Happy New Year, Johnny!

And congratulations!

Center fielder Johnny Damon ties knot in Florida

BOSTON -- Red Sox center fielder Johnny Damon married girlfriend Michelle Mangan in Florida Thursday in an affair attended by stars of the sports, television and music worlds.

It was the second marriage for the 31-year-old Damon, whose 5-year-old twins from the first -- Madelyn and Jackson -- served as flower girl and ringbearer.

Red Sox teammates Doug Mientkiewicz, Mike Timlin, Kevin Millar, Bronson Arroyo and Kevin Youkilis were among the 175 guests at Orlando's Ritz Carlton Grande Lakes Hotel. AC/DC lead singer Brian Johnson and celebrity chef Todd English also attended.

Sweet.

And HAPPY NEW YEAR to all of you who have made the effort to visit my humble blog over the last nine months or so.

Be safe. See you in '05!

Upon Reflection - vol. 3

This seems appropriate given the pending New Years Eve festivities, which if I recall correctly, tend to involve massive amounts of alcohol consumption.

On Planning Ahead

When sitting down with friends for an evening of drinking games, be sure to have ample quantity of beverage available. The alternative can be less than desirable, especially as the evening's winding down and you think you might want to get SOME sleep before the sun comes up. Case in point:

Friend who shall remain nameless: "OK, Bruce, for making me do the shots of Tabasco Sauce and ketchup, you have to eat 20 chocolate covered espresso beans."

Fools and Their Money

From Kevin at Wizbang:

The Green and Libertarian parties paid $113,600 for a recount in Ohio which helped John Kerry gain a net increase of 285 votes. That works out to an expenditure of $399 per vote, money neither the Greens, the Libertarians, nor the Kerry's paid. Kerry supporters, who where either lead to believe or believed in spite of reality, pitched in by the thousands online to raise that money.

From the AP story:

The recount shows Bush winning Ohio by 118,457 votes over John Kerry (news - web sites), according to unofficial results provided Tuesday to The Associated Press by the 88 counties. Lucas County, home to Toledo, was the last to finish counting.

To recap: With a net gain of 285 votes at a cost of $113,600 per recount, and each recount taking eight weeks to complete, Kerry could have the presidency wrapped up by the year 2068 after only 416 more recounts. He just needs to come up with the $47,257,600 and it's "Oval Office, HERE WE COME!" Oh wait, that was Bill Clinton's motto.

No matter, "LOVEY! Pass the checkbook!"

God Bless Southie

One more update on Mayor Menino's latest crusade against the good people of South Boston.

Southie resident, Frances Rizzo, gets it.

"I think it's ridiculous," said Rizzo of the city's efforts. The mayor's "got a driveway, what does he care?"

Menino's henchspokesman, does not.

"This is something that works for all the citizens of our city [who want to leech off the hard work of their neighbors and expect to be rewarded for their apathy and lack of respect for others]," said Menino's spokesman, Seth Gitell.

And a picture is worth 1,000 words, or in this case, four.

Hey, Mayor! Move this!

Excuse me, Abdul, you dropped something.

Commish wants your help in fighting terror: Top cop out to clean up city

Enlisting neighborhood crime fighters in the war against terror and turning the tide on a homicide wave will have Police Commissioner Kathleen O'Toole's undivided attention in the coming year.

Yeah, as cool as that might sound, I'm predicting little success on this front. Reason #347: it is illegal for Massachusetts residents to possess a slingshot. Our Attorney General (and governor wanna-be, Tom Reilly, put them, along with Chinese throwing stars and other "killing machines", on the state's list of banned "dangerous weapons", and even went so far as to direct the local Toys R' Us stores take the plastic toy slingshots off the shelves. Must have been that rash of drive-by throwing star and slingshot attacks a few years ago. Oh, the horror.

Hey, stop rolling your eyes! I'm trying to be serious here. Let's read on, shall we?

Eighteen of the city's 64 homicide victims to date this year were teenagers or younger - more than a fourth. The majority of those murdered - 49 - were shot to death, though overall gun-related crime was down 8 percent from last year at the end of October.

Ever notice how when the gun-related crime rate goes down, it will be held up like a great beacon of victory, highlighting the success of our draconian "common-sense" gun control measures. But if the gun-related crime rate goes up, it means that gun control works, we just need to do more of it. Trust us, we're from the government and we're here to help.

Besides, it's clearly the fault of the neighboring states where the guns are coming from in massive waves to flood the streets of our inner cities. Funny how the streets of Lincoln, Weston, and Sudbury never seem to be awash with illegal firearms. You'd think they'd be everywhere.

Now if only these uneducated, bible-thumping, AshKKKroft-loving, redneck states (like Vermont) would just follow our lead, then we could finally realize our dreams of creating the ultimate Utopian la-la land, where you could drive your Prius into Southie and park wherever you wanted, even if you didn't shovel out that parking space.

You see, that's the beauty of gun control. It works no matter what. Logical thinkers need not apply.

Seriously, It's Time to MOVE ON, People!

From the Boston Globe comes this charming tale of a small group of reality-challenged moonbat holdouts taking up residence on the sidewalk outside John Kerry's home - sorry, that's John Kerry's family's home - in Louisburg Square.



Group holds fast to Kerry cause with Beacon Hill vigil

The election is long over. A new year is starting, and even most of the more ardent liberals are moving on. But in Louisburg Square this week, one determined group isn't quite ready to let go. About a half dozen supporters of John Kerry are holding vigil in front of his house, still hoping for a Kerry presidency.

Knock yourselves out, folks, whatever buckles your Birks. But, you DO realize how utterly silly you look, right? On second thought, don't answer that.

The little knot of demonstrators, calling themselves the Coalition Against Election Fraud, stood shivering in the cold yesterday, hoisting signs and pressing fliers into the hands of bewildered passersby.

[snip]

"Who knows? Maybe we'll overturn the election," said Sheila Parks, a vigil organizer.

Yeah, and maybe I'll wake up tomorrow morning to discover I've acquired the unique ability to shit gold ingots. Who knows? It could happen, man.

Parks said the group believes the election was fixed and wants to persuade the Massachusetts senator to oppose congressional approval of the electoral college results Jan. 6. That would set in motion the process of questioning George W. Bush's victory in November.

Set it in motion? Just what do you think you idiots have based your very existence on for the last four years?

Parks, who years ago legally changed her surname to that of the famed civil rights activist Rosa Parks, plans to take her group to Washington, D.C., next week to push her cause.

No word yet on whether she plans to take her group to Washington state to contest the shenanigans being undertaken by the campaign staff of Democrat gubernatorial candidate Christine Gregoire and the King County election officials.

Just to be clear, I fully support their right to carry on in however ridiculous a fashion as they see fit, just as I expect them to support my right to call them a bunch of raving lunatic whackknobs.

(link via JawsBlog)

UPDATE (12/30/04): I'll be damned if I don't have the smartest readers on the internet. From Jay G. in the comments section of this post:

Hire these people to picket in Southie, standing in people's parking spaces!!!

Think about it: The people in Southie get to save their parking spaces, these raving moonbats get to wave their signs; everybody's happy!

And yes, Jay, I'm on the phone to Oslo as we speak.

Nomination Deadline Two Days Away

The competition is really heating up in the closing days of eligibility for the 2004 Dumbass of the Year Award, with this strong candidate getting his entry in with just days to spare.

Man Admits Hate Crime Attack Was False

INDEPENDENCE, Mo. -- Police said a 22-year-old man was charged with filing a false report about a hate crime.

Floyd Elliott, of Independence, told police that on Dec. 14, two subjects attacked him in the parking lot of his apartment complex. He said the attackers cut him in the stomach, branded him with a hot knife, and attempted to carve the word "Fag" on his forehead.

Investigators were suspicious about the report because the head carving was backwards, as if done while looking into a mirror.

The hat alone might just put him over the top in the final vote count.

(link via Michelle Malkin)

Knuckleheads in the Knews

It's "Three Dumbasses For The Price of One" day at the Boston Globe - from today's New England in Brief.

First up, this candidate for the Mother of the Year Award:

A 4-year-old girl was safe last night after an inadvertent kidnapping that occurred while she slept in the vehicle while her mother ran an errand on Cummins Highway.

Next, this graduate from the Cape Cod College of Aeronautics:

Four town residents were treated for carbon monoxide poisoning Monday night at Falmouth Hospital after a generator operating in a basement filled a house with dangerous levels of the toxic gas, which is colorless, odorless, and tasteless.

And last, but not least, my very own State Representative demonstrating her love and compassion for terrorists, cop killers, and torturous murderers, as she expresses her concerns over Mitt Romney's proposed death penalty legislation.

"I don't believe it's possible to be 100 percent certain, no matter what you do. Humans are fallible," said Representative Elizabeth Malia, Democrat of Boston.

Of course, Liz would have seen to it that Dahmer got house arrest and placement into a culinary arts job training program. Or that Timmy McVeigh got a job working for a demolition contractor.

I think Admiral Jim Stockdale said it best, "Why am I here?"

Don't Mess With Texas Southie

As Mayor Menino is soon to find out, when you mess with the people of South Boston (see previous post), your likely to find yourself staring down the barrel of, uh, well, a barrel.

Mayor, make my day: Kelly dares Menino to take his barrel

South Boston City Councilor Jimmy Kelly has thrown down the barrel - drawing a line in the snow as he resists City Hall's plan to end the decades-old neighborhood practice of saving parking spaces after snowstorms.

"I spent three hours shoveling a spot out Monday morning and I will be outraged if someone comes down and takes the barrel out from my spot," Kelly railed. "I'm sure there will be a lot of other people outraged who put a lot of sweat equity into shoveling out their cars."

Trying to quell widespread reports of violence and vandalism related to post-storm parking space hoarding, city workers this morning began rounding up chairs, cones and other debris lining snowy Hub streets.

"There's violence out there," Mayor Thomas M. Menino said. "People have had their tires slashed, windows broken. There's been real problems with the parking spaces."

And this latest brainfart from Hizzonner will solve this HOW exactly?

Seems to me the only beneficiary of this policy will be a handful of freeloaders looking to take advantage of the hard work of others. But each according to his need, right? After all, this is Massachusetts.

"The city didn't come down and shovel my car out. I did and thousands of other people around the city did the same thing," Kelly said. "Someone digging their spot out is a traditional situation. I think the city ought to allow that neighborhood tradition to continue."

Jimmy, have you forgotten already? Perhaps you need to pull out your copy of the Mumbles Manifesto for a little review session. The streets belong to EVERYBODY.

Fearless Leader Speaks

When do you think was the last time Mumbles had to shovel his own car out from under a foot of snow and still try to make it to work on time that day? And do you think he ever had to park a 10-minute walk away from his house because some jackass tossed his lawnchair and parked in his shoveled-out spot?

I'm thinking no, on both counts.

Boston Removing Parking Space Savers Wednesday
Mayor Says Streets Belong To Everyone

BOSTON -- It's a winter ritual in Boston whenever the snow starts piling up.

City residents employ creative ways to save their parking spaces once they dig out their cars. Chairs and cones are just some of the items people use to keep others away.

But beginning Wednesday at 10 a.m., Mayor Tom Menino said the city's public works crews will begin taking the markers away.

Menino said the streets belong to everyone, not just those who shovel out parking spots.

Sweet! As a Boston homeowner, I'll now be anxiously awaiting my City of Boston parking meter revenue year-end dividend check.

In the mood for a little experiment? Park your car on the street in front of the Mayor's house and then go away on vacation for, say, two weeks. What are the odds your car will still be there when you get back? To whom, would you hazard to guess, would that particular stretch of street belong?

Now if anyone wants to drive around my neighborhood in the middle of the summer and take the cones and folding chairs from the people on my street who pull that shit all year long, be my guest.

10Hz is 10Hz, eh.

Now I enjoy spotting filmmakers' errors in continuity or geography as much as the next guy, but if I EVER utter anything this anal upon exiting a movie theater, you have my permission to slap the living piss out of me.

From the Internet Movie Database goofs page for The Bourne Supremacy:

Errors in geography: In the opening minutes of the film, Bourne has his nightmare in Goa and goes to the bathroom. We hear the fluorescent lamp ballast (choke) buzzing at 60Hz, however if Bourne is in Goa, India like the film says then it should be buzzing at 50Hz.

For the love of God, WHO NOTICES THIS? It's a MOVIE! Let it go, people.

(10 bonus points for the post title reference)

Instapunkdit

Glenn Reynolds on Green Day:

Johnny Ramone crapped bigger than these guys, and everybody knows it.

True dat.

WE HAVE A WINNER!!!

Drumroll, please.

The "Absolutely, Without Question, the Most Ridiculous, Asinine, Ass-headed News Item of the Year" award goes to the Young Middle Magnet School of Mathematics, Science & Technology in Tampa, Florida.

From the school's December newsletter (the on-line link for which curiously directs you to their November newsletter) comes this warning to parents and students (as reported by the St. Petersburg Times):

"There have been recent incidences of students at our school using rubber bands as a method of projecting objects at other people. The students refer to some of the projectile objects as "wasps.' Occasionally, students are using their fingers to project the wasps. These activities have resulted in injured students.

"Rubber bands are not permitted at school. If students are in possession of rubber bands for any reason they will be subject to consequences that may include out of school suspension. When rubber bands are required for classroom use, they will be provided and collected."

Here's the link to the administrators page of the school's website. Apparently, Ms. Durant, the school's principal, is not required to wear the official "Association of Academic Asshelmets" t-shirt so proudly worn by her underlings.

(original link via KABA)

Something's Not Right Here

I'm going to defer from making any final comments on this Boston Herald story until more facts come to light, but it's not going to bode well for the future of gun owners' rights in the City of Boston, I can tell you that much.

Pump rage fuels gun charges
By Franci Richardson
Sunday, December 26, 2004

A swap of irritating jabs over pumps at a South Bay gas station turned into a Christmas Day assassination attempt yesterday when a 23-year-old man allegedly fired a gunshot into the car of a man with whom he was arguing, police said.

"Assassination attempt"? Well, Ms. Richardson, I'm glad to see there's no editorializing of the news taking place at the Boston Herald these days. [/sarcasm]

Ricardo Rivera, 23, of Dorchester, was arrested on a number of charges including assault with intent to murder. He was nabbed after a driver followed the suspect and called police, said Trooper David Parsons.

Though I can't say it's sounding much like a clear-cut case of self-defense either.

It all began about 3:30 p.m. when the victim pulled into the Roxbury gas station to find a Ford Explorer hogging the pumps.

"Hogging the pumps"? How exactly does one "hog the pumps" at the gas station. Did this guy swipe his credit card at three pumps and jam all three nozzles into his tank? Get a grip, people. Is it that difficult a concept to understand? If you pull up behind someone at the pumps and start filling your tank, and the person in front of you finishes pumping his gas and leaves, you are not "hogging the pumps". It happens all the time for Christ's sake.

The victim, whose identity was withheld by police, admitted to honking at the suspect, who told him to "go the (expletive) around" his car.

No shit, you moron. That's what you're supposed to do when someone is blocking access to the gas pumps in the front - you "drive the fuck around"! Do you actually think that honking your horn is going to enlighten this individual to the fact that your constitutional right to use the closest available gas pump is being violated, prompting him to stop filling his tank and move forward one spot so that you can have your way? Where are you from?

A nasty exchange ensued and Rivera allegedly pulled out his .22-caliber semi-automatic handgun and fired it into the door of the victim's Ford Explorer. The victim was not injured. Rivera also was charged with assault and battery with a dangerous weapon, possession of marijuana and discharging a firearm within 500 feet of a building. He was licensed to carry a gun, Parsons said.

OK, I call bullshit here. There's no way in hell, given the ludicrous (and covertly racist) nature of firearms licensing laws in Massachusetts, and specifically the City of Boston, that a 23-year-old, Hispanic, male resident of Dorchester was issued an unrestricted Class "A" License to Carry (i.e. License to Carry a Concealed Weapon). To quote 'Joliet' Jake Blues, "No. Fucking. Way."

Rivera was held on $25,000 bail and will be arraigned tomorrow at Roxbury District Court.

Rest assured, this assclown will become the next poster child for the anti-gun movement in the Commonwealth. As if they need any additional inspiration. Screw 'em.

Walking in a Winter Wonderland

Well, you know it must be Christmas time in Boston when Mayor Menino embarks on his annual Christmas Eve walk down Geneva Avenue in Dorchester to greet the commoners and show everyone what a safe, crime-free utopia we live in. Of course, it helps that this little P.R. charade of his takes place in the middle of the day and has him "surrounded by an entourage" of armed police details and adoring media outlets.

A decade ago, one of the fatal gunshots that rang out frequently on Dorchester's Geneva Avenue claimed the life of an innocent grocery owner shot in a scuffle with a masked man over $4.

Yesterday, as Mayor Thomas M. Menino took his annual Christmas Eve walk down the street, the AMC grocer where Manuel Monteiro was shot is now a laundromat whose owner's biggest complaint is customers passing counterfeit $20s.

[snip]

"This area was riddled with a lot of violence," said Menino, surrounded by an entourage. "I wanted to give people assurance and make sure it's a safer place."

Gee, Mr. Mayor, it's too bad you didn't schedule your little stroll for 6:30 the following evening down on Barry Street in Dorchester. Mr. Baptiste's family sure could have used some of that "assurance" so generously doled out to the people of Boston via your little publicity stunt there.

A 26-year-old Dorchester father about to have Christmas dinner with his family was ambushed by a gang of three men who jumped out of the bushes and fired several shots at him and a friend as they sat in a car parked outside his house, police and friends say.

Or maybe you could have swung by the Madison Village projects in Roxbury with your entourage. There's another family who could use of your "assurance".

A Christmas Eve shooting left a young man in critical condition last night after suffering gunshot blasts to the chest in a Roxbury housing complex, police said.

Or maybe, you could have talked your entourage into staying out even later that night and swinging by Waverly Street in Roxbury to bring some of that cuddly, feel-good, holiday "assurance" to this gentleman before he bled to death on the streets of your "safe city".

Around 3 a.m. yesterday, the body of an older, unknown black man was found stabbed to death in the parking lot of Verizon offices on Waverly Street in Roxbury. His was the 64th homicide this year.

I'll understand though, if that would have interfered with your chestnut-roasting schedule.

Ob-la-di, ob-la-da. Happy new year, Boston.

Christmas: The Aftermath

Well, another Christmas come and gone. I hope all of you had a safe and happy one. Ours saw the coming together of family and friends for good food, fine drink, and plenty of Christmas cheer.

The highlights of our Christmas weekend - to be filed under "Simple Pleasures" - include:

My twin daughters (2-1/2 years old) in their red tartan plaid Christmas dresses opening their presents that Santa left for them under the "Miss-miss twee".

My wife's cooking - roast leg of lamb, ratatouille (I have no idea how to spell that), roasted garlic mashed potatoes (OK, I did the potatoes), and a chocolate pear tart, all washed down with a fine assortment of beer and wine. And VERY little for Sunday leftovers.

Spending Friday morning making pine cone birdfeeders with the girls - messy as all get out, but no one seemed to mind.

Giving my wife the 12-DVD Lord of the Rings Super-geek Extended Version Trilogy box set, so that she can live out her Viggo Mortensen infatuation, over and over and over again.

Getting from my wife the Faith Rewarded - The Historic Season of the 2004 Boston Red Sox DVD, and actually being able to watch it before she commandeered the DVD player for the next three weeks.

Watching the Patriots rebound from their embarrassing loss last week to Miami, and take the Jets to the woodshed, securing the #2 seed in the playoffs.

Well, that's all for now. I'll be posting the Christmas in Boston Weekend in Review post soon (and yes, we will be enacting the Dead Horse Beating Early Warning System).

NOTE: Post edited 12/28/04 - that 2nd paragraph was just too damn cheeseball.

Upon Reflection - vol. 2

On Hubris and Photographic Evidence

When: Summer of '92

Where: A miniature golf course just off the highway, somewhere in Connecticut.

Who: A carload of friends (a bit hungover) looking for a Roy Rogers.

Why: Sure seemed like a good idea at the time, of course.

What: "OK, whoever loses the next hole has to dry-hump the life-size fiberglass gorilla."

For 50 Bonus Points...

...and a gold star next to your name, what is it?

UPDATE: We have a winner.

Eric von Michigan (aka Eric Walli) has correctly identified the Brütül.

And with this tagline, his site definitely merits further investigation.

Randon sporadic updates from a photographer, musician, and right-leaning independent libertarian.

A Tale of Two Idiots

Twins swap clothes to free felon from jail

STOCKHOLM (Reuters) - A man has escaped from a Swedish jail after switching clothes with his identical twin brother, officials said Tuesday.

[snip]

The convict walked free from the jail after switching clothes and pretending to be his brother.

His brother then told wardens they now had the wrong man and his true identity was confirmed by fingerprinting. He was arrested for aiding a felon, but was also released a few hours later. He may face charges.

Sounds like a good plan, but only if the one left behind IN prison either plans on keeping his mouth shut, and the story implies they were both in on this scheme. Although I can't say I've ever been accused of praising Reuters as a fair and accurate source of information.

Seems to me that somewhere between their visions of Charles Darnay and Sir Bedevere, these guys got their wires crossed and came up with this brilliant plan.

BEDEVERE: Well, now, uh, Launcelot, Galahad, and I, uh, wait until nightfall, and then leap out of the rabbit, taking the French, uh, by surprise. Not only by surprise, but totally unarmed!
ARTHUR: Who leaps out?
BEDEVERE: U-- u-- uh, Launcelot, Galahad, and I, uh, leap out of the rabbit, uh, and uh...
ARTHUR: Ohh.
BEDEVERE: Oh. Um, l-- look, i-- i-- if we built this large wooden badger--

Nothing Shocking Here

Can't say I'm terribly surprised by this recent news from the U.S. Census Bureau:

The Census Bureau's annual population estimates showed the United States added another 3 million people in the last year for an overall population of just under 294 million.

The fastest growth came in the West and South, with states such as Nevada, Idaho, Utah and New Mexico leading the way as urbanites moved to rural areas, looking for room to spread out. The states have at least three things in common: affordable living, lots of outdoor recreation and plenty of space.

[snip]

Massachusetts was the only state that had a population decline - albeit down a slight 3,800 people, or 0.1 percent, to 6.41 million. Demographers speculated it could have been caused by an exodus of people leaving to escape rising costs in the Boston area.

Um, it's not just us morons still living in the Boston area. Do you think that, just maybe, the taxpayers in central and western Massachusetts as well are finally waking up and deciding they're sick and tired of having their elected officials throw their money down the shithole we call the Big Dig? No, that can't have anything to do with it. And surely it's not that people are beginning to realize that living in a state controlled solely by one political party, with a nasty habit of ignoring the will of the citizenry, just flat-out sucks - no, that can't be it.*

Also notable, the fastest population growth seems to be taking place in states full of gun-toting, psychopathic rednecks. Nine of the top ten states are "shall issue" for concealed carry permits. You'd think with all the "bloodbaths in the streets" promised us by Sarah Brady and her minons, there wouldn't be anybody left in these states to fill out a census form.

Third, the population growth of red states was just more than double that of the blue states (1.29% to 0.64%). All I can say is Hillary had better start working on her skeet-shooting skills. And while she's at it, she might want to order that barn jacket and from L.L. Bean now so she'll have plenty of time to break it in before the campaign photo-ops start.

*sidenote to Mutilate: no

Too Easy

And the "L" is for?

(link via Charles at LGF)

What's That Smell?

Oh, never mind. It's just Tom Brady stinking up the joint.

Don't Try This at Home, Kids

These people are highly-educated professionals. From Time Magazine on naming George W. Bush "Person of the Year":

For sticking to his guns (literally and figuratively), for reshaping the rules of politics to fit his ten-gallon-hat leadership style and for persuading a majority of voters that he deserved to be in the White House for another four years, George W. Bush is TIME's 2004 Person of the Year.

Perhaps he should consider switching his grips - maybe something in a smooth walnut finish.

Not only do they misuse the word 'literally' (which literally burns my ass), but they do so in conjunction with the word 'figuratively', further highlighting their sixth-grade writing skills. And these are people (yes, it apparently took two writers to come up with that sentence) who do this for a living. Yeesh.

Further, I don't think for one second Bush persuaded "a majority of voters that he deserved to be in the White House for another four years". There was a large block of voters in this country eager to vote for someone other than Bush, given a viable alternative, but that someone was definitely NOT the junior senator from Massachusetts.

The fact that Bush beat an out-of-touch, elitist, liberal, union-puppet, gun-banning, UN-rumpswab had VERY little to do with anything Bush was bringing to the table. It just happened the "Anybody But Kerry" contingency outnumbered the "Anybody But Bush" folks.

The NFC W(eak)est

This is just sad.

By BOB BAUM, AP Sports Writer
December 19, 2004

TEMPE, Ariz. (AP) -- The NFC West is so bad that a team with a losing record could win it -- even the Arizona Cardinals.

[snip]

If Arizona wins its last two, and both Seattle and St. Louis go 0-2, the Cardinals would take the division title at 7-9.

Meanwhile, the Patriots could finish the season at 15-1 and NOT have homefield advantage wrapped up through the playoffs.

In other NFL news, as if having games on Saturday wasn't enough, this week we get football on Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday. And I don't see any reason for Channel 4 (CBS) here in Boston not to broadcast the Ravens/Steelers game.

It's going to be a long weekend. And with the weather being what it is as of late, I had better start stocking up on canned goods.

What can I say? I celebrate diversity.

Upon Reflection - Inaugural Post *

On shotgunning a cold can of Coke:

Simple, my brother said I couldn't do it. I had no choice. Nor anything that could be remotely described as normal esophageal function for the 12 hours following, for that matter. But I showed him.

* Upon Reflection, the newest, quasi-regular series of posts here at mAss Backwards, in which I will be looking back through the years at things I have done, which at the time, might have actually seemed like a good idea (or at least not so stupid as to render me sterile or limbless).

More Christmas Celebrations Banned

But, this time it's a good thing.

Lifers won't be singing yuletide carols in state prisons for the first time in years under new party-ending rules issued yesterday by state correction officials.

Correction Commissioner Kathleen M. Dennehy sent new guidelines to prison superintendents banning all banquets, picnics and barbecues after complaints from a Charlestown murder victim's family.

"I don't think they should be rewarded for what they did - it's not an act of God, it's an act of murder," said Terry Titcomb, whose son, Albert, was murdered a decade ago. Titcomb's complaints in the Herald and to Gov. Mitt Romney about her son's murderer taking part in a holiday party at MCI-Norfolk inspired the ban.

"When they were convicted by a jury, no parties were included in that package," Titcomb said.

Sounds like a no-brainer if you ask me. I wasn't even going to bother blogging on this, but today's follow-up story in the Boston Herald is just priceless.

While they are now forbidden to have banquets, picnics and catered meals under a new Department of Correction edict, prisoners are stewing over guard parties at the prisons, including an annual barbecue.

"Our clients sit inside and smell steak on the grill while they are eating soy nuggets," said Leslie Walker, executive director of Massachusetts Correctional Legal Services. "The prisoners are locked in cells, the library is closed, visits are canceled, the prison shuts down."

Well cry me a fucking river! It's called INCARCERATION, you insufferable twit! If your "clients" enjoy barbecued steak so much, maybe they should have taken that into consideration before deciding to go out and murder someone. Fuck you and your soy nuggets!

Well, that's it for me for the week - no blogging over the weekend. See you Monday.

Best MasterCard Commercial Ever

Left Nut

Thanks, Mark.

Happy Endings

Store Clerk Shoots Suspected Robber In Head

Buchanan reportedly showed his gun, fired one shot, demanded money and threatened the five people inside the store.

That's when Nadim Shalamy, 71, shot the Buchanan in the head, killing him.

OK, you can stop clapping now. It's time to get serious again. Compare this glorious event to the robbery that took place just days earlier, mentioned at the bottom of that article.

Cleveland police are now looking into a shooting at Tony's Deli earlier in the week to find out if there is a connection. There were three gunmen involved in that shooting.

Rebecca Cordoves, 21, and Jorge Santiago were gunned down during a robbery at Tony's Deli Monday night.

Cordoves had two children, an 18-month-old and a 1-month old.

In one incident, a toddler and a baby will now grow up without a mother, having been orphaned by a heartless, violent, low-life piece of trash. In the other, an armed citizen defends himself against a heartless, violent, low-life piece of trash - saving additional innocent lives in the process. Guess which scenario the city supervisors of San Francisco are hoping to replicate and promote in their city.

Dianne, I thought it was all ABOUT THE CHILDREN!

UPDATE: Great minds think alike.

For the record - I was the one who mailed Kim the link to this story earlier today. We wrote our posts simultaneously. Didn't want to be accused of lifting his stuff.

What kind of a name is Poon?

In other news, next year will mark the 20th anniversary of the release of Chevy Chase's last halfway-decent movie. Although scientists have yet to determine the exact moment his acting career turned to shit, they're certain it was sometime after Fletch, and before Spies Like Us.

D.C. Envy

It seems some city supervisors in San Francisco are feeling a little down over being left out of the on-going battle between Chicago and Washington D.C. for the title of "Murder Capital of America".

San Francisco Supervisors Propose Gun Ban

SAN FRANCISCO - City residents will vote next year on a proposed weapons ban that would deny handguns to everyone except law enforcement officers, members of the military and security guards.

If passed next November, residents would have 90 days to give up firearms they keep in their homes or businesses. The proposal was immediately dismissed as illegal by a gun owners group.

The measure — submitted Tuesday to the Department of Elections by some city supervisors — would also prohibit the sale, manufacturing or distribution of handguns, and the transfer of gun licenses, according to Bill Barnes, an aide to Supervisor Chris Daly.

Firearms would be allowed only for police officers, security guards, members of the military, and anyone else "actually employed and engaged in protecting and preserving property or life within the scope of his or her employment," according to the measure.

Barnes said Wednesday the initiative is a response to the rising homicide rate and other social ills, noting: "We think there is a wide benefit to limiting the number of guns in the city."

I'm not even going to bother explaining just how utterly fucking retarded these people are.

Gun Owners of California, a Sacramento-based lobbying group, quickly called the ban illegal. Sam Paredes, the group's executive director, said state law bars local governments from usurping the state's authority to regulate firearms.

"The amazing thing is they are going to turn San Francisco into ground zero for every criminal who wants to profit at their chosen profession," Paredes said.

As they sow, so shall they reap.

Washington, D.C., is the only major American city that currently bans handgun possession by private citizens. Andrew Arulanandam, director of public affairs for the National Rifle Association, said San Francisco would be remiss to use that city as a model.

"If gun control worked, Washington, D.C., would be the beacon. However, it's the murder capital of the United States," he said.

Amazingly coherent and logical argument for such a thuggish, fascist, baby-killing, right-wing extremist organization.

So long, San Francisco. It was nice knowing you.

Help!

I'm having an identity crisis!

I AM 23% WHITE TRASH! I, my friend, have class. I am so not white trash. . I am more than likely Democrat, and my place is neat, and there is a good chance I may never drink wine from a box. Take the WHITE TRASH test at Fuali.com

I AM 20% HIPPIE! What? Am I a Republican? Why did I even bother taken this test?! I guess I’ll back to my George W. Bush fan club and tell them I just wasted 10 minutes of my life. At least I don’t stink, man. Take the HIPPIE test at Fuali.com

UPDATE: I'm also apparently 9% geek and 44% asshole. Those four all add up to 96%, so I guess that about does it, though I am a little curious as to what the remaining 4% could be.

More On Mumbles

A little post-election analysis from Natalie Jacobson's interview with The Great Orator of Readville:

Why Kerry Lost

I think, you know, a lot of people out there don't understand what government is all about, and there was no clear message about where we were going and how we were going to get there. The other part, the month of august when he got his head kicked in on the Vietnam situation. That was wrong. He was a hero. He got his medals and the other part of it is John Kerry, like him or not like him, he had that issue of likeability. That was a big issue he never overcame, and the Democratic Party was more united than every before, but we didn't get the message to the voters.

We were all on this level. We needed to get down to that level - to the voters in America, [snip]

You needed to get DOWN to the level of the voters in America??? And, you mean to tell me that your condescending, elitist attitude didn't play well in Oklahoma and Nebraska? I'm stunned. Why, that's got "popular appeal" written all over it.

...and I think we have to retool the Democratic Party and move forward and look at the message.

We can't be everything to everyone and the Republicans are well disciplined. They stay on message. We as the Democratic Party are everything. Everybody and anybody. We're for them.

Message received, Tom - loud and clear.

We should be for basic needs -- education, jobs, health care -- that's it. And when we got into all the other side issues -- we shouldn't do that.

Oh yeah. Those pesky "side issues".

George Bush, he stayed on message. Terrorism. The safety of the country. He never used the word housing. He very rarely said health care. Social security a couple of times. We couldn't get our message across. And we let the month of August -- the month that really hurt Dukakis hurt John Kerry. We didn't have a plan for after the convention.

I see we are disconnected from the rest of the country. We are more progressive on some of the social issues out there today.

OK, so gay people can get married in Massachusetts, I have no problem with that. But if some gay-bashing asshole wants to beat the living shit out of them, our mayor and elected representatives are doing everything they can to ensure that they will be stuck with no legal, effective means of self-defense. How exactly is that "progressive"?

I'm concerned about people not caring about other people. My business is all about helping people, and I just wonder where that mindset is in the Midwest, and where those people are coming from. Why aren't they so concerned about health care, housing and education? What's their mindset about themselves?

Gee, don't know. It couldn't be that they're afraid of the government taking everything over and fucking it all up, could it? And as far as this horseshit goes about people in the Midwest "not caring about other people", let me ask you this. Where would you rather have your car break down? In a major city in California, New York, and New Jersey, or in Kansas, Nebraska, and Iowa?

I think we in the northeast have a different outlook on life than the people in the Midwest.

Yeah, you think your lives are better and more important than theirs, plain and simple.

They're more self-centered -- more about me, me, me and not about us. It's about me.

Oh, please. This from the guy who cried like a baby in '95 when he found out his name was left off the plaque to be unveiled at the dedication of the Ted Williams Tunnel, so he had a separate plaque made just for his name and title to hang underneath it.

But, it's those ignorant, uneducated, uncaring, child-neglecting, red-staters who are self-centered.

Now, for those of you keeping score at home, a recap of the reasons why Kerry Lost the election (text above in red):

1. There was no clear message
2. If there was, we didn't let folks know what it was.
3. But if we did, they'd be too stupid to get it.
4. We need to move forward and look at this message.
5. That message is "We are everything. Everybody and anybody. We're for them."

I personally thought Senator Kerry did a superb job as the party's bearer of that particular message. I don't know what the mayor's talking about here.

A Little Proofreading Please

Look, I know Mayor Menino, rightfully nicknamed "Mumbles", can be a tad difficult to understand at times, but that's no excuse for this most egregious error made by the person who transcribed his recent interview with Channel 5's Natalie Jacobson.

I think it's a good idea to do something like the walk of fame. Arrowsmith, Donna Summers been down there and performed here.

OK, MAYBE there has been a theatrical version of the Sinclair Lewis novel performed there sometime in the last 79 years, but I highly doubt it. I'm gonna chalk this up to some 'foreign-born intern' or 'over-65 employee who was given some busy work to keep him away from the aforementioned interns'.

And then there's this little-known fact:

The theater district is very important to us. Look at the Opera House, how that has come back. The renovations there are truly spectacular. The new theaters down in the south end Tremont Street. The Colonial has the Nutcracker, and the Wang has the Rockets.

I have to say, I thought Tracy McGrady and Yao Ming's rendition of "La Sylphide" last year was just fabulous.

And This Time We Mean It

Mayor takes action on Dudley Sq. vow

Vowing to revitalize Dudley Square after years of empty state promises, Mayor Thomas M. Menino said the city is moving to take a vacant furniture building that will be converted into municipal offices.

"We're trying to fulfill a commitment made by the last three governors to locate a government body in that area," Menino said. "It will help revitalize that area. It's about time we stepped in."

So, Tom, you say you want to "locate a government body in that area"? What say we start with your office? Or, better yet, the state legislators' offices? How about the Governor's office? The Attorney General's office? Any takers?

Thought so.

This, of course, begs the question: Since when is having a bunch of government hacks moving into your neighborhood a catalyst for improving the quality of life therein?

A plan to move 1,000 Department of Public Health workers into the long-dormant Ferdinand furniture building in the heart of Dudley Square fell apart under former governors Paul Cellucci and Jane M. Swift.

So obviously it's the Republicans' fault that Dudley Square is a run-down, crime-ridden shithole to which no one in their sane mind would relocate. One thing's for damn sure, should this plan comes to fruition, we're going to find out real quick which agencies rank the lowest on the Statehouse Hack-o-rama Influence Tally (S.H.I.T. List).

Sleeping With Bisect-ual Women

I think Dahmer may have had a pillow just like this?

No, wait. My bad. He had the "Drugged 14-year-old Asian Boy" model. What was I thinking?

(link via Drudge - but you probably knew that already)

Crime Without Guns? Who Knew?

How many times have you heard someone try to make this argument: You know, if we could just get rid of guns, we'd get rid of crime? Flat out, anyone who believes that is a delusional idiot, or a senator from California, New York, or Massachusetts.*

Now, who would have guessed? It seems an able-bodied, yet unarmed, male with violent intentions is no match for an unarmed elderly woman. Here are two more stories from just this past weekend. Note: neither of the assailants was carrying a gun. Nor were these two victims, thanks to our benevolent leaders and Massachusetts' "effective" gun control laws.

A homeless Lynn man was arrested yesterday and charged with being the bingo bandit who beat up a kindly old woman and took her $450 game winnings.

Police arrested Heath Kennedy, 31, yesterday afternoon, after he apparently was recognized from a video surveillance tape.

He is suspected of being the anonymous bingo volunteer who followed the night's 83-year-old winner home from St. Mary's on Nov. 30.

And to those who would have us simply just sit back, call 911, and wait for the police to come save us, I don't think so.

MIDDLEBORO — A man broke into a parish office on the grounds of the Sacred Heart Roman Catholic Church on Center Street early Saturday morning and attacked a woman while police listened on the emergency 911 line.

Police and church officials did not release the woman's name, however, the 911 call was played back for The Enterprise. The woman dialed 911 because a man was banging on the door and ringing the door bell at 1 a.m. and she told police she didn't want to turn on a light.

"I don't know what's going on ... I'm afraid," she said. Suddenly screams erupted and the petrified woman yelled, "Oh, God!"

The telephone receiver was muffled and the screaming continued. At this point police said the man kicked in the woman's door and grabbed her by the throat.

Police said the screaming continued and then began to fade as the woman escaped and ran out into the street screaming for help as the attacker chased her and then fled.

Police were on the scene within two minutes of the call and 20-minutes later William C. Ford was captured by officer David A. Beals Jr., with the help of a neighbor who was watching out his window.

Channel 5 has the kicker:

Ford was taken to Tobey Hospital. His arraignment was delayed because he complained of a leg injury.

Oh, you poor widdle baby! Did snookums hurt his widdle weg while he was kicking the door off its hinges, beating up that old wady, and chasing here down the stweet? Wet daddy kiss your boo-boo.

*This sentence may not be reproduced or rebroadcast without expressed, written consent from The Redundant Department of Redundancies.

Restaurant Reviews in Five Words or Less

Even the gristle was good.

Another Weekend in Meningrad

From the Boston Herald this morning come these lovely bits of news.

Gunfire from a nightclub squabble on Boylston Street barely missed a 2-year-old girl passing by in a car early yesterday, according to witnesses and police.

A jilted lover with two bullets in a handgun threatened to kill his ex-girlfriend and infant son, police said yesterday.

Police surrounded the home of Anthony J. Davis early yesterday morning, and after a brief standoff he surrendered.

Davis, 22, was to be arraigned today in Dorchester District Court on a laundry list of charges including: discharge of a firearm within 500 feet of a building, unlawful possession of a firearm, breaking and entering, possession of ammunition and possession of a high capacity feeding device.

Police were called to his ex-lover's home around 8 p.m. Saturday for reported gunshots. When they arrived, Davis' ex-girlfriend told them Davis was gone. She said he was angry about the new man in her life and had called her earlier saying he was coming from his Mattapan Street home to "lay the whole family down in the house."

There are a whole lot of folks in Boston, one a 2-year-old girl, who are alive today because of sheer, blind luck, NOT because of Massachusetts' "common-sense" gun control laws. And certainly not because of Mayor Menino's "Urban Residents Disarmament Policy".

Accurate, Non-biased Gun Reporting?

First, read this post (and watch the video) from Kevin at Smallest Minority for one of the most egregious examples I've ever seen of blatant anti-gun reporting by the mainstream media. And people wonder why MSNBC's ratings are in the pooper.

Now, check out this article from the Boston Herald and tell me what's missing?

Police recover rifle believed to be weapon in Amherst murder
By Associated Press
Friday, December 10, 2004

AMHERST, Mass. - Police say they have found the rifle they believe was used to kill the 22-year-old University of Massachusetts student who was allegedly slain by a friend.

Northwestern First Assistant District Attorney Renee Steese said investigators found a Colt .223 rifle Thursday evening in a field near the Connecticut River in Hadley. The gun was being tested by forensic experts on Friday, Steese said.

"We believe it's the weapon that was used in the murder," she said.

Bryan Johnston, 23, of Westfield, has been charged with murdering David Sullivan earlier this week in Sullivan's off-campus apartment in Amherst. Police have not offered a motive.

A police report says the two had an altercation sometime before the shooting, but officials would not say what the fight was about. The two men had gone to high school together in the Berkshire County town of Washington.

When police found Sullivan's body early Tuesday morning, they also recovered six .223-caliber shell casings.

The answer, in the unlikely event no one figures it out, will be posted tomorrow. I strongly suspect the local media outlets will be correcting this "omission" as soon as it is brought to their attention.

From the Boston Driver's Handbook

Green means GO.
Yellow means GO FASTER
Red means FLOOR IT!

As the Globe Spins

Maybe I'm just a cynic at heart, but as soon as I saw this Boston Globe headline...

Amputation rate for US troops twice that of past wars

...my first thought was, "OK, but how many of those injuries in wars past would have resulted in soldiers bleeding out and dying on the battlefield?"

Sure enough, two paragraphs in:

The data are the grisly flip side of improvements in battlefield medicine that have saved many combatants who would have died in the past: Only 1 in 10 US troops injured in Iraq has died, the lowest rate of any war in US history.

God forbid the story and the headline should focus on that aspect. That might result in an increase in popular support for the Bush administration. We can't have that now, can we?

Oh, THAT liberal media.

And how's this for defective perspective?

"The death rate isn't great compared to Vietnam, Korea, and World War II. But these soldiers are coming back to their communities and people are seeing just how high the price is that these young people are paying,"

As opposed to what people were seeing when soldiers were being sent home in boxes by the thousands? Good grief.

UPDATE: Even CNN (and the Associated Press) gets it right:

Report: 9 in 10 survive wounds in Iraq

(AP) -- For every American soldier killed in Iraq, nine others have been wounded and survived -- the highest rate of any war in U.S. history.

When Over-rated is an Understatement

Can someone PLEEEASE explain to me how Lenny Kravitz made it in the music business, as a musician? Every time he churns out a new "hit", all I can think of is a bunch of 12-year-olds coming out of their first half-hour guitar lesson and trying to write bad rock tunes.

I was unlucky enough to catch him on some late night talk show a few nights ago. I nearly pulled my hair out thinking that this guy is fabulously wealthy as a direct result of his "talent", while I have to get up at 6:00 every morning and go to work at a real job.

Here now are some of the lyrics from his current single "Lady" (the originality of that title is enough to make anyone swoon).

Yeah
Don't you know she blows my mind
All the time
And she makes me feel good
Like a real woman should
Yeah
All the time
Yeah
Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Combine these brilliant lyrics with the "chucka chucka chucka chucka" novice-guitarist bar chords he spews out in a flacid display of musical masturbation, and you've got one top-notch Spinal Tap audition tape going on.

And, here's a taste of his Grammy-winning "Fly Away":

I want to get away
I want to fly away
Yeah yeah yeah

I want to get away
I want to fly away
Yeah yeah yeah

I got to get away
Feel I got to get away
Oh oh oh yeah

I want to get away
I want to fly away
Yeah with you yeah yeah
Oh Yeah !

I want to get away
I want to fly away
Yeah with you yeah yeah
I got to get away

I want to get away X4
Yeah
I want to get away
I want to fly away
Yeah with you yeah yeah
I got to get away

I want to get away X4
Yeah

I want to get away
I want to fly away
Yeah with you
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

Good thing, they added the "X4" in there. Otherwise, people might get the impression that the lyrics are too repetitive.

For the Football Fanatics

Here's a quick look at the current postseason scenarios.

AFC East

The Patriots can clinch division title with:
1) Win and Jets loss

The Patriots can clinch playoff berth with:
1) Win or tie
OR
2) Ravens loss or tie
OR
3) Broncos loss or tie
OR
4) Steelers win or tie

The Jets can clinch playoff berth with:
1) Win and Bills loss or tie and Broncos loss and Chargers win or tie
OR
2) Win and Bills loss or tie and Broncos loss and Ravens win or tie

AFC North

The Steelers can clinch division title with:
1) Win or tie
OR
2) Ravens loss or tie

The Steelers can clinch playoff berth with:
1) Broncos loss or tie

AFC South

The Colts can clinch division title with:
1) Win
OR
2) Tie and Jaguars loss or tie

NFC East

The Eagles have clinched the NFC East.

The Eagles can clinch first-round bye with:
1) Win or tie
OR
2) Packers loss or tie
OR
3) Falcons win or tie

NFC South

The Falcons can clinch division title with:
1) Falcons win or tie
OR
2) Bucs loss or tie and Panthers loss or tie

And, with a combined total of six, count 'em, SIX wins between them...

Cleveland, Miami and San Francisco have been eliminated from playoff contention.

No shit, Sherlock Shula.

Also notable, it is still possible for the powerhouse NFC West to end up a three-way tie with the Seahawks, Rams, and Cardinals all finishing the season at 6-10 (Rams would win the tie-breaker). Woo hoo.

Last, but not least, we return to the the world of politics for the funniest line I've come across from the recent coverage of the Washington governor's race recount fiasco:

The Seattle Seahawks tied the Dallas Cowboys last night, 43 - 39.

And, as always, GO PATS!

And the Award For...

...the most predictable follow-up story goes to the Boston Herald for this piece on the locals' reaction to the recent shooting of an armed robber by a gas station attendant in Medford.

We'll begin with the voices of reason:

What he did was justice," neighbor Pat Darrigo said of Walid "Wally" Awad, who pulled a gun from his coat and fired five to eight rounds at the masked duo who allegedly held him up at Fred's Gas Auto Service on Mystic Avenue on Tuesday night.

"He's a hero," another neighbor said of Awad, 32, who was identified by a local gas station owner. "He took charge of his own safety."

"In this case, he did the right thing," said Gorges, who called Awad a "nice guy."

And then there's folks like Abby here:

"It's wrong. You're supposed to give them the money, let them go, get a description. No blood," said Abby Fayed, owner of the nearby Harvard Street Garage, which was held up by a teen a year ago.

Since I'm a nice guy, Abby, I'm going to save you the trouble of scrolling down a couple posts. Abby, meet Danielle...

The 22-year-old fashion student from Parma, Ohio was gunned down in a violent armed robbery at a Subway shop off West Hillsborough Avenue Saturday night; she died hours later.

The chilling surveillance tapes captured footage of the bandits brandishing guns, almost from the moment they rushed into the store.

"Why couldn't they have just left her alone? She was so tiny and so petite and she was non-confrontational. She wouldn't have hurt a fly -- why couldn't they have just let her be?" Kerr wondered.

...and Jamie.

An Ohio man was arrested in West Virginia after abducting a convenience store clerk, shooting her 10 times and leaving her to die along a county road, police said yesterday.

[snip]

Jefferson County Sheriff Fred Abdalla said Hightower waited for the clerk, Jamie Kelly, 25, in the darkened rear parking lot of Merrin's Market in Amsterdam.

Hightower jumped Kelly just after 10 p.m., closing time, Abdalla said. He forced her into her car, demanded money and shot her when they arrived at a remote area along a county road in East Springfield, Abdalla said.

Kelly was found by a passerby. She managed to give police a description of her assailant and the car before she died yesterday at 3:52 a.m. at Allegheny General Hospital. Abdalla said she left behind a 5-year-old daughter.

I'm sure I'll update this as I get around to reading more local coverage of this story.

Moving Up Over

Not to make light of this young man's death, but this is like moving from Cambridge to Brookline - to get away from the liberals.

Derrick Edwards separated himself from the streets, even moving from East Boston to Brockton to get away from the violence, his family said yesterday.

Lessons Learned (?)

Are you sitting down? Good. Now take a deep breath before reading this story of what happened at the Fred's Gas Station in Medford last night.

MEDFORD -- A gasoline station attendant shot a would-be robber several times last night after pulling his own gun on two men attempting to hold up the Mystic Avenue station, police said.

So, in two days, we have two separate incidents involving would-be armed robbers finding themselves on the receiving end of legally-owned firearms in the hands of citizens willing and able to defend themselves. End result: two perforated bad guys (damn lucky to be drawing breath today) facing armed robbery charges, and two citizens unharmed and back at work.

What's not too like? Well, there's this bit:

Although it was unclear late last night whether charges would be filed against the attendant, whom police did not identify, police Lieutenant Paul Covino said the Fred's Gas attendant may have been justified in shooting at the two men.

"It looked like self-defense," he said last night. The gun was registered to the attendant, who was licensed to carry a firearm, police said.

No, Lieutenant, the attendant WAS justified in shooting at the two men, and it WAS self-defense. Remember Karen Smith? Now compare and contrast:

Subway clerk mourned as police release video of gunmen

TAMPA - As family and friends gather to remember the victim of a deadly robbery, police may have gotten a break in their search for the gunmen who walked into a sandwich shop and opened fire.

[snip]

The 22-year-old fashion student from Parma, Ohio was gunned down in a violent armed robbery at a Subway shop off West Hillsborough Avenue Saturday night; she died hours later.

Ohio man arrested in killing of store clerk

An Ohio man was arrested in West Virginia after abducting a convenience store clerk, shooting her 10 times and leaving her to die along a county road, police said yesterday.

And these two stories are just from the last week or so. Remember, just give them the money and do what they say. Yeah, right, be a good little victim - maybe you'll die quick. Tell that to the families of these young women.

PC: Ph**k Christmas

It is downright pathetic what the Christmas holiday season has become, courtesy of the PC police, in the name of "sensitivity". What's that, you say? Your boss put up a Christmas tree or a menorah in the lobby and you're offended? Jesus Christ! Get over it! It's a fucking decoration!

Cases in point:

The Sarasota Herald Tribune says some schools in Florida are so worked up over the thought of anything smacking of Christianity appearing in classes that they are banning seasonal celebrations altogether.

In this year’s winter concert at Freedom Elementary School in East Manatee students will be singing about America and patriotism instead of about C-----mas and the holidays. Even snowflakes are verboten among the classroom decorations.

"There's a lot of rules and regulations out there," said Freedom Principal Gary Holbrook. "You're trying to be respectful of everyone."

And, closer to home (same link):

The mayor of Somerville, Mass., has to issue a written apology for daring to refer to the city’s upcoming celebration as a "Christmas party," reports the Somerville Journal.

Mayor Joe Curtatone's apology statement said: "A press release issued from my office last week mistakenly identified this month's City Holiday Party as a 'Christmas Party.' I apologize for the mistake and to anyone who was offended by it. On Dec. 21, City Hall will welcome the entire community to a party honoring all holiday traditions and celebrating this most festive of seasons."

I also heard on the radio recently (no confirmation of this) of one local school putting on a stage version "How the Grinch Stole the Holiday". WTF??? These are but a few examples that have come to light in the last few days. To find and post them all would take me the better part of the week.

Do you long for a taste of the good old days? Check out the opening verse of "The Twelve Days After Christmas", performed on stage by my class in elementary school (granted, this WAS in Maine in the mid-70's).

The Twelve Days After Christmas

The first day after Christmas, my true love and I had a fight,
And so I chopped the pear tree down and burned it just for spite.
Then with a single cartridge I shot that blasted partridge
My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me.

Let's see - we have a Christian holiday, domestic violence, tree-killing, carcinogenic air pollution, firearms, and the slaughter of innocent animals - and that's just the FIRST VERSE. Ooooh, I'm feeling woozy...call the ACLU.

One guess as to who played the role of the disgruntled bird-killer.

Don't despair, folks. There are still pockets of sanity and common sense out there. You just have to look for them.

UPDATE: From Boston Herald columnist, Margery Eagan:

Up in a Beverly elementary school, "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" is now "How the Grinch Stole the Holidays" and Santa is not Santa but the holiday fairy.

I'm gonna be ill.

Desmond Caught a Bullet in the Marketplace

File this one under "Must-See TV":

The Franklin County sheriff's department says Desmond Thompson walked into a Sunoco station on Cleveland Avenue around 7:30 Sunday morning, and told the clerk he had a gun while demanding cash.

The cashier gave him the money, but pulled a gun and shot Thompson when he told her to step out from behind the counter.

Here's the surprise ending...

Detective McEvoy said Thompson has a previous criminal record in Michigan.

UPDATE: NBC4 out of Columbus has more:

(Store clerk, Karen) Smith told Hollingsworth that she had never fired a gun before in her life.

Good shot, Karen! Here's a shot of this nice young man flailing around on the floor while considering a career change.

Apartment #26, You Say?

Here's a lovely story out of Framingham from yesterday's MetroWest Daily News:

FRAMINGHAM -- A Framingham man with a violent past is being held on $7,500 bail after he allegedly grabbed his girlfriend of eight months by the neck and bit her under her left eye early yesterday morning.

For the second time since October, Eric C. Newlon, 36, of 555 Worcester Road, Apt. 26, is behind bars for allegedly assaulting his 38-year-old girlfriend, according to police records.

During the course of their stormy eight-month relationship, Newlon, a convicted criminal, has broken his girlfriend's nose six times, knocked out three of her front teeth, broke her ribs and threatened to rape the woman's 13-year-old daughter, a Framingham police report said.

I'm sure he's a just a regular sweetheart for those rare moments when he's not beating the living shit out of his girlfriends. For this woman's sake, I pray that this dirtbag doesn't post bail. If he walks, she's toast. Speaking of bail, the judge who even made that an option needs to be on receiving end of a swift kick in the nuts - any volunteers?

And, I'm not condoning any kind of illegal activity, but in case you missed it, that was:

Eric C. Newlon
555 Worcester Road (Rte. 9), Apt. 26
Framingham, Massachusetts



The preceding public service announcement has been brought to you today by the editorial staff of the MetroWest Daily News.

Forgot One

Stick this story in the "Local Loozahs" file.

Guy decides to spend his morning robbing people at gunpoint. Two problems - his intended victim is an off-duty Boston police officer, and his weapon of choice that day is a BB gun.

Now why a cop from Dorchester would ever leave the house without carrying, I don't know. But it most likely saved this perp from a fatal case of lead poisoning.

UPDATE: One more for the file - no doubt, this guy drove to New Hampshire to avoid paying sales tax on the cereal.

NASHUA. N.H. -- An 18-year-old Massachusetts man faces felony theft charges for allegedly emptying several large cereal boxes at a Costco, filling the boxes with electronic equipment and paying the clerk only for the cereal.

I'm picturing this idiot in the back corner of the store by the 30-packs of toilet paper, thinking he's Indiana Jones getting ready to switch the idol with the bag of sand. A digital camera in one hand, the other hand shaking cereal out onto the floor until he spills the exact amount equal to the weight of the camera.

Nice try, kid.

Helluva Weekend in the Bay State

We begin our coverage, as one would expect, with this week's installment of "Massachusetts Gun Control Success Stories". First from Mayor Menino's back yard:

BOSTON (AP) -- Two people were fatally shot this morning in Boston.

They are the 62nd and 63rd homicides this year -- the city's highest murder rate in a decade.

Well, it seems the shooters were good shots. They must have aced the Moon Island range test when they were applying for their License to Carry a Firearm.

Next up, this story out of Haverhill, Massachusetts:

A 48-year-old fugitive hiding out in Haverhill with a sawed-off shotgun surrendered yesterday after a SWAT team surrounded his house and ordered him via megaphone to pick up his phone, insisting, "We're not going away."

But sawed-off shotguns are illegal. If these people keep breaking the law like this, they're gonna ruin EVERYTHING. We'll never be able to realize our dream of the Uber-Utopian Gun-free Land of Candy Canes and Pixie Dust we'd like to call Massachusetts. Those poor criminals, someone should give them a hug. THEN they'd be nice.

Moving further west, we come across this charming tale:

Authorities arrested a 19-year-old man Thursday for driving with a suspended license but let him go, unaware he'd allegedly robbed and killed the Worcester gentleman whose car he had been driving.

[snip]

Police said they believe Lowery hit him with a pipe, robbed him and sped off in the 61-year-old man's 2004 Chevrolet at least three hours earlier, hitting him as he went.

Clearly, our legislators need to get moving on some serious pipe control laws. I mean, seriously, if you're not a plumber or a fence installer, you don't NEED a pipe. Home Depot could have those new fingerprint scanners on-line in a week or so.

Meanwhile, back in Boston (and if this individual doesn't just warm the cockles of your heart, nothing will):

A Back Bay anti-war march nearly erupted in violence yesterday as a group of protesters continued their march beyond the route dictated by the their permit, witnesses and protesters say.

Several protesters claimed rough treatment at the hands of the police, including a reported hair-pulling incident, protesters being knocked down and officers running motorcycles at the crowd.

"The police clearly had no respect for our safety," Dan Reedy, 17, said. "They seemed more intent on preserving the law than protecting our lives."

So, let's see. You're part of a group voicing support for those who saw the heads off of civilians as they gasp out their last blood-gurgling breath in front of a video camera? Animals who shoot humanitarian aid workers in the back of the head, in the name of Allah? Thugs and goons who fill mass graves with women who were shot clutching their dead babies? And they didn't respect your safety?

Gee, I'm all torn up.

GadgetMAN is back

No dainty kitchen utensils this time.

Back in August (I think it was) I had ordered the Multivault gun safe by Gunvault, only to find out they are on indefinite backorder from the manufacturer. So, I went looking for an alternative, and found the DAC Sportsafe ($70 +shipping at Wally World).

It's half the price of the Gunvault and additional mounting plates can be purchased to facilitate transferring the safe from the house to the vehicle. It would look nice keeping the 10-disc CD changer company in the back of the Jeep.

Abby Normal Lives

And now the most recent nominee for the "Quite Possibly the Most Idiotic Sentence Ever To Come Out of a Person's Mouth" Award. This latest gem comes from this story out of Ohio concerning the creation of a National Rifle Association license plate:

"An NRA license plate will, ironically, be helpful to our police," (The Ohio Coalition Against Violence Executive Director, Toby) Hoover added. "When they see the NRA symbol, they'll know that the driver may be packing heat in his car and take appropriate precautions."

If only Toby's parents had taken appropriate precautions.

(original link via KABA)

Common Sense - Massachusetts Style

Question: What do you do if you are responsible for some of the most restrictive gun laws in the nation, presenting law-abiding individuals with layer upon layer of bureaucratic and financial hoops to jump through just to exercise their Constitutional right to bear arms?

Answer: Another hoop.

BOSTON - With a quick electronic scan of a fingerprint, gun shop owners in Massachusetts will know immediately if a customer is eligible to buy a weapon, using a system that officials say is the first of its kind in the nation.

What? Don't tell me they're actually going to make it easier for law-abiding citizens to purchase firearms in Massachusetts!

Under the new system, local police will still be the licensing authority, but fingerprints and photographs will be taken electronically and stored in the statewide system. The license will be produced by the state's Criminal History Systems Board and fit into a wallet, much like a driver's license.

[snip]

The new electronic system is in addition to a federal instant check that is conducted by telephone before a weapon sale is completed.

Yeah, didn't think so.

"It represents a real quantum leap in public-safety information-technology applications," said Public Safety Secretary Ed Flynn, who planned to unveil the new system Wednesday at the Four Seasons Firearms shop in Woburn.

Ah yes, "public-safety". It's FOR THE CHILDREN, don't you know?

"This enables us to make sure that the only people bearing arms in the commonwealth have the right to bear arms," he said.

Wow, this guy doesn't read the local news much. I think I'll send him a link to my blog.

"You hit the button. Before the customer leaves the store, the state knows they purchased that firearm," said Carl Ingrao, owner of Four Seasons Firearms in Woburn.

And now, thanks to four eyewitnesses the police rescued Monday Night from the freezer at the Ironside Bar in Charlestown, the state knows that one individual, with a penchant for armed robbery, recently purchased a sawed-off shotgun. I wonder how long he had to wait for his instant background check to go through.

Note: I understand the intent of this system - to prevent newly-disqualified, yet previously-licensed individuals from purchasing firearms before the legal paper trail can catch up with them. But, with this system in place, is licensing still necessary? Hint - the answer is "NO".

How many Big Dig leaks can you plug for $7 million?

Life Goes On in Our "Safe City"

How's this for fourth grade math? Violent thug + illegal firearm + city full of defenseless victims = a handful of people in Charlestown who are damn lucky to be alive today.

After visiting with friends on Charlestown's waterfront Monday night, Joseph Doretti and Kevin Griffin stopped by the Ironside Grill on Park Street to grab a beer and watch the end of "Monday Night Football." But despite all appearances to the contrary, the place was deserted.

"It was completely empty," Doretti said last night. "There were TVs on, there was beer on the bar, jackets on the backs of chairs. We didn't know anyone was in the freezer."

And not just "anyone."

Just minutes before Doretti and Griffin arrived and - finding no one around to serve them - helped themselves to the Harpoon ale and kicked back to watch the Green Bay Packers kick the St. Louis Rams' butts, a Heineken drinker with light-blue eyes and dark-blue torn nylon running pants had bellied up to the bar with a double-barreled sawed-off shotgun and ordered up all the cash.

[snip]

Cantin, bartender Whitney Hancock and two male customers were herded into the restaurant's walk-in freezer. Their escape was blocked by a table and a meat cutter barricading the door.

Now who can we thank for effectively disarming 80% of the people involved with this altercation? Good batting average, Mr. Mayor. I wonder how the powers that be will respond after this guy's next heist, should he decide to murder someone for kicks while pursuing his hobbies of armed robbery and hostage-taking.

But wait, there's more.

Live from Dorchester - it's Saturday night!

A woman beaten savagely in a Dorchester apartment by three acquaintances played dead so convincingly the trio wrapped her up in a blue tarp and stashed her under a porch, police said.

The 34-year-old woman survived the ordeal on Nightingale Street and yesterday police arrested two men and one woman alleged to have beaten and robbed her just before 7:30 p.m. Saturday.

Isn't that lovely?

All three were to be arraigned in Dorchester District Court today on charges of assault with intent to murder, armed robbery, assault and battery with a dangerous weapon and unlawful possession of a firearm.

No gun permit? But isn't that illegal? Go figure.

The Return of Gadgetman

OK, this will most likely be the wussiest entry ever under the category of "The Adventures of Gadgetman". Rest assured though, this gadget is worthy of inclusion here - the vinaigrette whisk.

Huh? Has he lost his mind? Who are you and what have you done with Bruce?

Heh. I'll do you one better. Here's a great salad dressing you can make in just seconds. Trust me, you have a young lady over for dinner and the fact that you're cooking for her might only guarantee you a trip to second base. You introduce homemade dijon vinaigrette and you've just sealed the deal, my friend. And stirring it with a fork, just won't...uh...cut the mustard.

In a bowl, combine a dollop of Dijon mustard and a couple splashes of red wine vinegar.

Whisk together with - yes, you guessed it - the vinaigrette whisk. Add salt and fresh, finely ground pepper to taste. Then add extra virgin olive oil in double the amount of mustard/vinegar in the bowl.

Whisk again.

Done.

There you have it. And, oh yeah, iceberg lettuce sucks.

Now, if you all behave yourself, I'll share my recipe for Bailey's Irish Cream Chocolate Chip Cookies with you in time for Christmas.