florida and Utah.

Rhode Island, New York, and Massachusetts lost population, as did the District of Columbia. The populations of North Dakota, Ohio and Michigan grew, but at a slower rate than others.

mAss Backwards - December 22, 2005:

Unless the state legislature can come up with a way to count all the illegal aliens in Massachusetts as lawful residents (and don't tell me they're not working on it already), expect to see the same results in the year-end tally....and next year...and the year after that...

Boston Herald - January 19, 2007:

Bay State officials seeking to save a coveted congressional seat are turning for help to residents who can’t even vote: illegal immigrants.

A census of the often-maligned underground residents - who face constant calls for their deportation - could be critical to reaching a population total that could preserve the seat.

"We need to chase them," Secretary of State William Galvin said yesterday, stressing the need for an "all local" hunt for everyone living here.

Boston Globe - December 23, 2008:

After a brief period of declining population, Massachusetts has logged its third consecutive year of growth.


Massachusetts was the fastest-growing state in the Northeast last year. Utah was the nation's fastest-growing state in terms of percentages. Texas led in terms of numbers of new residents, with its population rising to more than 24 million. California remained the most populous state, with about 36.8 million residents.

Massachusetts officials attributed the state's growth to its becoming a more attractive place to work and do business.


You keep telling yourselves that.

Now, where did I leave my Bullshit Flag? It's hoistin' time.

But demographers attributed the population growth to increased efforts to count the state's college students, prisoners, and nursing home residents.

...and illegal, I mean, undocumented "free" healthcare recipients.

There, fixed it for ya.

Alternate Post Title: You're Not Fooling Anyone (With More Brain cells Than Reproductive Organs), You Know

Sticking to the Playbook

Barack Obama, July 2008:

"We've got to have a civilian national security force that's just as powerful, just as strong, just as well funded."

Cambridge, Massachusetts (December 2008):

Nothing captures the true spirit of Christmas like ratting out your neighbors on a government website.

That, apparently, is the attitude in Cambridge, where the city has established a website for citizens to anonymously report each other for failing to shovel their sidewalks. It's kind of a DIY "naughty and nice" list, except nobody's nice. And because it's anonymous, you'll never know who ratted you out for the $50 ticket when the Cambridge snow cops come knocking on your door.

(Cambridge DPW "complaint" site here)

I gotta say, that's not quite how things work 'round these parts.

If one of our neighbors needs help getting his driveway cleared, we'll show up at his house with shovels and snowblowers. If his power goes out, we'll bring a gas can for the generator, an extra lantern, or a couple jugs of drinking water.


I guess we're just not as full of Hopenchange as our "progressive" neighbors to the south.

Of course. if the liberal, elitist gasbags running the City of Cambridge were actually as concerned about their fellow Cantabrigians as they pretend to be, they'd have set up a website where people could go to find out who needs help shoveling their sidewalks.

But, that wouldn't create a revenue stream for the city coffers, and more importantly, it would violate the Liberal Creed:

Ask not what you're government can do for you. Demand it.

But, wait, the story gets better.

While taping the story on location in Cambridge, the Fox 25 reporter encountered a woman who lives in Cambridge public housing. She took him to her housing complex where the sidewalks weren't cleared and the emergency egress doors were blocked by snowdrifts.

Go figure.

Later, when Fox25 tried to get in touch with Cambridge Mayor E. Denise Simmons' office concerning this matter, she dived right back into her dog-eared copy of The Official Barack Obama Playbook (chapter 7): Obfuscation You Can Believe In.

One more thing...

WTKK's Michael Graham (linked above) and others reporting on this story seem to be under the impression that the city of Cambridge's website offers residents anonymity in exchange for their ratting out of their neighbors (yes, I know...Joe Stalin would be proud).

Ready the bullshit flag, me hearties.

If you stumble upon this blog, whether you choose to leave a comment or not, I can instantly tell, among other things, where you are located, what operating system you're running, how many pages you viewed while you were here, and the IP address from which you accessed my blog.

If someone of the Republican persuasion were to use that website to rat out a member of the Commonwealth's Ruling Class, it likely wouldn't take more than a minute or two for that person's information to be accessed and for the full-blown, Joe the Plumber-style (and media-coordinated) assault to be underway.

Viva el Hopenchange!

Monday, December 22, 2008

Blog Comment of the Day

From Herr Morgenholz, commenting at Ace of Spades:

That's not a gun cabinet. That's my wife's closet. The gun cabinet has its own zip code. F***ing British pussy.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

I'm Shocked!

SHOCKED, I tell you!

Politico: Blago records may stay under wraps

Barack Obama is promising that next week he’ll disclose contacts between his staff and disgraced Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich’s office, but he’s stopped short of pledging to release e-mails or other records that could be key to understanding those contacts.

Whatever such records exist may never see the light of day, thanks to a gap in government records disclosure laws that allows presidential transition teams to keep their documents — even those prepared using taxpayer dollars — out of the public record.

So much for transparency in government and Obama's vacuous, empty-assed promise to bring about a new way of doing business in Chicago Washington.

Asked if the team would voluntarily release the records, the spokeswoman, Stephanie Cutter, was non-committal. “Let's wait and see what we put out after our internal review,” she told Politico. “I don’t even know if there’s any correspondence to be had, so one step at a time.”

As if anyone on the Left or in the mainstream media (but, I repeat myself) would accept such a bullshit smokescreen of a response from the Bush White House, asking people to just sit tight and that a thorough internal review of the scandal of the day was underway.

The Obama team would not say whether it would unveil its findings as a written report, a brief press release or a verbal statement, nor whether it would supplement the release with emails, notes or other records sent, received or maintained by the transition team — though that seems unlikely.

Obfuscation you can believe in.

To My Fellow Rush Nerds...

Happy 21/12!

Friday, December 19, 2008

Detect a Pattern Yet?

Rahm Emanuel, Obama's chief of staff, who's so far up Blago's backside, he'll need to be surgically removed and disinfected prior to any courtroom appearances:

Back at his home, Emanuel appeared "beet-red," according to an ABC News cameraman who was invited inside by Emanuel to use his bathroom this morning.

"I'm getting regular death threats. You've put my home address on national television. I'm pissed at the networks. You've intruded too much, " Emanuel said, according to the cameraman

Helen Jones-Kelley, the bureaucratic flunky who illegally accessed Joe the Plumber's personal information in her attempt to smear his name, solely because he dared to question her Messiah:

Department of Job and Family Services Director Helen Jones-Kelley said in a statement accompanying her resignation that she won't allow her reputation to be disparaged and that she is concerned for her family's safety.

When the going gets tough, the tough get going not-so-tough whip out the Perpetual Liberal Victimhood Playbook, with the kind of predictability you can set your watch to, and start working their way through it, chapter by chapter.

See also: Dianne Wilkerson

Sen. Dianne Wilkerson, who blamed [...] her failure to file taxes on death threats, has a new mess to explain: curfew violations.

UPDATE: How could I have forgotten about Manchester's "best and brightest", State Representative Nick Levasseur.

However, if you wish to dishonor and degrade yourself by using insulting language and threatening tones, then I will not be part of it.


I have to say that I find your comments to me to be at best dishonorable and at worst threatening. While I do not intend any further action, I am compelled to forward this and all other messages of this nature to the House Sergeant-at-Arms.

What's Your Favorite Holiday Beverage?

This one goes by several different names, but for simplicity's sake, I'm just calling it "Eggnog" (quotation marks required). The best part is, there's no measuring units involved. Quantities determined solely by your level of thirst.

1. In a lowball glass (or 24-ounce stein), pour equal parts Bailey's and Irish Whiskey over ice.
2. Stir.
3. Lather, rinse, repeat.


So, what are you drinking this week?

UPDATE: Gotta add my two favorite seasonal beers to the list.

Samuel Adams Old Fezziwig Ale

Anchor Christmas Ale

Honorable mention goes to Sierra Nevada Celebration Ale.

Damn, as if I wasn't already thirsty as hell.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Product Design Fail

We started wrapping some Christmas presents today, using some wrapping paper we picked up a few weeks back at the local Christmas Tree Shops store.

Well, it turns out, some stupid numbnut working in a Chinese wrapping paper factory decided it would be a nice touch to put a smooth, almost wax paper-like finish on the paper, so that when you tried to stick a piece of scotch tape on it, you'd get to experience the adhesion characteristics of a naked drunk guy trying to scale a greased plate glass window.

I'm picturing some Chinese guy having a Billy Blazejowski kind of epiphany, screaming into a pocket tape recorder, "Self-opening plesents!".

Quote of the Day: In a Nutshell Edition

From reader, Stavro99, commenting on the Boston Police Department's advice to women to use their car keys as a defensive weapon:

...if keys really COULD stop an attacker, they'd outlaw them.

Or, they'd pass legislation requiring all new cars sold in Massachusetts to be equipped for use with magnetic type car keys (as opposed to serrated "assault-style" keys).

The preceding comment was brought to you today by the Department of That's So Idiotic, It Might Actually Happen in Massachusetts Someday.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Because Some Snark Bears Repeating

WBZ (Channel 4 - Boston):

The Boston Police Department said a recent string of sexual assaults allegedly by cab and livery drivers has prompted a warning to passengers to be careful.

Police said since October there have been five sexual assaults on women who reported being attacked by taxi or livery drivers.

And, stop me if you've heard this one before.

Police also suggest carrying a cell phone and holding car keys in your hand that can be used as a weapon against an attacker.

From the joint statement released by Boston Mayor Tom "Mumbles" Menino and Massachusetts Governor Deval "Hopenchange Jr." Patrick:

A woman should never carry a gun, because the bad guy will just take it away from her and use it against her. Whereas, a set of car keys will impart superhuman strength and razor-edged combat readiness upon any woman carrying them. There would simply be no way she could ever be disarmed and assaulted then. Same applies to cell phones and plastic whistles.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Fill In the Blank

Mike Barnicle is a(n) __________________.

Here's a brief study guide to help you out.

Alternate Post Title: Watch Joe Scarborough As He States the Flamingly F***ing Obvious [Read: Obvious to Anyone With More Functioning Brain Neurons Than Toes]

Back On the Grid

As of 11:22 this morning.

File Under: Absolute Certainties

Any attempt to steal my generator will be met with armed resistance.

Price Gouging

I can still get underwear for 69 cents a pair at my local Wal-Mart, but I can't get a Colt Woodsman anywhere for only 69 bucks.

What gives?

(link via Say Uncle)

Monday, December 15, 2008

Fill In the Blanks

1. I'd like to find the guy who invented ________ and buy him a beer.

2. I'd like to find the guy who invented ________ and kick him in the yams.

Day #4 - UPDATED

Got a fresh pot of coffee on.

Going out for gas (and maybe donuts) in a little while.

As of 6:30 last night, WMUR is reporting 200,000 homes are still without power. I still haven't seen in my neighborhood any of the 500+ repair crews they say are out there.

With the exception of the raging assholes who were blowing through intersections where the traffic lights were knocked out of commission on Friday morning, folks have been very civil, helping out their neighbors as much as possible.

UPDATE: There's a vicious rumor going around the neighborhood that there was a repair crew working on the downed lines two streets over from where we are, and that power could restored some time tonight.

We shall see.

In the meantime, I'll be sitting comfortably on the couch, working on my PBR 12-pack, and watching Hancock on DVD.

UPDATE II: So much for that rumor. My generator will soon be entering its 100th hour of non-stop use. If anyone wants a recommendation for a gas-powered generator, I've got nothing but praise for my Coleman Powermate. I think I paid $599 for it at Home Depot a couple years ago.

Here's a pic of my high-tech setup.

Hooray for bungee cords!

Sunday, December 14, 2008

It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

UPDATE: Better version uploaded. Click to biggify.

I *heart* My Generator

Day 3: No power, no internet.

Blackberry just came online.

Have plenty of beer, gas, coffee, ammo.


UPDATE (7:00 PM Sunday): Woo-hoo!!! Internet connection (and HD cable) back up!

We're not expecting to have our power back on any time soon. We can drive past downed power lines at both ends of our street and there's no sign of any repair crews, just a couple orange cones.

And, I found out today that it takes two trips with the truck to bring home a full-size birch tree.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Take the Blago Gun Survey

As we all know now, conditional to his release on bail, Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich was ordered to surrender his state-issued Firearms Owner Identification Card.

I haven't heard nay news accounts of any firearms being confiscated from his home, so we'll just have to speculate, for now, as to what he's got in his home arsenal.

So, here's a twist on the tired, old, worn-out gun forum poll question "If you could only own one gun, what would it be?".

Given what we know about Governor Blago's way of life and his "charming" personality, if he could only have one gun, what would it be?

I'll post my answer later on.

UPDATE: Before I give you my answer, which no one else has picked yet, here are some of the excellent picks submitted in the comments, so far, by the most astute blog readers you'll ever hope to meet.

stickman: Shitcargo punk ass hoods would be carrying the colt 1903 in .32 back in the day.

Brian: AK-47, the preferred weapon of our enemy.

wolfwalker: ...he's gonna carry a Chicago Piano: the .45-cal Thompson submachine gun with 50-round drum magazine.

Linz: Uzi. Definitely an uzi.

Mopar (who wins the GSA (Golden Snark Award) for this one: H&K G36, of course. Because you suck and he's better then you.

OK, that's funny.

Also, forget about Monday, if this post-Blagobust traffic keeps up, I'll be a "mega-blogger" before noon tomorrow.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Memo to Would-Be Drug Runners

If your plan involves making a fake UPS truck to carry your drugs, make sure at least one of the guys doing the detailing on the truck knows how to spell.

(click image to enlarge)

What's Chicago-ese for "À Propos"?

You simply can't make this shit up.

The United Nations’ (UN) International Anti-Corruption Day aims to raise public awareness of corruption and what people can do to fight it. It is observed on December 9 each year.

Oh, and today is Blago's birthday. There's a joke in there somewhere about him getting his candle blown, but I won't go there.

This time.

(link via Free Will)

How Will History Remember Rod Blagojevich?

For Charles Richter, it was seismic energy.

Friedrich Mohs had mineral hardness.

Measuring temperature is the claim to fame of Daniel Gabriel Fahrenheit and Anders Celsius, and Lord William Thomson Kelvin.

And, for Sir Francis Beaufort and Tetsuya Fujita, it was wind speed and tornado intensity, respectively.

In the future, will the moral character of political officials will be measured on the Blagojevich Scale, or will the unit of measurement thereof be known as the Blago?

SHOCKER: Obama "Saddened"... Again

When Tony Rezko was found guilty of being a corrupt, no-good scumbag, Barack Obama was "saddened" by the verdict.

Commenting on the news yesterday, that his good friend and political ally, Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich, had been arrested and taken into custody to face federal corruption charges, Barack Obama said:

"Like the rest of the people of Illinois I am saddened and sobered by the news that came out of the U.S. attorney's office today.

First off, if this isn't a grave insult to the people of Illinois, I don't know what is. I'd wager good money that an overwhelming number of Illinoisans greeted the news yesterday with raucous cheers, high fives, and a much earlier than normal happy hour kick-off.

I'm sure there were a lot of sad faces in the political cesspool known as Chicago City Hall, but come on. Getting Blago behind bars is the best thing that could possibly happen to the people and the State of Illinois.

But, I digress.

That wasn't the point of this post.

When Obama says he was saddened by the news of Blagojevich's arrest, is he sad because his scumbag friend just got busted, or sad because he just found out his friend is a total scumbag.

During the presidential campaign, we were subjected to nearly two years of Obama-friendly media coverage and pro-Obama talk from his supporters on the ground, telling us what a brilliant man Barack Obama is, and how he's so much smarter, and therefore more qualified to be president, than our current president.

Well, now this genius wants us to believe that he was the only person in Chicago who had no idea Blagojevich and Rezko were dirty.

This, of course, is what we here in the reality-based world call complete and utter horseshit.

Obama knew full well that these guys were off the scumbag charts, but chose to ally himself with them for both personal and political gain. He's where he is today, because he knowingly embraced the corruption of the Chicago political machine and played ball with these guys.

He knew the rules of the game going in, was more than happy to suit up and take the field, and now wants us to believe he never had anything to do with any of these crooks and liars, but if it turns out he did, then he had no idea they weren't the upstanding citizens he thought they were.

And, now, thanks to the mainstream media's eager willingness to keep the public from finding out about the real Barack Obama, we get to have him as our next president.

So, let us take a moment this morning to thank the legions of rabid, Bush-bashing leftists, who were kind enough to bestow upon us their wisdom over the last eight years.

Joe Biden's idiotic statement about paying higher taxes, notwithstanding, they taught us the important lesson about how expressing one's dissent over the actions and policies of the sitting president is the most patriotic act one person can undertake.

Because I'm looking forward to making 2009 the Year of the Patriot.

UPDATE: File this one under "Badges of Honor".

My blog is currently the #1 Google hit for 'Blagojevich scumbag'.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

I Gotta Stop Calling Blagojevich a Scumbag

It's insulting to both scum and bags.

[Blagojevich] was released on a signature bond that specifies that he'll forfeit $4,500 bond if he doesn't appear in court. Blagojevich also was ordered to relinquish his passport and his firearm owner's identification card.

As a state legislator, Blagojevich tried to raise the price of an Illinois Firearm Owners Identification (FOID) card from $5.00 to $500.00, saying that such a large increase was necessary so people would think twice about wanting to own a gun.

It's not that Blagojevich is "anti-gun", necessarily. He just doesn't want his subjects from the unwashed underclasses to have them.

I wish nothing but a lifetime of pain, misery, and suffering for this incorrigible, contemptible turd.

If the Blagojevich Arrest Proves Anything...'s that Massachusetts State Senator Dianne Wilkerson and Boston City Councilor Chuck Turner are rank amateurs, hardly worthy of a prosecutor's attention, when it comes to the business of dirty politics.

Reminder: Never Underestimate the Power of Stupid

In the event that Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich manages to escape prison time, by what margin will he be re-elected governor in 2010 by the body of idiots who've already handed him two gubernatorial victories?

Question #2: What will his re-election margin be if he's convicted and sent to prison?

It's About F***ing Time!

Barack Obama's good friend and political ally, Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich, who rivals no man in his abject disdain for the private ownership of firearms, has been taken into custody by the FBI this morning to face federal corruption charges.

(CNN) -- Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich is in federal custody on corruption charges, a law enforcement official said Tuesday.

Blagojevich and his chief of staff John Harris are charged with conspiracy to commit mail and wire fraud and solicitation of bribery, according to a statement from the U.S. Attorney's office for the Northern District of Illinois.

Federal prosecutors say Blagojevich, Harris and others conspired to gain financial benefits in appointing President-elect Barack Obama's Senate replacement, according to the statement.

Blagojevich, Harris and others are also alleged to have withheld state assistance to the Tribune Company in connection with the sale of Wrigley Field. The statement says this was done to induce the firing of Chicago Tribune editorial board members who were critical of Blagojevich.

The statement also alleges that Blagojevich and others tried to illegally obtain campaign contributions.

Here's hoping the scumbag rots in prison, or meets an early demise having suffered a fatal case of cockinthroat. I can live with either of those options.

UPDATE: " the company he keeps."

Make no mistake about it. We are in for four SOLID years of Chicago-style politics from the upcoming administration.

Bend over.

The Hopenchange is coming.

UPDATE II: Aaron @ Free Will:

Longtime readers know that seeing Blagojevich go to prison has essentially been this blog's primary purpose, so let me put it in writing, to avoid any confusion: this arrest makes me very happy. The only reason it took me this long to post about it is because I've been working nights this week, and didn't find out until I woke up two hours ago to several voicemails, emails, and instant messages wondering why I haven't posted about this yet.

This is my Christmas morning.

Game Over

OK, so it's been "game over" in what used to be Great Britain for some time now. But, this picture illustrates so succinctly the inescapable depths to which British society has plummeted.

(click to enlarge)

(H/T Doobie at NES)

Monday, December 08, 2008

By My Calculations...

...this blog will rack up its 1,000,000th site visit on or around next Monday.

What to do? What to do?

Quote of the Day

What do gun ownership, cigarette smoking, educating your children, eating unhealthy foods, driving SUV's, listening to your favorite talk radio program, visiting your doctor, and throwing away your garbage all have in common, as far as today's "progressive" doctrine is concerned?

"It's an issue of control. I think that there are people who'd like to tell other people how to run their lives."

~ Clemson University Professor Daniel Benjamin

Author: Eight Great Myths of Recycling

Nail, meet hammer.

Quote via "Penn & Teller: Bullshit!".

Part I, Part II, Part III

(Bullshit! link via Ace of Spades)

Sunday, December 07, 2008

Sorry To Disappoint

Just got a brief visit here from someone in Alabama, searching on Google for a "free chuck berry pee movie".


I've got a lot of new posts simmering on the back burner.

Will try to get to them all before they turn into last year's news.

Meanwhile, here's a gun safety PSA (via Jay Tea at Wizbang).

Friday, December 05, 2008

Mumbles Menino: We Need More Bullet Control!

Pols pull the trigger on gun, bullet restrictions

Mayor Thomas M. Menino and his potential challenger City Councilor Michael F. Flaherty found themselves in rare agreement yesterday about two landmark measures closing a gun loophole and banning armor-piercing bullets.

The "loophole" they're referring to here is the way the current firearm possession laws apply to individuals carrying illegally on their person, versus those illegally possessing guns in their homes.

Here's the punchline:

It would impose the same mandatory minimum 18 months that gun-toting thugs get when they’re busted on the street.

Of course, that depends heavily on one's definition of the word "get".

As for the ubiquitous (previously blogged on here, here, and here) armor-piercing, "cop-killer" bullet ban, I'll just leave you with the comment I left on the Boston Herald website.

I'll assume Menino is talking about the FN Five-seveN handgun, that fires the 5.7x28mm cartridge, the MILITARY VERSION of which (the SS190) was designed to penetrate body armor. This round is ALREADY RESTRICTED from the civilian market.

The civilian version of this cartridge has the same ability to penetrate light duty police vests as several higher caliber pistol rounds that are rather commonplace. Not to mention, that any centerfire rifle will blow holes through Level I and II body armor like it's not even there.

Hey, I just had a great idea. Let's pass a law that says it's illegal to shoot cops. If someone's willing to ignore that law, what chance does Menino's bullet ban have of being heeded by that person?

Brief side note: One commenter there remarked...

...Bob Consalvo should be the next Mayor!

That would be City Councilor Rob Consalvo, Super Genius. Though, come to think of it, he might just be the perfect candidate to fill Menino's clown shoes.

Thursday, December 04, 2008

Old Technology Making a Comeback?

What's the big deal?

The Detroit caravan to Washington begins. Earlier today, Ford CEO Alan Mulally announced he would pilot a Ford Escape Hybrid to Washington. Now, the Associated Press reports that GM chief Rick Wagoner will follow suit in a Chevrolet Malibu Hybrid.

The two will make the 520 mile trek to Washington later this week to ask Congress for $25 billion in government bailout loans.

Some friends and I took a drive from Boston to Toronto, roughly the same distance, nearly twenty years ago in a 1979 Malibu Hybrid station wagon.

It ran on equal parts gasoline and motor oil.

A Likely Story

Man Says He Accidentally Shot Wife During Sex

Police in Springfield, Ohio, are investigating after a man claimed to have accidentally shot his wife during sex.

Timothy Havens told police he was reaching for something on the night stand when the pistol went off, hitting his wife, Carolyn Havens, in the upper chest.

Yeah, right. Happens all the time.

Deputies took Timothy into custody for further questioning...

Translated: "Bartender, get this man a big glass of Sam Gerard."

Do you want to change you bullshit story, sir?

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Rhetorical Question of the Day

How could I have chosen to take my kids out of such a vibrant community?

Murder in Roslindale

Fawndale Road, Roslindale. Police responded to 911 calls around 1:16 a.m. reporting gunshots in the area of Fawndale Road.

Breaking and entering

Zeller Street, Roslindale. A report of a breaking and entering of a residence was called into police at 10 a.m.

Assault and battery

Cummins Highway, Roslindale. An assault and battery incident was called into police at 2:30 p.m. No arrests have been made.

Fawndale Road, Roslindale. Police arrested and charged Harold Curet, 158 Fawndale Road, Roslindale, with assault and battery at 3:43 p.m.

Beechland Street, Roslindale. Police arrested and charged Rick Brown, 8 Haverford St., Jamaica Plain, with assault and battery at 4:50 p.m.

Held up at knifepoint

Washington Street, Roslindale. At 10:16 p.m., police responded to a radio call for an armed robbery outside of 4443 Washington St. The victim stated a male, approximately 17 or 18 years old, approached him on the street and demanded money.

Deliveryman robbed at gunpoint

South Street, Roslindale. Police responded to a call from the Checkmate Café who reported one of their deliverymen was robbed at gunpoint while making a delivery around 10 p.m.

Police investigating fatal shooting in Roslindale

A 50-year-old man was shot to death early this morning in Roslindale, according to Boston Police.

Police found the victim at 710 Hyde Park Ave. at about 1 a.m. today.

The victim, who suffered a gun shot wound, was taken to the hospital and pronounced dead.

On the bright side, things haven't gotten worse.

January 2008: This Is Not Your Father's Roslindale

(link via Sir Adam of Roslindale at Universal Hub)

Damn, But I Love This Town

I'm just getting inside from putting the kids on the school bus, or should I say, the gas-guzzling Christofascist Propaganda Machine.

It was all decked out with actual Christmas decorations in the windows.

Pictures of reindeer (caged and abused animals).

Christmas trees (towering symbols of Christian domination).

Elves (vertically-challenged and exploited workers).

Santa Claus (don't even get me started on that slave driver).

It was a beautiful sight.

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Nice Touch

I just got my Christmas card "from the White House".

The envelope was postmarked out of Crawford, Texas.

UPDATE: I gotta ask. Has there been a Christmas card sent out by the White House over the last eight years, over which someone at the Huffington Post hasn't crapped his pants in a fit of righteous indignation?

Note: I'll give 'em this one. Someone clearly f***ed up there.

And, why do I have the sneaking suspicion that any religious imagery or references on the first Christmas card from the Obama White House will be overlooked entirely, or deemed "supremely tasteful and traditional"?

I'll have a scanned pic of this year's card up in a little bit. As I wrote in the comments:

Not that there's anything wrong with sending a more generic "holiday" card to recipients of various religious denominations. That's...


There's a (gasp!) wreath clearly visible on the picture on the front, and a decorative garland!


The BDS-afflicted lefties will surely pull out all the stops this year, seeing as it's their last chance to play the Bush Christmas card outrage card.

UPDATE II: Can't you just taste the oppression?

View From the Truman Balcony
The White House 2008

T. Allen Lawson
Oil on linen 28" x 20"

And, I just noticed that the paper this card is made from is only 30% recycled fiber!!! PLANET KILLER! [/bds]

If There's Any Justice In the World...

...the guy that came up with this is sitting on top of a large pile of cash.

I spent more time trying to find one of the 6,242 WD-40 straws I've got scattered about my garage, basement, truck, kitchen drawers, etc. than I did fishing my wedding ring out of a large pile of leaves.

Let's Play "Where Did She Go Wrong?"

From the Union Leader:

The woman, identified as Patricia Worsley, told police she took $280 out of an ATM on Amherst Street. The defendant then walked over to her and asked her for directions to the Exit 8 welcome center, court papers say.

Worsley told police she gave him verbal instructions and it looked like he didn't understand, so she offered him a ride. When she and Digianvittorio got to the park and ride he allegedly told her where to park then told her to get out of the car, showing her a "knifelike object," according to court papers.

Worsley said she asked Digianvittorio if he was serious and he allegedly told her he would kill her if she did not get out of the car, as he moved closer to her with the knife, court papers say.

She said she jumped out of the car and attempted to retrieve her purse which was on the back seat, but the accused backed up the Volkswagen Jetta, hitting her with the door and knocking her to the ground, according to court papers.

Looks like someone needs a refresher course.

On a related note, Bob Owens (The Confederate Yankee) has a good piece up about what it means to carry a concealed weapon, and how it affects the way you see the world.

It was also during this time that my carry class instructor’s “have a plan” speech began to make sense. Before I began carrying, I would be thinking about one issue or another as I carried out errands for my wife and kids, and couldn’t have told you much about what was going on around me. Because I was armed I felt a greater responsibility to be aware of my surroundings, noting where I was and who was around me. I wasn’t planning to kill anyone, but I was making sure that I minimized risk by being aware of what was going on.

Whether you are carrying a defensive weapon or not, simply by being aware of your surroundings and the people around you, you can significantly decrease the odds of becoming a victim.

And, because it bears repeating: The first rule of self-defense is to avoid places and situations where self-defense might be necessary.

Monday, December 01, 2008

Cruel and Unusual Punishment

Sure, she killed a couple guys on her farm, hacked 'em up and burned their remains. But forcing someone to become a Massachusetts resident?

Wouldn't that violate a person's Eighth Amendment rights?

UPDATE: Compare and contrast.

In Massachusetts, this is considered "cruel and usual".

CONCORD, N.H. -- A man charged with assaulting a teenage girl on numerous occasions over two weeks was ordered held on $2 million cash bail Monday.

Hypothetically Speaking, Of Course

Let's say you were looking to purchase a [Product X] for your kids for Christmas. After looking online at all the different models available, you settle on [Model Y] that's on sale at [Store X] for a real good price with free delivery.

A week or so later, UPS drops of your [Product X], and you discover that the store actually shipped you a [Model Z], a far superior [Product X] that sells online for about double what you had paid.

What would you...

Ah, screw it.

Pass the wrapping paper.

Your Daily Smile

From the New Hampshire town that reminds me of Easter dinner...

"Please pass the Effingham!"

Hold On To Your Hats and Buckle Your Seat Belts

You are about to read the most idiotic thing you'll read all week year.

OK, maybe it will end up being a tie between this story and yesterday's "tree butcher" nonsense. We'll have to wait for the judges' final decision on that.

The fact that this story is unfolding in New Hampshire has me on the edge of nausea.

HAMPTON, N.H. -- Town officials are considering making it harder to buy knives, Chinese throwing stars and other potential weapons from stores along Hampton Beach.

Chuck Rage, a commissioner with the Hampton Beach Village District, is proposing a warrant article that would require a background check to prevent felons from buying the items.

The weapons, which some store owners refer to as cutlery or martial arts equipment, have been sold by half a dozen stores at the beach for the last several years.

Store owners argued that most of their clients buy them as collector's items, but other residents complain that the items tarnish the beach's family friendly image.

As I commented on the WMUR site:

Finally, we will see an end to all the drive-by Chinese throwing star attacks that have been plaguing our fair state! A background check to buy a knife??? ARE YOU ****ING KIDDING ME? Move to Massachusetts if you want to live in a state that treats its citizens, no, scratch that, SUBJECTS like infantile wards of the state.

What kind of idiot thinks a law like that will prevent a violent felon from getting his hands on a sharp, bladed instrument?

I can go to Home Depot, buy some metal stock and a grinder and mass produce more deadly knives in a weekend than these stores will sell all summer. This is the most idiotic thing I've heard in a LOOOOONG time!

Realistically, I don't see this nutcake's proposal going anywhere, but it saddens me, nonetheless, that I have to share my breathing air with people like this.